“People say money is not the key to happiness, but I have always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.”—Joan Rivers
“To make a million, start with $900,000.” - Morton Shulman.
“The trick is to stop thinking of it as ‘your’ money.” – IRS auditor
“If inflation continues to soar, you’re going to have to work like a dog just to live like one." ~George Gobel
“If all the economists were laid end to end, they’d never reach a conclusion." ~George Bernard Shaw
"Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly payment is due." ~Author Unknown
"Most people work just hard enough to not get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit." ~ George Carline
“Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That’s how rich I want to be.” – Rita Rudner
“Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.” – Robert Orben
“Undermine the entire economic structure of society by leaving the pay toilet door ajar so the next person can get in free.” - Taylor Meade
“Business is the art of extracting money from another man’s pocket without resorting to violence." ~Max Amsterdam
“A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.” – Bob Hope
“There were times my pants were so thin I could sit on a dime and tell if it was heads or tails.” -Spencer Tracy quotes
“This would be a much better world if more married couples were as deeply in love as they are in debt” – Earl Wilson
“Always borrow money from a pessimist, he doesn’t expect to be paid back." ~Author Unknown
“If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it." ~Author Unknown
“You should always live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.”- Josh Billings
“Anybody who tells you money can’t buy happiness never had any.” —Samuel L. Jackson
"There is a very easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune: go there with a large one." ~ Jack Yelton
"I’ve done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not." ~ Fran Lebowitz
“Money can’t buy you happiness but it can pay for plastic surgery." ~ Joan Rivers
"They were a people so primitive they did not know how to get money, except by working for it." ~ Joseph Addison
“I am having an out of money experience." ~Author Unknown
"Don’t stay in bed unless you make money in bed." ~ George Burns
“I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.” -Jackie Mason“I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.” -Jackie Mason
“Budget: a mathematical confirmation of your suspicions." ~A.A. Latimer
"Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody.” ~ Benjamin Franklin
“If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys” – James Goldsmith
"Too many people spend money they haven’t earned, to buy things they don’t want, to impress people they don’t like." ~ Will Smith
"I’m so poor I can’t pay attention." ~ Ron Kittle
"Money is like a sixth sense – and you can’t make use of the other five without it." ~ William Somerset Maugham
“If you think money doesn’t grow on trees, you ain’t checking every limb.” – Chamillionaire
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” —Phyllis Diller
“If you owe the bank $100 that’s your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that’s the bank’s problem.” -JP Getty.
“If there is a WILL, there are 500 relatives.” – Anonymous
“It’s amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!” — Milton Berle
“What’s the use of happiness? It can’t buy you money.”- Henry Youngman
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
“Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today." ~ Herman Wouk
“If only God would give me a clear sign, like making a large deposit in my swiss bank account." ~ Woody Allen
“Women prefer men who have something tender about them – especially the legal kind." ~Kay Ingram
“Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with." ~From a Washington Post word contest
"I am having an out-of-money experience." ~ Anonymous
“Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.” – Jackie Mason
“Money isn’t everything, but it’s a long way ahead of what comes next.” - Edmund Stockdale
“Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy you the kind of misery you prefer." ~Author Unknown
“Money doesn’t solve all problems but it could solve my money problem.” – Anonymous
“Waking your kids up for school the first day after a break is almost as much fun as birthing them was.” - Jenny McCarthy
“No matter how hard you hug your money, it never hugs back.” — H. Jackson Brown Jr.
“The waste of money cures itself, for soon there is no more to waste." ~M.W. Harrison