“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” —Phyllis Diller
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?” — Milton Berle
“In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women.” –Tony Montana (Al Pacino) Scarface
“I’m so poor I can’t even pay attention." ~Ron Kittle
“You fool! You’re 30 cents away from having a quarter!” –Sweet Dick Willie (Robin Harris)Do the Right Thing
“Waking your kids up for school the first day after a break is almost as much fun as birthing them was.” - Jenny McCarthy
“If only God would give me a clear sign, like making a large deposit in my swiss bank account." ~ Woody Allen
"Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to go shopping." ~ Bo Derek
"Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy." ~ Groucho Marx
“Carpe per diem – seize the check.” – Robin Williams.
“What’s your favorite childhood memory? Not paying bills.” – Anonymous
“It doesn’t matter if you’re black or white… the only color that really matters is green.” – Family Guy
"Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?" ~ John Barrymore
“Always borrow money from a pessimist, he doesn’t expect to be paid back." ~Author Unknown
“I’m stuck between “I need to save money.” and “You only live once.”” – Anonymous
“No matter how hard you hug your money, it never hugs back.” — H. Jackson Brown Jr.
“Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That’s how rich I want to be.” – Rita Rudner
"They were a people so primitive they did not know how to get money, except by working for it." ~ Joseph Addison
"Money is like a sixth sense – and you can’t make use of the other five without it." ~ William Somerset Maugham
“People say money is not the key to happiness, but I have always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.”—Joan Rivers
“Money often costs too much." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Money and women are the most sought after and the least known about of any two things we have.”— Will Rogers
“Someone asked me why women don’t gamble as much as men do, and I gave the commonsensical reply that we don’t have as much money. That was a true and incomplete answer. In fact, women’s total instinct for gambling is satisfied by marriage.” – Gloria Steinem
“Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy beer." ~ Gary Reilly
“You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.” —Franklin P. Adams
“Money is like manure. You have to spread it around or it smells." ~J. Paul Getty
“Anybody who tells you money can’t buy happiness never had any.” —Samuel L. Jackson
"There is a very easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune: go there with a large one." ~ Jack Yelton
“When a fellow says it ain’t the money but the principle of the thing, it’s the money.” – Artemus Ward
“He who marries for love without money has good nights and sorry days.” – Anonymous
“It’s amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!” — Milton Berle
“Money is the opposite of the weather. Nobody talks about it, but everybody does something about it.” – Rebecca Johnson
“To make a million, start with $900,000.” - Morton Shulman.
"Men are like bank accounts. The more money, the more interest they generate." ~ Mark Twain
“The waste of money cures itself, for soon there is no more to waste." ~M.W. Harrison
"Too many people spend money they haven’t earned, to buy things they don’t want, to impress people they don’t like." ~ Will Smith
“If women didn’t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning." ~Aristotle Onassis
"Most people work just hard enough to not get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit." ~ George Carline
“I’m tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money. I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok.” — Shaquille O’Neal
“The economy depends about as much on economists as the weather does on weather forecasters." ~Jean-Paul Kauffmann
"Don’t stay in bed unless you make money in bed." ~ George Burns
“People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.” ~ Joan Rivers
“Misers are no fun to live with, but they make great ancestors.” —Tom Snyder
"Dogs have no money. Isn’t that amazing? They’re broke their entire lives. But they get through. Do you know why dogs have no money? .. No Pockets." ~ Jerry Seinfeld
“The poor have more children, but the rich have more relatives.” – Unknown
“What’s the use of happiness? It can’t buy you money." ~ Henny Youngman
“All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.” Spike Milligan.
“Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it." ~ David Lee Roth
“If all the economists were laid end to end, they’d never reach a conclusion." ~George Bernard Shaw
“Money and women. They’re two of the strongest things in the world. The things you do for a woman you wouldn’t do for anything else. Same with money.” — Satchel Paige