“Someone asked me why women don’t gamble as much as men do, and I gave the commonsensical reply that we don’t have as much money. That was a true and incomplete answer. In fact, women’s total instinct for gambling is satisfied by marriage.” – Gloria Steinem
“Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a man’s lifetime income – which he then spends sending his son to college.” — Bill Vaughn
"Most people work just hard enough to not get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit." ~ George Carline
“If only God would give me a clear sign, like making a large deposit in my swiss bank account." ~ Woody Allen
“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.” Douglas Adams.
“If you want to know what God thinks of money, look at the people he gave it to.” —Dorothy Parker
“Money isn’t everything, but it’s a long way ahead of what comes next.” - Edmund Stockdale
“There were times my pants were so thin I could sit on a dime and tell if it was heads or tails.” -Spencer Tracy quotes
"They were a people so primitive they did not know how to get money, except by working for it." ~ Joseph Addison
“Business is the art of extracting money from another man’s pocket without resorting to violence." ~Max Amsterdam
“October: This is one of the particularly dangerous months to invest in stocks. Other dangerous months are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February.” Mark Twain
“Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.” — Steven Wright
"Money is like a sixth sense – and you can’t make use of the other five without it." ~ William Somerset Maugham
“All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy." ~ Spike Milligan
“I’m stuck between “I need to save money.” and “You only live once.”” – Anonymous
“Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.” – Winston Churchill
“When a fellow says it ain’t the money but the principle of the thing, it’s the money.” – Artemus Ward
“If you think money doesn’t grow on trees, you ain’t checking every limb.” – Chamillionaire
"I’ve done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not." ~ Fran Lebowitz
“I owe much; I have nothing; the rest I leave to the poor.” - Francois Rebelais
“Money doesn’t solve all problems but it could solve my money problem.” – Anonymous
“Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair." ~Sam Ewing
“The trick is to stop thinking of it as ‘your’ money.” – IRS auditor
“We live by the Golden Rule. Those who have the gold make the rules." ~Buzzie Bavasi
“You should always live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.”- Josh Billings
"The safe way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it in your pocket." ~ Kin Hubbard
“The only reason I made a commercial for American Express was to pay for my American Express bill.” Peter Ustinov.
“Always borrow money from a pessimist, he doesn’t expect to be paid back." ~Author Unknown
"If hard work were such a wonderful thing, surely the rich would have kept it all to themselves." ~ Lane Kirkland
“Money and women are the most sought after and the least known about of any two things we have.”— Will Rogers
"Dogs have no money. Isn’t that amazing? They’re broke their entire lives. But they get through. Do you know why dogs have no money? .. No Pockets." ~ Jerry Seinfeld
"I despise the lottery. There’s less chance of you becoming a millionaire than there is of getting hit by a passing asteroid." ~ Unknown
“I finally know what distinguishes man from other beasts: financial worries.” – Jules Renard
“Anybody who tells you money can’t buy happiness never had any.” —Samuel L. Jackson
"Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are? Wall Street is now being called Wall Mart Street." ~ Jay Leno
“Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.” – Robert Orben
"Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to go shopping." ~ Bo Derek
“It doesn’t matter how low the dollar will go, I will always bend down and pick it up.” ~ Anonymous
"Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?" ~ John Barrymore
“People are living longer than ever before, a phenomenon undoubtedly made necessary by the 30-year mortgage." ~Doug Larson
“A fool and his money are lucky enough to get together in the first place.” — Gordon Gekko (Michael Douglas) Wall Street
"Money doesn’t change you. It reveals who you are when you no longer have to be nice." ~ Tim Ferriss
"Staying in bed all day is my way of saving money." ~ Anonymous
“Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt." ~ Herbert Hoover
“All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.” Spike Milligan.
“He who marries for love without money has good nights and sorry days.” – Anonymous
“A father is someone who carries pictures in his wallet where his money used to be” — unknown
“If inflation continues to soar, you’re going to have to work like a dog just to live like one." ~George Gobel
“When I was young I thought money was the most important thing in life; now that I’m old, I know it is." ~ Oscar Wilde
“Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won’t be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.” -Henny Youngman