"They were a people so primitive they did not know how to get money, except by working for it." ~ Joseph Addison
“What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin” –Mark Twain
“Money and women. They’re two of the strongest things in the world. The things you do for a woman you wouldn’t do for anything else. Same with money.” — Satchel Paige
"Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?" ~ John Barrymore
“It doesn’t matter if you’re black or white… the only color that really matters is green.” – Family Guy
“The trick is to stop thinking of it as ‘your’ money.” – IRS auditor
“When I was young I thought money was the most important thing in life; now that I’m old, I know it is." ~ Oscar Wilde
"I’m so poor I can’t pay attention." ~ Ron Kittle
“October: This is one of the particularly dangerous months to invest in stocks. Other dangerous months are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February.” Mark Twain
“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.” Douglas Adams.
"Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly payment is due." ~Author Unknown
“Money and women are the most sought after and the least known about of any two things we have.”— Will Rogers
“Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.” – Jackie Mason
“A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.” – Bob Hope
“I owe much; I have nothing; the rest I leave to the poor.” - Francois Rebelais
“When people ask me if I have any spare change, I tell them I have it at home in my spare wallet.”-Nick Arnette
"The safe way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it in your pocket." ~ Kin Hubbard
“Women prefer men who have something tender about them – especially the legal kind." ~Kay Ingram
“Budget: a mathematical confirmation of your suspicions." ~A.A. Latimer
“Money is like manure. You have to spread it around or it smells." ~J. Paul Getty
“It’s amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!” — Milton Berle
“I love money. I love everything about it. I bought some pretty good stuff. Got me a $300 pair of socks. Got a fur sink. An electric dog polisher. A gasoline powered turtleneck sweater. And, of course, I bought some dumb stuff, too.” – Steve Martin
"Ah, yes, divorce… A Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet." ~ Robin Williams
“No matter how hard you hug your money, it never hugs back.” — H. Jackson Brown Jr.
“Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair." ~Sam Ewing
"Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody.” ~ Benjamin Franklin
“If there is anyone to whom I owe money, I’m prepared to forget it if they are.” - Errol Flynn
“If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys” – James Goldsmith
“Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.” – Robert Orben
“Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy you the kind of misery you prefer." ~Author Unknown
“What’s the use of happiness? It can’t buy you money.”- Henry Youngman
“I’m so poor I can’t even pay attention." ~Ron Kittle
“I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.” -Jackie Mason“I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.” -Jackie Mason
“I’m so naive about finances. Once my mother mentioned an amount and I realized I didn’t understand, she had to explain, ‘That’s like three Mercedes.’ Then I understood.” – Brooke Shields
“Money can’t buy you happiness but it can pay for plastic surgery." ~ Joan Rivers
“If there is a WILL, there are 500 relatives.” – Anonymous
"Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy." ~ Groucho Marx
“It’s money. I remember it from when I was single.” – Billy Crystal
“If all the economists were laid end to end, they’d never reach a conclusion." ~George Bernard Shaw
“I am having an out of money experience." ~Author Unknown
"Money without brains is always dangerous." ~ Napoleon Hill
“If women didn’t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning." ~Aristotle Onassis
“Someone asked me why women don’t gamble as much as men do, and I gave the commonsensical reply that we don’t have as much money. That was a true and incomplete answer. In fact, women’s total instinct for gambling is satisfied by marriage.” – Gloria Steinem
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?” — Milton Berle
“I’m stuck between “I need to save money.” and “You only live once.”” – Anonymous
"Money doesn’t change you. It reveals who you are when you no longer have to be nice." ~ Tim Ferriss
“To make a million, start with $900,000.” - Morton Shulman.
“You should always live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.”- Josh Billings
“All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy." ~ Spike Milligan
"It’s easy to meet expenses, everywhere we go, there they are." ~ Anonymus