“I owe much; I have nothing; the rest I leave to the poor.” - Francois Rebelais
“Money and women are the most sought after and the least known about of any two things we have.”— Will Rogers
“Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today." ~ Herman Wouk
“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.” Douglas Adams.
"If you can count your money, you don’t have a billion dollars." ~ J. Paul Getty
“Women prefer men who have something tender about them – especially the legal kind." ~Kay Ingram
“Money can’t buy you happiness but it can pay for plastic surgery." ~ Joan Rivers
“I’m tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money. I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok.” — Shaquille O’Neal
“My formula for success is rise early, work late and strike oil.” JP Getty.
“They were a people so primitive they did not know how to get money, except by working for it.” Joseph Addison.
“Cocaine is God’s way of saying you’re making too much money.” – Robin Williams
"They were a people so primitive they did not know how to get money, except by working for it." ~ Joseph Addison
“Money and women. They’re two of the strongest things in the world. The things you do for a woman you wouldn’t do for anything else. Same with money.” — Satchel Paige
“Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with." ~From a Washington Post word contest
“Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache” – Mae West
“Anybody who tells you money can’t buy happiness never had any.” —Samuel L. Jackson
“There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage” — James Holt McGavran
“What’s your favorite childhood memory? Not paying bills.” – Anonymous
“You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.” —Franklin P. Adams
“The economy depends about as much on economists as the weather does on weather forecasters." ~Jean-Paul Kauffmann
“A fool and his money are lucky enough to get together in the first place.” — Gordon Gekko (Michael Douglas) Wall Street
“When a fellow says it ain’t the money but the principle of the thing, it’s the money.” – Artemus Ward
“Money is like manure. You have to spread it around or it smells." ~J. Paul Getty
“The safest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it in your pocket.” – Kin Hubbard
“Money is the opposite of the weather. Nobody talks about it, but everybody does something about it.” – Rebecca Johnson
“Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy beer." ~ Gary Reilly
“October: This is one of the particularly dangerous months to invest in stocks. Other dangerous months are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February.” Mark Twain
“Waking your kids up for school the first day after a break is almost as much fun as birthing them was.” - Jenny McCarthy
“I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.” -Jackie Mason“I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.” -Jackie Mason
“Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won’t be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.” -Henny Youngman
“Money often costs too much." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
“A bargain is something you can’t use at a price you can’t resist.”- Franklin Jones.
"Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?" ~ John Barrymore
“When people ask me if I have any spare change, I tell them I have it at home in my spare wallet.”-Nick Arnette
“From birth to age 18, a girl needs good parents, from 18 to 35 she needs good looks, from 35 to 55 she needs a good personality, and from 55 on she needs cash.” – Sophie Tucker
“Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a man’s lifetime income – which he then spends sending his son to college.” — Bill Vaughn
“I’m so naive about finances. Once my mother mentioned an amount and I realized I didn’t understand, she had to explain, ‘That’s like three Mercedes.’ Then I understood.” – Brooke Shields
"Money doesn’t change you. It reveals who you are when you no longer have to be nice." ~ Tim Ferriss
“No matter how hard you hug your money, it never hugs back.” — H. Jackson Brown Jr.
“To make a million, start with $900,000.” - Morton Shulman.
“It’s amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!” — Milton Berle
“The best way you hurt rich people is by turning them into poor people” – Billy Ray Valentine (Eddie Murphy) Trading Places
"If all the rich people in the world divided up their money among themselves, there wouldn’t be enough to go around." ~ Christina Stead
“A father is someone who carries pictures in his wallet where his money used to be” — unknown
"Don’t stay in bed unless you make money in bed." ~ George Burns
“All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.” Spike Milligan.
"Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to go shopping." ~ Bo Derek
“Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.” – Jackie Mason
“He who marries for love without money has good nights and sorry days.” – Anonymous
“Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.” — Steven Wright