“Money and women are the most sought after and the least known about of any two things we have.”— Will Rogers
“He who marries for love without money has good nights and sorry days.” – Anonymous
"Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?" ~ John Barrymore
“Waking your kids up for school the first day after a break is almost as much fun as birthing them was.” - Jenny McCarthy
“I’m so naive about finances. Once my mother mentioned an amount and I realized I didn’t understand, she had to explain, ‘That’s like three Mercedes.’ Then I understood.” – Brooke Shields
“Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair." ~Sam Ewing
“Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy beer." ~ Gary Reilly
“I made my money the old-fashioned way. I was very nice to a wealthy relative right before he died” — Malcolm Forbes
“People are living longer than ever before, a phenomenon undoubtedly made necessary by the 30-year mortgage." ~Doug Larson
“Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That’s how rich I want to be.” – Rita Rudner
"Money without brains is always dangerous." ~ Napoleon Hill
“The trick is to stop thinking of it as ‘your’ money.” – IRS auditor
“Someone asked me why women don’t gamble as much as men do, and I gave the commonsensical reply that we don’t have as much money. That was a true and incomplete answer. In fact, women’s total instinct for gambling is satisfied by marriage.” – Gloria Steinem
“In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women.” –Tony Montana (Al Pacino) Scarface
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?” — Milton Berle
“A dollar picked up in the road is more satisfaction to us than the 99 which we had to work for, and the money won at Faro or in the stock market snuggles into our hearts in the same way. ~Mark Twain
“Money doesn’t solve all problems but it could solve my money problem.” – Anonymous
"Don’t stay in bed unless you make money in bed." ~ George Burns
"Staying in bed all day is my way of saving money." ~ Anonymous
“What’s the use of happiness? It can’t buy you money.”- Henry Youngman
“I am not worried about the deficit. It is big enough to take care of itself." ~ Ronald Reagan
“Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today." ~ Herman Wouk
“All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy." ~ Spike Milligan
“Carpe per diem – seize the check.” – Robin Williams.
“If there is a WILL, there are 500 relatives.” – Anonymous
"Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly payment is due." ~Author Unknown
“Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.” – Robert Orben
“Always borrow money from a pessimist, he doesn’t expect to be paid back." ~Author Unknown
“The safest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it in your pocket.” – Kin Hubbard
"Men are like bank accounts. The more money, the more interest they generate." ~ Mark Twain
“If only God would give me a clear sign, like making a large deposit in my swiss bank account." ~ Woody Allen
“I’m tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money. I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok.” — Shaquille O’Neal
"I despise the lottery. There’s less chance of you becoming a millionaire than there is of getting hit by a passing asteroid." ~ Unknown
“Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody.” – Benjamin Franklin
“You should always live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.”- Josh Billings
“Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.” – Jackie Mason
“People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.” ~ Joan Rivers
“It doesn’t matter if you’re black or white… the only color that really matters is green.” – Family Guy
"Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody.” ~ Benjamin Franklin
“What’s your favorite childhood memory? Not paying bills.” – Anonymous
“I love money. I love everything about it. I bought some pretty good stuff. Got me a $300 pair of socks. Got a fur sink. An electric dog polisher. A gasoline powered turtleneck sweater. And, of course, I bought some dumb stuff, too.” – Steve Martin
“A father is someone who carries pictures in his wallet where his money used to be” — unknown
“The best way you hurt rich people is by turning them into poor people” – Billy Ray Valentine (Eddie Murphy) Trading Places
“It doesn’t matter how low the dollar will go, I will always bend down and pick it up.” ~ Anonymous
“There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage” — James Holt McGavran
"Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are? Wall Street is now being called Wall Mart Street." ~ Jay Leno
"If you can count your money, you don’t have a billion dollars." ~ J. Paul Getty
“We live by the Golden Rule. Those who have the gold make the rules." ~Buzzie Bavasi
“I’m stuck between “I need to save money.” and “You only live once.”” – Anonymous
“Money isn’t everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children." ~ J. Paul Getty