“Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache” – Mae West
"If all the rich people in the world divided up their money among themselves, there wouldn’t be enough to go around." ~ Christina Stead
“Money is like manure. You have to spread it around or it smells." ~J. Paul Getty
“It’s money. I remember it from when I was single” — Billy Crystal
"If hard work were such a wonderful thing, surely the rich would have kept it all to themselves." ~ Lane Kirkland
“Money’s only something you need in case you don’t die tomorrow." ~ Martin Sheen
“If only God would give me a clear sign, like making a large deposit in my swiss bank account." ~ Woody Allen
“If women didn’t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning." ~Aristotle Onassis
"Dogs have no money. Isn’t that amazing? They’re broke their entire lives. But they get through. Do you know why dogs have no money? .. No Pockets." ~ Jerry Seinfeld
"The safe way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it in your pocket." ~ Kin Hubbard
“Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair." ~Sam Ewing
“You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.” —Franklin P. Adams
“The economy depends about as much on economists as the weather does on weather forecasters." ~Jean-Paul Kauffmann
“When people ask me if I have any spare change, I tell them I have it at home in my spare wallet.”-Nick Arnette
“It’s money. I remember it from when I was single.” – Billy Crystal
"Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?" ~ John Barrymore
"I put a dollar in one of those changed machines. Nothing changed." ~ George Carlin
“A fool and his money are lucky enough to get together in the first place.” — Gordon Gekko (Michael Douglas) Wall Street
"Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly payment is due." ~Author Unknown
“I love money. I love everything about it. I bought some pretty good stuff. Got me a $300 pair of socks. Got a fur sink. An electric dog polisher. A gasoline powered turtleneck sweater. And, of course, I bought some dumb stuff, too.” – Steve Martin
"Ah, yes, divorce… A Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet." ~ Robin Williams
"Money without brains is always dangerous." ~ Napoleon Hill
"We live by the golden rule. Those who have the gold make the rules." ~ Unknown
“I’m so poor I can’t even pay attention." ~Ron Kittle
“Someone asked me why women don’t gamble as much as men do, and I gave the commonsensical reply that we don’t have as much money. That was a true and incomplete answer. In fact, women’s total instinct for gambling is satisfied by marriage.” – Gloria Steinem
“From birth to age 18, a girl needs good parents, from 18 to 35 she needs good looks, from 35 to 55 she needs a good personality, and from 55 on she needs cash.” – Sophie Tucker
“Money doesn’t solve all problems but it could solve my money problem.” – Anonymous
“There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage” — James Holt McGavran
“To make a million, start with $900,000.” - Morton Shulman.
“The safest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it in your pocket.” – Kin Hubbard
“I’m stuck between “I need to save money.” and “You only live once.”” – Anonymous
“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.” – Earl Wilson
"Don’t stay in bed unless you make money in bed." ~ George Burns
“I made my money the old-fashioned way. I was very nice to a wealthy relative right before he died” — Malcolm Forbes
“It doesn’t matter how low the dollar will go, I will always bend down and pick it up.” ~ Anonymous
“Money and women are the most sought after and the least known about of any two things we have.”— Will Rogers
“Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt." ~ Herbert Hoover
“Budget: a mathematical confirmation of your suspicions." ~A.A. Latimer
“Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it." ~ David Lee Roth
“This would be a much better world if more married couples were as deeply in love as they are in debt” – Earl Wilson
“Money often costs too much.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
“A father is someone who carries pictures in his wallet where his money used to be” — unknown
"If you can count your money, you don’t have a billion dollars." ~ J. Paul Getty
“Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need most.” —Addison H. Hallock
“Money is something you have to make in case you don’t die.” Max Asnas.
“Business is the art of extracting money from another man’s pocket without resorting to violence." ~Max Amsterdam
"They were a people so primitive they did not know how to get money, except by working for it." ~ Joseph Addison
“The only reason I made a commercial for American Express was to pay for my American Express bill.” Peter Ustinov.
“Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with." ~From a Washington Post word contest
“There were times my pants were so thin I could sit on a dime and tell if it was heads or tails.” -Spencer Tracy quotes