"If you want to know the correct way to perform an exercise, the answer is: Whatever hurts most."
- Jason Love.
"A hospital is no place to be sick." —Samuel Goldwyn
“Eating words has never given me indigestion.”
Unknown
“I like long walks especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”
Fred Allen
“Half the modern could drugs well be thrown out the window, except that the birds might eat them.”
Unknown
"I will never break up with my gym. We just seem to workout."
- Unknown.
"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook"- Julia Child
"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it." —Lily Toml
“I have removed all the bad food from my house, it was delicious.”
“I am convinced digestion is the great secret to life.”
Sydney Smith
"I go to the gym three days a week. You have to or else - I don't want to be the guy that dies shoveling snow."
- Douglas Coupland
"Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches." - V.L. Allineare
"Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined." - Samuel Goldwyn
"I don't exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor"- Joan Rivers
“Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches.”
Unknown
"Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon." - Doug Larson
"Red meat is not bad for you. Now blue-green meat, that's bad for you!" - Tommy Smothers
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
"Some people would fall in or out of love with you if you lose or gain a few kilos."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana
"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle
"The word aerobics came about when the gym instructors got together and said, 'If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it jumping up and down'" - Rita Rudner
"Let's have a moment of silence for all those Americans who are stuck in traffic on their way to the gym to ride the stationary bicycle."
- Earl Blumenauer.
"I refuse to spend my life worrying about what I eat. There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward." - John Mortimer
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." —Alexander the Great
“I tried every diet that was in the book, I tried some that weren’t in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets.”
Dolly Parton
"You ever look for the remote control, but you can't find it, so you just decide, 'Ah, guess I'm not watching TV. I'm not gonna take two steps and turn it on myself. I'll go to the gym if I'm going to work out.'"
- Jim Gaffigan.
"There's lots of people in this world who spend so much time watching their health that they haven't the time to enjoy it." - Josh Billings
"I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back." - Richard Lewis
"Men make use of their illnesses at least as much as they are made use of by them." - Aldous Huxley
“Never eat more than you can lift.”
Miss Piggy
"The best abs exercise is five sets of stop eating so much..."
– Lazar Angelov
"If the poor overweight jogger only knew how far he had to run to work off the calories in a crust of bread he might find it better in terms of pound per mile to go to a massage parlor."
- Christiaan Barnard
"We pay our gym membership for the permission to exercise in the gym, not for the owner(s) of the gym to exercise for us."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana.
"My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit."
- Phyllis Dille
"When I feel like exercising I just lie down until the feeling goes away."
- Robert M. Hutchins.
“I don’t deserve a Songwriters Hall of Fame Award. But fifteen years ago, I had a brain operation and I didn’t deserve that, either. So I’ll keep it.”
Don Kardong.
"Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing." —Redd Foxx
"My inner advisor is dying to heal me." - Astrid Alauda
“Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge.”
Tom Waits
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." — Unknown
"Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night." —Dave Barry
“I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.”- Erik Satie
"Men scream and go crazy in the gym. I'm a silent workout partner, but when my adrenaline gets up, I talk trash."
- Fergie
"If it weren't for the fact that the TV set and the refrigeratir are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all"- Joey Adams
"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died." —Erma Bombeck
"I can sympathize with people's pains but not with their pleasures. There is something curiously boring about somebody else's happiness." - Aldous Huxley
“Fond of doctors, little health, Fond of lawyers, little wealth.”
Proverb
"Warning... I'm exercising, eating right and watching my alcohol intake... which means I'm sober, I'm cranky and I'm sore, so proceed with caution!"
“The only exercise I’ve done this month is running out of money"
“An apple a day keeps the doctor away, But if the doctor is cute forget the fruit.”
Sammie