"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
"Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing." —Redd Foxx
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
"Eating words has never given me indigestion." —Winston Churchill
“Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.” —Mark Twain
“Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.” —Redd Fox
“All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.” —Alexander Woollcott
"Warning... I'm exercising, eating right and watching my alcohol intake... which means I'm sober, I'm cranky and I'm sore, so proceed with caution!"
"I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. he other two are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves"
"Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory"- Albert Schweitzer
"I don't exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor"- Joan Rivers
"If it weren't for the fact that the TV set and the refrigeratir are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all"- Joey Adams
"The word aerobics came about when the gym instructors got together and said, 'If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it jumping up and down'" - Rita Rudner
"The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back"- Franklin P. Jones
"Never eat more than you can lift"- Miss Piggy.
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"I tried every diet in the book. I tried some that weren't in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets."- Dolly Parton
"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook"- Julia Child
"I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me"- Fred Allen.
"I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number ou get in a diamond"- Mae West
"Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge"- Don Kardong
"The trouble with always trying to preserve the health of the body is that it is so difficult to do without destroying the health of the mind." - G.K. Chesterton
"There's lots of people in this world who spend so much time watching their health that they haven't the time to enjoy it." - Josh Billings
"Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon." - Doug Larson
"Red meat is not bad for you. Now blue-green meat, that's bad for you!" - Tommy Smothers
"I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol."- Steven Write
"My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass." - Leslie Grimutter
"Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches." - V.L. Allineare
"I am pretty sure that, if you will be quite honest, you will admit that a good rousing sneeze, one that tears open your collar and throws your hair into your eyes, is really one of life's sensational pleasures." - Robert Benchley
"A bad cold wouldn't be so annoying if it weren't for the advice of our friends." - Kin Hubbard
"Men make use of their illnesses at least as much as they are made use of by them." - Aldous Huxley
"My inner advisor is dying to heal me." - Astrid Alauda
"Half the modern drugs could well be thrown out the window, except that the birds might eat them." - Martin H. Fischer
"How sickness enlarges the dimension of a man's self to himself!"- Charles Lamb
"Doctors are always working to preserve our health and cooks to destroy it, but the latter are the more often successful." - Denis Diderot
"If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer." - Clement Freud
"Health is merely the slowest way someone can die."
"I refuse to spend my life worrying about what I eat. There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward." - John Mortimer
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not." - Mark Twain
“I have to excercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing."- Marsha Doble.
“Excercise? I thought you said extra fries.”
“The only exercise I’ve done this month is running out of money"
“I have removed all the bad food from my house, it was delicious.”
"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred." —Woody Allen
"If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself." —Mickey Mantle
"Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?" —George Carlin
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." —Alexander the Great
"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it." —Lily Toml
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben