"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
"How sickness enlarges the dimension of a man's self to himself!"- Charles Lamb
"The word aerobics came about when the gym instructors got together and said, 'If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it jumping up and down'" - Rita Rudner
"I can sympathize with people's pains but not with their pleasures. There is something curiously boring about somebody else's happiness." - Aldous Huxley
"Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge"- Don Kardong
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
"Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing." —Redd Foxx
"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle
“It’s a bit unnerving That doctors call what they do practice.”
Unknown
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred." —Woody Allen
"My inner advisor is dying to heal me." - Astrid Alauda
“Fond of doctors, little health, Fond of lawyers, little wealth.”
Proverb
"The best abs exercise is five sets of stop eating so much..."
– Lazar Angelov
"If it weren't for the fact that the TV set and the refrigeratir are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all"- Joey Adams
“All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.” —Alexander Woollcott
"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounding yourself with ass****s." - William Gibson
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." — Unknown
"I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing."
- Marsha Doble
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
"I am pretty sure that, if you will be quite honest, you will admit that a good rousing sneeze, one that tears open your collar and throws your hair into your eyes, is really one of life's sensational pleasures." - Robert Benchley
“Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.” —Redd Fox
"If you want to know the correct way to perform an exercise, the answer is: Whatever hurts most."
- Jason Love.
“Anorexia is a disease not a fashion statement.”
Brooke
"If you're using two-pound weights, how did you even open the door to the gym?"
- Dave Attell
"I go to the gym three days a week. You have to or else - I don't want to be the guy that dies shoveling snow."
- Douglas Coupland
"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities." - Dr. Seuss
“Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches.”
Unknown
"Older people shouldn't eat health food. They need all the preservatives they can get." —Robert Orben
"I don't exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor"- Joan Rivers
"When I feel like exercising I just lie down until the feeling goes away."
- Robert M. Hutchins.
"Eating words has never given me indigestion." —Winston Churchill
"I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back." - Richard Lewis
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
"Many so-called spiritual people, they overeat, drink too much, they smoke and don't exercise. But they do go to church every week and pray 'Please help my arthritis. Please help me bring up my strength, make me young again.'"
- Jack LaLanne
"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook"- Julia Child
“I am convinced digestion is the great secret to life.”
Sydney Smith
"Men make use of their illnesses at least as much as they are made use of by them." - Aldous Huxley
"If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer." - Clement Freud
"Doctors are always working to preserve our health and cooks to destroy it, but the latter are the more often successful." - Denis Diderot
"If the poor overweight jogger only knew how far he had to run to work off the calories in a crust of bread he might find it better in terms of pound per mile to go to a massage parlor."
- Christiaan Barnard
"I don't get why people pay to exercise in a gym when it's free to not exercise."
- Bridger Winegar
"I can't believe we got grades in gym class. I've never used anything I learned in there."
- Jim Gaffigan
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
"I believe every human has a finite number of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises."
- Neil Armstrong.
"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint." —Mark Twain
"Some people would fall in or out of love with you if you lose or gain a few kilos."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." —Alexander the Great
“I don’t deserve a Songwriters Hall of Fame Award. But fifteen years ago, I had a brain operation and I didn’t deserve that, either. So I’ll keep it.”
Don Kardong.
"There's lots of people in this world who spend so much time watching their health that they haven't the time to enjoy it." - Josh Billings
“Eating words has never given me indigestion.”
Unknown