"I've always enjoyed poor health." —Taylor Caldwell
"If you're using two-pound weights, how did you even open the door to the gym?"
- Dave Attell
"Older people shouldn't eat health food. They need all the preservatives they can get." —Robert Orben
"Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon." - Doug Larson
"Many so-called spiritual people, they overeat, drink too much, they smoke and don't exercise. But they do go to church every week and pray 'Please help my arthritis. Please help me bring up my strength, make me young again.'"
- Jack LaLanne
“Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.” —Mark Twain
"I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity." - Edgar Allen Poe
"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet." - Rodney Dangerfield
“All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.” —Alexander Woollcott
“It’s a bit unnerving That doctors call what they do practice.”
Unknown
“Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.” —Redd Fox
"Take the admission to the gym to avoid the admission to the hospital."
- Amit Kalantri
"Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches." - V.L. Allineare
"Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory"- Albert Schweitzer
"Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge"- Don Kardong
"A bad cold wouldn't be so annoying if it weren't for the advice of our friends." - Kin Hubbard
"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle
“I like long walks especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”
Fred Allen
"My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit."
- Phyllis Dille
"I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol."- Steven Write
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
“I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.”- Erik Satie
"If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer." - Clement Freud
“Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge.”
Tom Waits
"Fitness: If it came in a bottle, everyone would have a great body."
- Cher.
“The only exercise I’ve done this month is running out of money"
“The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you are not in shape for it, its too far to walk back.”
Andy Rooney
"When future archaeologists dig up the remains of California, they're going to find all of those gyms, their scary-looking gym equipment, and they're going to assume that we were a culture obsessed with torture."
- Douglas Coupland
"To lose weight, spend time at the gym. To appear like you've lost weight, spend time with people who are bigger than you."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana
"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it." —Lily Tomlin
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." —Alexander the Great
“Never eat more than you can lift.”
Miss Piggy
"I go to the gym three days a week. You have to or else - I don't want to be the guy that dies shoveling snow."
- Douglas Coupland
"Health is merely the slowest way someone can die."
"I consider my refusal to go to the gym today as resistance training ."
- Immortal Souls.
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities." - Dr. Seuss
"My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass." - Leslie Grimutter
"I refuse to spend my life worrying about what I eat. There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward." - John Mortimer
“I have removed all the bad food from my house, it was delicious.”
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
"I don't exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor"- Joan Rivers
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
"The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back"- Franklin P. Jones
"If your doctor's last name is Google, it's time to get a second opinion…" - Toni Bernhard, J.D.
"Eating words has never given me indigestion." —Winston Churchill
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." — Unknown
“Half the modern could drugs well be thrown out the window, except that the birds might eat them.”
Unknown
“Fond of doctors, little health, Fond of lawyers, little wealth.”
Proverb
“I am convinced digestion is the great secret to life.”
Sydney Smith