"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." — Unknown
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
"Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory"- Albert Schweitzer
"If you're using two-pound weights, how did you even open the door to the gym?"
- Dave Attell
“Never eat more than you can lift.”
Miss Piggy
"I don't get why people pay to exercise in a gym when it's free to not exercise."
- Bridger Winegar
“I am convinced digestion is the great secret to life.”
Sydney Smith
"I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. he other two are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves"
"Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane." - Philip K. Dick
"I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol."- Steven Write
"If it weren't for the fact that the TV set and the refrigeratir are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all"- Joey Adams
"I believe every human has a finite number of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises."
- Neil Armstrong.
"I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me"- Fred Allen.
"Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon." - Doug Larson
"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it." —Lily Toml
"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle
"Half the modern drugs could well be thrown out the window, except that the birds might eat them." - Martin H. Fischer
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not." - Mark Twain
"My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit."
- Phyllis Dille
"If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer." - Clement Freud
"Some people would fall in or out of love with you if you lose or gain a few kilos."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana
"If the poor overweight jogger only knew how far he had to run to work off the calories in a crust of bread he might find it better in terms of pound per mile to go to a massage parlor."
- Christiaan Barnard
"You ever look for the remote control, but you can't find it, so you just decide, 'Ah, guess I'm not watching TV. I'm not gonna take two steps and turn it on myself. I'll go to the gym if I'm going to work out.'"
- Jim Gaffigan.
"A hospital is no place to be sick." —Samuel Goldwyn
"Doctors are always working to preserve our health and cooks to destroy it, but the latter are the more often successful." - Denis Diderot
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
“It’s a bit unnerving That doctors call what they do practice.”
Unknown
“Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches.”
Unknown
"I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back." - Richard Lewis
"If you want to know the correct way to perform an exercise, the answer is: Whatever hurts most."
- Jason Love.
"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint." —Mark Twain
"My inner advisor is dying to heal me." - Astrid Alauda
“Anorexia is a disease not a fashion statement.”
Brooke
"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook"- Julia Child
“I don’t deserve a Songwriters Hall of Fame Award. But fifteen years ago, I had a brain operation and I didn’t deserve that, either. So I’ll keep it.”
Don Kardong.
"Men scream and go crazy in the gym. I'm a silent workout partner, but when my adrenaline gets up, I talk trash."
- Fergie
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
“Excercise? I thought you said extra fries.”
“All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.” —Alexander Woollcott
"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died." —Erma Bombeck
“I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.”- Erik Satie
"My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass." - Leslie Grimutter
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred." —Woody Allen
"I consider my refusal to go to the gym today as resistance training ."
- Immortal Souls.
“Half the modern could drugs well be thrown out the window, except that the birds might eat them.”
Unknown
"I can't believe we got grades in gym class. I've never used anything I learned in there."
- Jim Gaffigan
"The trouble with always trying to preserve the health of the body is that it is so difficult to do without destroying the health of the mind." - G.K. Chesterton
"Never eat more than you can lift"- Miss Piggy.
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"I tried every diet in the book. I tried some that weren't in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets."- Dolly Parton
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz