"How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but it takes nine visits." - Author unknown
"When I feel like exercising I just lie down until the feeling goes away."
- Robert M. Hutchins.
"I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity." - Edgar Allen Poe
"My inner advisor is dying to heal me." - Astrid Alauda
“The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you are not in shape for it, its too far to walk back.”
Andy Rooney
"Half the modern drugs could well be thrown out the window, except that the birds might eat them." - Martin H. Fischer
"Men make use of their illnesses at least as much as they are made use of by them." - Aldous Huxley
“Fond of doctors, little health, Fond of lawyers, little wealth.”
Proverb
"I can't believe we got grades in gym class. I've never used anything I learned in there."
- Jim Gaffigan
"If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer." - Clement Freud
"Many so-called spiritual people, they overeat, drink too much, they smoke and don't exercise. But they do go to church every week and pray 'Please help my arthritis. Please help me bring up my strength, make me young again.'"
- Jack LaLanne
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
“Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches.”
Unknown
"I refuse to spend my life worrying about what I eat. There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward." - John Mortimer
“Eating words has never given me indigestion.”
Unknown
"I believe every human has a finite number of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises."
- Neil Armstrong.
"I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol."- Steven Write
“I don’t deserve a Songwriters Hall of Fame Award. But fifteen years ago, I had a brain operation and I didn’t deserve that, either. So I’ll keep it.”
Don Kardong.
"I've always enjoyed poor health." —Taylor Caldwell
"If you want to know the correct way to perform an exercise, the answer is: Whatever hurts most."
- Jason Love.
“Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.” —Redd Fox
“I have to excercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing."- Marsha Doble.
“I like long walks especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”
Fred Allen
"I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing."
- Marsha Doble
"The word aerobics came about when the gym instructors got together and said, 'If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it jumping up and down'" - Rita Rudner
"My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass." - Leslie Grimutter
"Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise' I wash my mouth out with chocolate!"
- Unknown.
"I don't get why people pay to exercise in a gym when it's free to not exercise."
- Bridger Winegar
"Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined." - Samuel Goldwyn
"A hospital is no place to be sick." —Samuel Goldwyn
"If it weren't for the fact that the TV set and the refrigeratir are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all"- Joey Adams
"If you're using two-pound weights, how did you even open the door to the gym?"
- Dave Attell
“I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.”- Erik Satie
"To lose weight, spend time at the gym. To appear like you've lost weight, spend time with people who are bigger than you."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana
"A bad cold wouldn't be so annoying if it weren't for the advice of our friends." - Kin Hubbard
“Half the modern could drugs well be thrown out the window, except that the birds might eat them.”
Unknown
"We pay our gym membership for the permission to exercise in the gym, not for the owner(s) of the gym to exercise for us."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana.
"I will never break up with my gym. We just seem to workout."
- Unknown.
"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint." —Mark Twain
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
"Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night." —Dave Barry
"Take the admission to the gym to avoid the admission to the hospital."
- Amit Kalantri
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
“Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge.”
Tom Waits
"I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number ou get in a diamond"- Mae West
“Anorexia is a disease not a fashion statement.”
Brooke
"Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge"- Don Kardong
"I only workout, because I really really like donuts."
- Unknown
"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died." —Erma Bombeck
"I don't exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor"- Joan Rivers