"Some people would fall in or out of love with you if you lose or gain a few kilos."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana
"Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing." —Redd Foxx
"Half the modern drugs could well be thrown out the window, except that the birds might eat them." - Martin H. Fischer
"I consider my refusal to go to the gym today as resistance training ."
- Immortal Souls.
"Let's have a moment of silence for all those Americans who are stuck in traffic on their way to the gym to ride the stationary bicycle."
- Earl Blumenauer.
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred." —Woody Allen
"I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me"- Fred Allen.
"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint." —Mark Twain
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
“I don’t deserve a Songwriters Hall of Fame Award. But fifteen years ago, I had a brain operation and I didn’t deserve that, either. So I’ll keep it.”
Don Kardong.
"I believe every human has a finite number of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises."
- Neil Armstrong.
"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounding yourself with ass****s." - William Gibson
"I am pretty sure that, if you will be quite honest, you will admit that a good rousing sneeze, one that tears open your collar and throws your hair into your eyes, is really one of life's sensational pleasures." - Robert Benchley
"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook"- Julia Child
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
"I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number ou get in a diamond"- Mae West
"If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself." —Mickey Mantle
“Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.” —Redd Fox
"If it weren't for the fact that the TV set and the refrigeratir are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all"- Joey Adams
"When I feel like exercising I just lie down until the feeling goes away."
- Robert M. Hutchins.
"The trouble with always trying to preserve the health of the body is that it is so difficult to do without destroying the health of the mind." - G.K. Chesterton
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." — Unknown
"I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back." - Richard Lewis
"Red meat is not bad for you. Now blue-green meat, that's bad for you!" - Tommy Smothers
"If you're using two-pound weights, how did you even open the door to the gym?"
- Dave Attell
“I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.”- Erik Satie
"I don't get why people pay to exercise in a gym when it's free to not exercise."
- Bridger Winegar
"I refuse to spend my life worrying about what I eat. There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward." - John Mortimer
“I am convinced digestion is the great secret to life.”
Sydney Smith
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
“Eating words has never given me indigestion.”
Unknown
"I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity." - Edgar Allen Poe
"I go to the gym three days a week. You have to or else - I don't want to be the guy that dies shoveling snow."
- Douglas Coupland
"There's lots of people in this world who spend so much time watching their health that they haven't the time to enjoy it." - Josh Billings
"The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back"- Franklin P. Jones
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
“The only exercise I’ve done this month is running out of money"
"If the poor overweight jogger only knew how far he had to run to work off the calories in a crust of bread he might find it better in terms of pound per mile to go to a massage parlor."
- Christiaan Barnard
"My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass." - Leslie Grimutter
"Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches." - V.L. Allineare
"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it." —Lily Toml
"My inner advisor is dying to heal me." - Astrid Alauda
"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet." - Rodney Dangerfield
"Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon." - Doug Larson
"A hospital is no place to be sick." —Samuel Goldwyn
“It’s a bit unnerving That doctors call what they do practice.”
Unknown
"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities." - Dr. Seuss
"Fitness: If it came in a bottle, everyone would have a great body."
- Cher.
"Men make use of their illnesses at least as much as they are made use of by them." - Aldous Huxley
"I don't exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor"- Joan Rivers