"To lose weight, spend time at the gym. To appear like you've lost weight, spend time with people who are bigger than you."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana
“Anywhere is walking distance if you have got the time.”
Steven Wright
"I can sympathize with people's pains but not with their pleasures. There is something curiously boring about somebody else's happiness." - Aldous Huxley
"Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge"- Don Kardong
"Warning... I'm exercising, eating right and watching my alcohol intake... which means I'm sober, I'm cranky and I'm sore, so proceed with caution!"
"Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane." - Philip K. Dick
“I don’t deserve a Songwriters Hall of Fame Award. But fifteen years ago, I had a brain operation and I didn’t deserve that, either. So I’ll keep it.”
Don Kardong.
"When future archaeologists dig up the remains of California, they're going to find all of those gyms, their scary-looking gym equipment, and they're going to assume that we were a culture obsessed with torture."
- Douglas Coupland
"The trouble with always trying to preserve the health of the body is that it is so difficult to do without destroying the health of the mind." - G.K. Chesterton
"A hospital is no place to be sick." —Samuel Goldwyn
"There's lots of people in this world who spend so much time watching their health that they haven't the time to enjoy it." - Josh Billings
"Eating words has never given me indigestion." —Winston Churchill
"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it." —Lily Toml
"I've always enjoyed poor health." —Taylor Caldwell
“Half the modern could drugs well be thrown out the window, except that the birds might eat them.”
Unknown
“Eating words has never given me indigestion.”
Unknown
"My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit."
- Phyllis Dille
"If the poor overweight jogger only knew how far he had to run to work off the calories in a crust of bread he might find it better in terms of pound per mile to go to a massage parlor."
- Christiaan Barnard
“I like long walks especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”
Fred Allen
"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook"- Julia Child
“It’s a bit unnerving That doctors call what they do practice.”
Unknown
"Doctors are always working to preserve our health and cooks to destroy it, but the latter are the more often successful." - Denis Diderot
"I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me"- Fred Allen.
“An apple a day keeps the doctor away, But if the doctor is cute forget the fruit.”
Sammie
“Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge.”
Tom Waits
"When I feel like exercising I just lie down until the feeling goes away."
- Robert M. Hutchins.
"I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity." - Edgar Allen Poe
“The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you are not in shape for it, its too far to walk back.”
Andy Rooney
"I don't exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor"- Joan Rivers
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." —Alexander the Great
“I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.”- Erik Satie
"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
"I don't get why people pay to exercise in a gym when it's free to not exercise."
- Bridger Winegar
"I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number ou get in a diamond"- Mae West
“The only exercise I’ve done this month is running out of money"
"I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol."- Steven Write
"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet." - Rodney Dangerfield
"I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back." - Richard Lewis
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died." —Erma Bombeck
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." — Unknown
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
"Never eat more than you can lift"- Miss Piggy.
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"I tried every diet in the book. I tried some that weren't in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets."- Dolly Parton
“Excercise? I thought you said extra fries.”
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities." - Dr. Seuss
"I can't believe we got grades in gym class. I've never used anything I learned in there."
- Jim Gaffigan
"I will never break up with my gym. We just seem to workout."
- Unknown.
“I have to excercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing."- Marsha Doble.