"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it." —Lily Tomlin
“An apple a day keeps the doctor away, But if the doctor is cute forget the fruit.”
Sammie
"I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back." - Richard Lewis
"I go to the gym three days a week. You have to or else - I don't want to be the guy that dies shoveling snow."
- Douglas Coupland
“The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you are not in shape for it, its too far to walk back.”
Andy Rooney
“Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge.”
Tom Waits
"If you're using two-pound weights, how did you even open the door to the gym?"
- Dave Attell
"Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise' I wash my mouth out with chocolate!"
- Unknown.
"Fitness: If it came in a bottle, everyone would have a great body."
- Cher.
"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet." - Rodney Dangerfield
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
“It’s a bit unnerving That doctors call what they do practice.”
Unknown
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
"If the poor overweight jogger only knew how far he had to run to work off the calories in a crust of bread he might find it better in terms of pound per mile to go to a massage parlor."
- Christiaan Barnard
"I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. he other two are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves"
"Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined." - Samuel Goldwyn
“Never eat more than you can lift.”
Miss Piggy
"We pay our gym membership for the permission to exercise in the gym, not for the owner(s) of the gym to exercise for us."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana.
“Half the modern could drugs well be thrown out the window, except that the birds might eat them.”
Unknown
"My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit."
- Phyllis Dille
"Some people would fall in or out of love with you if you lose or gain a few kilos."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred." —Woody Allen
"Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night." —Dave Barry
"I don't exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor"- Joan Rivers
“I have to excercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing."- Marsha Doble.
“It’s bizarre that the [grocery store] produce manager is more important to my children’s health than the pediatrician.”
Unknown
“Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.” —Mark Twain
“Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches.”
Unknown
"I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing."
- Marsha Doble
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." —Alexander the Great
"Many so-called spiritual people, they overeat, drink too much, they smoke and don't exercise. But they do go to church every week and pray 'Please help my arthritis. Please help me bring up my strength, make me young again.'"
- Jack LaLanne
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
"Never eat more than you can lift"- Miss Piggy.
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"I tried every diet in the book. I tried some that weren't in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets."- Dolly Parton
"I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity." - Edgar Allen Poe
"How sickness enlarges the dimension of a man's self to himself!"- Charles Lamb
"The best abs exercise is five sets of stop eating so much..."
– Lazar Angelov
"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook"- Julia Child
"A bad cold wouldn't be so annoying if it weren't for the advice of our friends." - Kin Hubbard
"Take the admission to the gym to avoid the admission to the hospital."
- Amit Kalantri
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
“I have removed all the bad food from my house, it was delicious.”
“Excercise? I thought you said extra fries.”
“Eating words has never given me indigestion.”
Unknown
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
"Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?" —George Carlin
"Warning... I'm exercising, eating right and watching my alcohol intake... which means I'm sober, I'm cranky and I'm sore, so proceed with caution!"
"The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back"- Franklin P. Jones
"Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches." - V.L. Allineare
"Half the modern drugs could well be thrown out the window, except that the birds might eat them." - Martin H. Fischer
"Let's have a moment of silence for all those Americans who are stuck in traffic on their way to the gym to ride the stationary bicycle."
- Earl Blumenauer.