“An apple a day keeps the doctor away, But if the doctor is cute forget the fruit.”
Sammie
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
"Warning... I'm exercising, eating right and watching my alcohol intake... which means I'm sober, I'm cranky and I'm sore, so proceed with caution!"
“It’s a bit unnerving That doctors call what they do practice.”
Unknown
"If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself." —Mickey Mantle
“Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.” —Mark Twain
"My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit."
- Phyllis Dille
"Let's have a moment of silence for all those Americans who are stuck in traffic on their way to the gym to ride the stationary bicycle."
- Earl Blumenauer.
"You ever look for the remote control, but you can't find it, so you just decide, 'Ah, guess I'm not watching TV. I'm not gonna take two steps and turn it on myself. I'll go to the gym if I'm going to work out.'"
- Jim Gaffigan.
“Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches.”
Unknown
"Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing." —Redd Foxx
"I am pretty sure that, if you will be quite honest, you will admit that a good rousing sneeze, one that tears open your collar and throws your hair into your eyes, is really one of life's sensational pleasures." - Robert Benchley
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
"If the poor overweight jogger only knew how far he had to run to work off the calories in a crust of bread he might find it better in terms of pound per mile to go to a massage parlor."
- Christiaan Barnard
“Anorexia is a disease not a fashion statement.”
Brooke
“The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you are not in shape for it, its too far to walk back.”
Andy Rooney
"Some people would fall in or out of love with you if you lose or gain a few kilos."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana
“I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.”- Erik Satie
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." —Alexander the Great
"When I feel like exercising I just lie down until the feeling goes away."
- Robert M. Hutchins.
"Health is merely the slowest way someone can die."
"Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise' I wash my mouth out with chocolate!"
- Unknown.
"When future archaeologists dig up the remains of California, they're going to find all of those gyms, their scary-looking gym equipment, and they're going to assume that we were a culture obsessed with torture."
- Douglas Coupland
"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it." —Lily Toml
"The word aerobics came about when the gym instructors got together and said, 'If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it jumping up and down'" - Rita Rudner
"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook"- Julia Child
"My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass." - Leslie Grimutter
"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint." —Mark Twain
"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounding yourself with ass****s." - William Gibson
"How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but it takes nine visits." - Author unknown
"The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back"- Franklin P. Jones
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
"I believe every human has a finite number of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises."
- Neil Armstrong.
"If you're using two-pound weights, how did you even open the door to the gym?"
- Dave Attell
"A bad cold wouldn't be so annoying if it weren't for the advice of our friends." - Kin Hubbard
“I am convinced digestion is the great secret to life.”
Sydney Smith
"Half the modern drugs could well be thrown out the window, except that the birds might eat them." - Martin H. Fischer
"Doctors are always working to preserve our health and cooks to destroy it, but the latter are the more often successful." - Denis Diderot
"My inner advisor is dying to heal me." - Astrid Alauda
"Eating words has never given me indigestion." —Winston Churchill
"Red meat is not bad for you. Now blue-green meat, that's bad for you!" - Tommy Smothers
"The trouble with always trying to preserve the health of the body is that it is so difficult to do without destroying the health of the mind." - G.K. Chesterton
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." — Unknown
"Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory"- Albert Schweitzer
"I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. he other two are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves"
"Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night." —Dave Barry
“Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.” —Redd Fox
“Anywhere is walking distance if you have got the time.”
Steven Wright
"If it weren't for the fact that the TV set and the refrigeratir are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all"- Joey Adams