"Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches." - V.L. Allineare
"How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but it takes nine visits." - Author unknown
"Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge"- Don Kardong
"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint." —Mark Twain
“I like long walks especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”
Fred Allen
"My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass." - Leslie Grimutter
"My inner advisor is dying to heal me." - Astrid Alauda
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
"Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?" —George Carlin
"A hospital is no place to be sick." —Samuel Goldwyn
"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died." —Erma Bombeck
“Half the modern could drugs well be thrown out the window, except that the birds might eat them.”
Unknown
"I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number ou get in a diamond"- Mae West
"Men make use of their illnesses at least as much as they are made use of by them." - Aldous Huxley
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
"My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit."
- Phyllis Dille
"The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back"- Franklin P. Jones
“Excercise? I thought you said extra fries.”
"Take the admission to the gym to avoid the admission to the hospital."
- Amit Kalantri
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." —Alexander the Great
"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle
"Older people shouldn't eat health food. They need all the preservatives they can get." —Robert Orben
“I tried every diet that was in the book, I tried some that weren’t in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets.”
Dolly Parton
"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet." - Rodney Dangerfield
"When I feel like exercising I just lie down until the feeling goes away."
- Robert M. Hutchins.
"Let's have a moment of silence for all those Americans who are stuck in traffic on their way to the gym to ride the stationary bicycle."
- Earl Blumenauer.
"To lose weight, spend time at the gym. To appear like you've lost weight, spend time with people who are bigger than you."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana
“I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.”- Erik Satie
“It’s bizarre that the [grocery store] produce manager is more important to my children’s health than the pediatrician.”
Unknown
"Fitness: If it came in a bottle, everyone would have a great body."
- Cher.
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
“Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge.”
Tom Waits
"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities." - Dr. Seuss
"I am pretty sure that, if you will be quite honest, you will admit that a good rousing sneeze, one that tears open your collar and throws your hair into your eyes, is really one of life's sensational pleasures." - Robert Benchley
“Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches.”
Unknown
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred." —Woody Allen
"If your doctor's last name is Google, it's time to get a second opinion…" - Toni Bernhard, J.D.
"I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity." - Edgar Allen Poe
"Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night." —Dave Barry
"Never eat more than you can lift"- Miss Piggy.
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"I tried every diet in the book. I tried some that weren't in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets."- Dolly Parton
"Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane." - Philip K. Dick
"I can't believe we got grades in gym class. I've never used anything I learned in there."
- Jim Gaffigan
"If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself." —Mickey Mantle
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
"I only workout, because I really really like donuts."
- Unknown
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
“Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.” —Mark Twain
"Some people would fall in or out of love with you if you lose or gain a few kilos."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana
"I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol."- Steven Write
"Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined." - Samuel Goldwyn