"I can't believe we got grades in gym class. I've never used anything I learned in there."
- Jim Gaffigan
"Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge"- Don Kardong
"A hospital is no place to be sick." —Samuel Goldwyn
"If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself." —Mickey Mantle
"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it." —Lily Tomlin
"Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?" —George Carlin
"If it weren't for the fact that the TV set and the refrigeratir are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all"- Joey Adams
"Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane." - Philip K. Dick
"I will never break up with my gym. We just seem to workout."
- Unknown.
"I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me"- Fred Allen.
“I like long walks especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”
Fred Allen
“Half the modern could drugs well be thrown out the window, except that the birds might eat them.”
Unknown
"I only workout, because I really really like donuts."
- Unknown
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." — Unknown
"Doctors are always working to preserve our health and cooks to destroy it, but the latter are the more often successful." - Denis Diderot
“Eating words has never given me indigestion.”
Unknown
"You ever look for the remote control, but you can't find it, so you just decide, 'Ah, guess I'm not watching TV. I'm not gonna take two steps and turn it on myself. I'll go to the gym if I'm going to work out.'"
- Jim Gaffigan.
“Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge.”
Tom Waits
"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet." - Rodney Dangerfield
“I tried every diet that was in the book, I tried some that weren’t in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets.”
Dolly Parton
"If you're using two-pound weights, how did you even open the door to the gym?"
- Dave Attell
"I refuse to spend my life worrying about what I eat. There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward." - John Mortimer
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." —Alexander the Great
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
"I believe every human has a finite number of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises."
- Neil Armstrong.
"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it." —Lily Toml
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not." - Mark Twain
"Health is merely the slowest way someone can die."
"We pay our gym membership for the permission to exercise in the gym, not for the owner(s) of the gym to exercise for us."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana.
“It’s bizarre that the [grocery store] produce manager is more important to my children’s health than the pediatrician.”
Unknown
"Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon." - Doug Larson
"If you want to know the correct way to perform an exercise, the answer is: Whatever hurts most."
- Jason Love.
"I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing."
- Marsha Doble
“Anywhere is walking distance if you have got the time.”
Steven Wright
"Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night." —Dave Barry
"Men scream and go crazy in the gym. I'm a silent workout partner, but when my adrenaline gets up, I talk trash."
- Fergie
"Take the admission to the gym to avoid the admission to the hospital."
- Amit Kalantri
“I have removed all the bad food from my house, it was delicious.”
“All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.” —Alexander Woollcott
"I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number ou get in a diamond"- Mae West
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
“I am convinced digestion is the great secret to life.”
Sydney Smith
"I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. he other two are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves"
"My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass." - Leslie Grimutter
"I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol."- Steven Write
"The word aerobics came about when the gym instructors got together and said, 'If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it jumping up and down'" - Rita Rudner
"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle
"Never eat more than you can lift"- Miss Piggy.
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"I tried every diet in the book. I tried some that weren't in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets."- Dolly Parton
"Warning... I'm exercising, eating right and watching my alcohol intake... which means I'm sober, I'm cranky and I'm sore, so proceed with caution!"
"I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity." - Edgar Allen Poe