"I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back." - Richard Lewis
“Anorexia is a disease not a fashion statement.”
Brooke
"If your doctor's last name is Google, it's time to get a second opinion…" - Toni Bernhard, J.D.
"If it weren't for the fact that the TV set and the refrigeratir are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all"- Joey Adams
"My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass." - Leslie Grimutter
"When I feel like exercising I just lie down until the feeling goes away."
- Robert M. Hutchins.
"I will never break up with my gym. We just seem to workout."
- Unknown.
"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook"- Julia Child
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
“Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.” —Redd Fox
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." — Unknown
"Men make use of their illnesses at least as much as they are made use of by them." - Aldous Huxley
"How sickness enlarges the dimension of a man's self to himself!"- Charles Lamb
"You ever look for the remote control, but you can't find it, so you just decide, 'Ah, guess I'm not watching TV. I'm not gonna take two steps and turn it on myself. I'll go to the gym if I'm going to work out.'"
- Jim Gaffigan.
"I believe every human has a finite number of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises."
- Neil Armstrong.
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
"To lose weight, spend time at the gym. To appear like you've lost weight, spend time with people who are bigger than you."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana
"My inner advisor is dying to heal me." - Astrid Alauda
"I refuse to spend my life worrying about what I eat. There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward." - John Mortimer
"Health is merely the slowest way someone can die."
"Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory"- Albert Schweitzer
"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died." —Erma Bombeck
"I don't get why people pay to exercise in a gym when it's free to not exercise."
- Bridger Winegar
"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities." - Dr. Seuss
"Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise' I wash my mouth out with chocolate!"
- Unknown.
"Many so-called spiritual people, they overeat, drink too much, they smoke and don't exercise. But they do go to church every week and pray 'Please help my arthritis. Please help me bring up my strength, make me young again.'"
- Jack LaLanne
"Older people shouldn't eat health food. They need all the preservatives they can get." —Robert Orben
"The word aerobics came about when the gym instructors got together and said, 'If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it jumping up and down'" - Rita Rudner
"My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit."
- Phyllis Dille
"If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer." - Clement Freud
"If you want to know the correct way to perform an exercise, the answer is: Whatever hurts most."
- Jason Love.
“Eating words has never given me indigestion.”
Unknown
“Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.” —Mark Twain
"Take the admission to the gym to avoid the admission to the hospital."
- Amit Kalantri
"The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back"- Franklin P. Jones
“The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you are not in shape for it, its too far to walk back.”
Andy Rooney
"Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge"- Don Kardong
"If you're using two-pound weights, how did you even open the door to the gym?"
- Dave Attell
"I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing."
- Marsha Doble
“I tried every diet that was in the book, I tried some that weren’t in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets.”
Dolly Parton
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
“Never eat more than you can lift.”
Miss Piggy
"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle
“It’s bizarre that the [grocery store] produce manager is more important to my children’s health than the pediatrician.”
Unknown
"I can't believe we got grades in gym class. I've never used anything I learned in there."
- Jim Gaffigan
"Warning... I'm exercising, eating right and watching my alcohol intake... which means I'm sober, I'm cranky and I'm sore, so proceed with caution!"
"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it." —Lily Tomlin
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
“Fond of doctors, little health, Fond of lawyers, little wealth.”
Proverb