“Perhaps one reason we are fascinated by cats is because such a small animal can contain so much independence, dignity, and freedom of spirit. Unlike the dog, the cat’s personality is never bet on a human’s. He demands acceptance on his own terms.”
- Lloyd Alexander.
“All of the animals except for man know that the principle business of life is to enjoy it.”
- Samuel Butler..
“If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them.”
- Phil Pastoret.
"Dogs never bite me. Just humans."
- Marilyn Monroe
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
“No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens." - Abraham Lincoln
“In order to maintain a well-balanced perspective, the person who has a dog to worship him should also have a cat to ignore him.” —Peterborough Examiner, Canada
“You can always tell about somebody by the way they put their hands on an animal.”
- Betty White.
“After scolding one’s cat one looks into its face and is seized by the ugly suspicion that it understood every word. And has filed it for reference.”
- Charlotte Gray.
“In LA we get coyotes in our garbage cans. Coyotes are just like my relatives. They go out in pairs, they whine at night, and they go anywhere there’s food."
- Billy Crystal
“My relationships with my cats have saved me from a deadly, pervasive ignorance.”
- William S. Burroughs.
“If I could be half the person my dog is, I’d be twice the human I am.”—Charles Yu
“No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation."
- Fran Lebowitz
“Always remember, a cat looks down on man, a dog looks up to man, but a pig will look man right in the eye and see his equal.”
- Sir Winston Churchill.
“A dog desires affection more than its dinner. Well—almost.”—Charlotte Gray
“My favorite animal is steak."
- Fran Lebowitz
"The cow is of the bovine ilk: One end is moo, the other, milk."
- Ogden Nash
“Dogs teach us a very important lesson in life: the mailman is not to be trusted.”—Sian Ford
“God in his wisdom made the fly, And then forgot to tell us why.”
- Ogden Nash.
“Animals may be our friends, but they won’t pick you up at the airport."
- Bobcat Goldthwait
“Saw a chameleon today so I'm assuming it wasn't a very good one." - Unknown Author
“Lots of people talk to animals... Not very many listen though... that's the problem.”
― A.A. Milne.
“I admit opening an alligator petting zoo was not the best idea, but I told the kids to be careful so there’s plenty of blame to go around.”
- John Lyon.
“Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.” – Winston Churchill
"Ideas are like rabbits. You get a couple and learn how to handle them, and pretty soon you have a dozen."
- John Steinbeck.
“What do dogs do on their day off? Can’t lie around – that’s their job.”
- George Carlin.
“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."
- Groucho Marx
“A well-trained dog will make no attempt to share your lunch. He will just make you feel so guilty that you cannot enjoy it.”—Helen Thomson
“It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.”—Rodney Dangerfield
“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid."
- Mark Twain
“If I'm ever being chased by a giraffe I'm gonna run into a place with low ceiling fans. Sorry, giraffe, but I gotta do what's best for me."
- Amber Tozer
“I find that ducks’ opinion of me is greatly influenced by whether I have bread."
- Mitch Hedberg
“What does a snail say when he rides on the back of a turtle?
“Whee!”
- Will Durst
“Three rebels against the light: the thief, the adulterer, and the bat.”
- Hebrew Proverb.
“People teach their dog to sit; it’s a trick. I’ve been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky.”—Mitch Hedberg
“Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives.”
- Sue Murphy.
“A hen is just an egg’s way of making another egg.”
- Weird Science.
“Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.” —Jeff Valdez
“Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.”
- Mary Bly.
“Our perfect companions never have fewer than four feet.”
- Colette.
“Time spent with cats is never wasted.”
Sigmund Freud
“Never stand between a dog and the fire hydrant.”—John Peer
“I’ve never met an animal I didn’t like, and I can’t say the same thing about people.”
- Doris Day.
“Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.”
- Franklin P. Jones.
“We’ve all done this because we’re so mature. You see a cow on the side of the road, stick your head out the window and go, “Mooooo!” Like we expect the cow to think, “Hey, there’s another cow, driving that car! How can he afford that?”
- Garry Shandling.
“Always respect Mother Nature. Especially when she weighs 400 pounds and is guarding her baby.”
- James Rollins.
“They say that love is more important, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?” – Anonymous
“If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of fun out of owning one.” —Andrew A. Rooney