“All of the animals except for man know that the principle business of life is to enjoy it.”
- Samuel Butler..
“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."
- Groucho Marx
“I admit opening an alligator petting zoo was not the best idea, but I told the kids to be careful so there’s plenty of blame to go around.”
- John Lyon.
“Time spent with cats is never wasted.”
Sigmund Freud
“I take my pet lion to church every Sunday. He has to eat.”
- Marty Pollio.
“If you’re a zebra being chased by a lion, maybe just stop in front of a giant bar code?”
- Guy Endore-Kaiser.
“The best way to get a puppy is to beg for a baby brother—and they will settle for a puppy every time.”—Winston Pendelton
“When an 85-pound mammal licks your tears away, then tries to sit on your lap, it’s hard to feel sad.”—Kristan Higgins
“I don’t understand people who don’t touch their pets. Their cat or dog is called a pet for a reason.”
- Jarod Kintz.
“The happiness of the bee and the dolphin is to exist. For man, it is to know that and to wonder at it.”
- Jacques Yves Cousteau.
“Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it." ~ David Lee Roth
“I’ve never met an animal I didn’t like, and I can’t say the same thing about people.”
- Doris Day.
“There’s no need for a piece of sculpture in a home that has a cat.”
- Wesley Bates.
“They say that love is more important, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?” – Anonymous
“What do dogs do on their day off? Can’t lie around – that’s their job.”
- George Carlin.
“If owl parties aren't called hootenannies, this world will never make sense again."
- Reverend Badger
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
“After scolding one’s cat one looks into its face and is seized by the ugly suspicion that it understood every word. And has filed it for reference.”
- Charlotte Gray.
"Ideas are like rabbits. You get a couple and learn how to handle them, and pretty soon you have a dozen."
- John Steinbeck.
“Three rebels against the light: the thief, the adulterer, and the bat.”
- Hebrew Proverb.
“Beaver do better work than the Corps of Engineers.”
- Mike Todd.
“My friend was attacked by a duck. I yelled “duck!” to warn him, but it just made it worse.”
- Kelkulus.
“No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.”
- Kin Hubbard.
“If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of fun out of owning one.” —Andrew A. Rooney
“Some of our greatest historical and artistic treasures we place with curators in museums; others we take for walks.”—Roger Caras
“To my mind, the only possible pet is a cow. Cows love you… They will listen to your problems and never ask a thing in return. They will be your friends forever. And when you get tired of them, you can kill and eat them. Perfect.”
Bill Bryson
“It’s just the most amazing thing to love a dog, isn’t it? It makes our relationships with people seem as boring as a bowl of oatmeal.”—John Grogan
“Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them’s making a poop, the other one’s carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?”
- Jerry Seinfeld.
“The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He’s got a little bit of a Barney Fife quality to him.”
- Jeff Foxworthy.
“Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them's making a poop, the other one's carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?”
Jerry Seinfeld
“A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.” —Robert Benchley
“If I'm ever being chased by a giraffe I'm gonna run into a place with low ceiling fans. Sorry, giraffe, but I gotta do what's best for me."
- Amber Tozer
“Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.” – Winston Churchill
“Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.”
- Mary Bly.
“If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warm.”
- Alfred North Whitehead.
“My favorite animal is steak."
- Fran Lebowitz
“In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.”
- Terry Pratchett.
“The household cat is really a tiger that has underwent three counselling programs.”
- Valeriu Butulescu.
“No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation."
- Fran Lebowitz
“Our perfect companions never have fewer than four feet.”
- Colette.
“My fashion philosophy is if you’re not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.”
- Elayne Boosler.
“My relationships with my cats have saved me from a deadly, pervasive ignorance.”
- William S. Burroughs.
“A dog desires affection more than its dinner. Well—almost.”—Charlotte Gray
“Animals may be our friends, but they won’t pick you up at the airport."
- Bobcat Goldthwait
“A dog is one of the remaining reasons why some people can be persuaded to go for a walk.”—Orlando Aloysius Battista
“You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, ‘Wow, you’re right! I never would’ve thought of that!’”—Dave Barry
“Anytime you see a turtle up on top of a fence post, you know he had some help."
- Alex Haley
“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”
Groucho Marx
“Watching a dog try to chew a large piece of toffee is a pastime fit for gods. Mr. Fusspot’s mixed ancestry had given him a dexterity of jaw that was truly awesome. He somersaulted happily around the floor, making faces like a rubber gargoyle in a washing machine.”—Terry Pratchett
“The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.”
- Ambrose Bierce.