“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.”
- Mark Twain.
“Lots of people talk to animals... Not very many listen though... that's the problem.”
― A.A. Milne.
“Dogs laugh, but they laugh with their tails.”
- Max Eastman.
“I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.”
Winston Churchill
“Size isn’t everything. The whale is endangered, while the ant continues to do just fine.”
- Bill Vaughan.
“Three rebels against the light: the thief, the adulterer, and the bat.”
- Hebrew Proverb.
“Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.” —Jeff Valdez
“Perhaps one reason we are fascinated by cats is because such a small animal can contain so much independence, dignity, and freedom of spirit. Unlike the dog, the cat’s personality is never bet on a human’s. He demands acceptance on his own terms.”
- Lloyd Alexander.
“The household cat is really a tiger that has underwent three counselling programs.”
- Valeriu Butulescu.
“The only reason a great many American families don't own an elephant is that they have never been offered an elephant for a dollar down and easy weekly payments."
- Mad Magazine
“In order to maintain a well-balanced perspective, the person who has a dog to worship him should also have a cat to ignore him.” —Peterborough Examiner, Canada
“Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.”
- Ann Landers.
“I’m stuck between “I need to save money.” and “You only live once.”” – Anonymous
“The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.”
- Andy Rooney.
“Time spent with cats is never wasted.”
Sigmund Freud
“A dog desires affection more than its dinner. Well—almost.”—Charlotte Gray
“Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.”
- Mary Bly.
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
“If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warm.”
- Alfred North Whitehead.
“I’ve never met an animal I didn’t like, and I can’t say the same thing about people.”
- Doris Day.
“No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.”
- Kin Hubbard.
“Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.”
- Franklin P. Jones.
“A dog is one of the remaining reasons why some people can be persuaded to go for a walk.”—Orlando Aloysius Battista
“A well-trained dog will make no attempt to share your lunch. He will just make you feel so guilty that you cannot enjoy it.”—Helen Thomson
“God in his wisdom made the fly, And then forgot to tell us why.”
- Ogden Nash.
“What does a snail say when he rides on the back of a turtle?
“Whee!”
- Will Durst
“My fashion philosophy is if you’re not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.”
- Elayne Boosler.
“Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.” – Winston Churchill
“The best thing about animals is that they don’t talk much.”
- Thornton Wilder.
“After scolding one’s cat one looks into its face and is seized by the ugly suspicion that it understood every word. And has filed it for reference.”
- Charlotte Gray.
“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”
Groucho Marx
“Never stand between a dog and the fire hydrant.”—John Peer
“Always remember, a cat looks down on man, a dog looks up to man, but a pig will look man right in the eye and see his equal.”
- Sir Winston Churchill.
“It’s just the most amazing thing to love a dog, isn’t it? It makes our relationships with people seem as boring as a bowl of oatmeal.”—John Grogan
“Animals may be our friends, but they won’t pick you up at the airport."
- Bobcat Goldthwait
“I’ve seen a look in dogs’ eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically, dogs think humans are nuts.”
- John Steinbeck.
"The cow is of the bovine ilk: One end is moo, the other, milk."
- Ogden Nash
“I don’t understand people who don’t touch their pets. Their cat or dog is called a pet for a reason.”
- Jarod Kintz.
“When an 85-pound mammal licks your tears away, then tries to sit on your lap, it’s hard to feel sad.”—Kristan Higgins
“Dogs teach us a very important lesson in life: the mailman is not to be trusted.”—Sian Ford
“Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives.”
- Sue Murphy.
“In LA we get coyotes in our garbage cans. Coyotes are just like my relatives. They go out in pairs, they whine at night, and they go anywhere there’s food."
- Billy Crystal
“Time spent with cats is never wasted.”
- Sigmund Freud
“As wonderful as dogs can be, they are famous for missing the point.”—Jean Ferris
“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”
- Groucho Marx.
“A hen is just an egg’s way of making another egg.”
- Weird Science.
“Watching a dog try to chew a large piece of toffee is a pastime fit for gods. Mr. Fusspot’s mixed ancestry had given him a dexterity of jaw that was truly awesome. He somersaulted happily around the floor, making faces like a rubber gargoyle in a washing machine.”—Terry Pratchett
“To my mind, the only possible pet is a cow. Cows love you… They will listen to your problems and never ask a thing in return. They will be your friends forever. And when you get tired of them, you can kill and eat them. Perfect.”
Bill Bryson
“They say that love is more important, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?” – Anonymous
“Never break a promise to an animal. They're like babies—they won't understand.”
― Tamora Pierc