“Dogs laugh, but they laugh with their tails.”
- Max Eastman.
“My dog is a half pit bull, half poodle. Not much of a watchdog, but a vicious gossip!”
- Craig Shoemaker.
“Watching a dog try to chew a large piece of toffee is a pastime fit for gods. Mr. Fusspot’s mixed ancestry had given him a dexterity of jaw that was truly awesome. He somersaulted happily around the floor, making faces like a rubber gargoyle in a washing machine.”—Terry Pratchett
“The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.”
- Andy Rooney.
“If you’re a zebra being chased by a lion, maybe just stop in front of a giant bar code?”
- Guy Endore-Kaiser.
“If I could be half the person my dog is, I’d be twice the human I am.”—Charles Yu
“A dog is one of the remaining reasons why some people can be persuaded to go for a walk.”—Orlando Aloysius Battista
“Anytime you see a turtle up on top of a fence post, you know he had some help."
- Alex Haley
“When an 85-pound mammal licks your tears away, then tries to sit on your lap, it’s hard to feel sad.”—Kristan Higgins
“Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.”
- Ann Landers.
“Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.”
- Mary Bly.
“Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them’s making a poop, the other one’s carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?”
- Jerry Seinfeld.
“Never stand between a dog and the fire hydrant.”—John Peer
“My relationships with my cats have saved me from a deadly, pervasive ignorance.”
- William S. Burroughs.
“People teach their dog to sit; it’s a trick. I’ve been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky.”—Mitch Hedberg
“Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.”
- Franklin P. Jones.
“I admit opening an alligator petting zoo was not the best idea, but I told the kids to be careful so there’s plenty of blame to go around.”
- John Lyon.
“A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.” —Robert Benchley