“A dog desires affection more than its dinner. Well—almost.”—Charlotte Gray
"Ideas are like rabbits. You get a couple and learn how to handle them, and pretty soon you have a dozen."
- John Steinbeck.
“When an 85-pound mammal licks your tears away, then tries to sit on your lap, it’s hard to feel sad.”—Kristan Higgins
“The only reason a great many American families don't own an elephant is that they have never been offered an elephant for a dollar down and easy weekly payments."
- Mad Magazine
“The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.”
- Ambrose Bierce.
“There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face."
Ben Williams
“Saw a chameleon today so I'm assuming it wasn't a very good one." - Unknown Author
“The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He’s got a little bit of a Barney Fife quality to him.”
- Jeff Foxworthy.
“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid."
- Mark Twain
“I take my pet lion to church every Sunday. He has to eat.”
- Marty Pollio.
“No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.”
- Kin Hubbard.
“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."
- Groucho Marx
“A cat is a puzzle for which there is no solution.”
- Hazel Nicholson.
“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.”
- Mark Twain.
“Some of our greatest historical and artistic treasures we place with curators in museums; others we take for walks.”—Roger Caras
“Lots of people talk to animals... Not very many listen though... that's the problem.”
― A.A. Milne.
“I admit opening an alligator petting zoo was not the best idea, but I told the kids to be careful so there’s plenty of blame to go around.”
- John Lyon.
“If you’re a zebra being chased by a lion, maybe just stop in front of a giant bar code?”
- Guy Endore-Kaiser.
“The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.”
- Andy Rooney.
“Animals may be our friends, but they won’t pick you up at the airport."
- Bobcat Goldthwait
“I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.”
Winston Churchill
“Our perfect companions never have fewer than four feet.”
- Colette.
“A well-trained dog will make no attempt to share your lunch. He will just make you feel so guilty that you cannot enjoy it.”—Helen Thomson
“If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them.”
- Phil Pastoret.
“A dog is one of the remaining reasons why some people can be persuaded to go for a walk.”—Orlando Aloysius Battista
“All of the animals except for man know that the principle business of life is to enjoy it.”
- Samuel Butler..
“You know why fish are so thin? They eat fish.
- Jerry Seinfeld"
“Dogs laugh, but they laugh with their tails.”
- Max Eastman.
“The happiness of the bee and the dolphin is to exist. For man, it is to know that and to wonder at it.”
- Jacques Yves Cousteau.
“After scolding one’s cat one looks into its face and is seized by the ugly suspicion that it understood every word. And has filed it for reference.”
- Charlotte Gray.
“In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.”
- Terry Pratchett.
“My friend was attacked by a duck. I yelled “duck!” to warn him, but it just made it worse.”
- Kelkulus.
“Man is an animal that makes bargains: no other animal does this - no dog exchanges bones with another.”
- Adam Smith.
“You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, ‘Wow, you’re right! I never would’ve thought of that!’”—Dave Barry
“Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.”
- Franklin P. Jones.
“If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warm.”
- Alfred North Whitehead.
“Once when I was golfing in Georgia, I hooked the ball into the swamp. I went in after it and found an alligator wearing a shirt with a picture of a little golfer on it.”
- Buddy Hackett.
“The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.”
- Charles De Gaulle.
“Three rebels against the light: the thief, the adulterer, and the bat.”
- Hebrew Proverb.
“There’s no need for a piece of sculpture in a home that has a cat.”
- Wesley Bates.
“If owl parties aren't called hootenannies, this world will never make sense again."
- Reverend Badger
“What does a snail say when he rides on the back of a turtle?
“Whee!”
- Will Durst
“The best way to get a puppy is to beg for a baby brother—and they will settle for a puppy every time.”—Winston Pendelton
“A hen is just an egg’s way of making another egg.”
- Weird Science.
“I’ve never met an animal I didn’t like, and I can’t say the same thing about people.”
- Doris Day.
“Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.”
- Mary Bly.
“My dog is a half pit bull, half poodle. Not much of a watchdog, but a vicious gossip!”
- Craig Shoemaker.
“If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.”
- Mark Twain.