“They say that love is more important, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?” – Anonymous
“Always remember, a cat looks down on man, a dog looks up to man, but a pig will look man right in the eye and see his equal.”
- Sir Winston Churchill.
“If you eliminate smoking and gambling, you will be amazed to find that almost all an Englishman’s pleasures can be, and mostly are, shared by his dog.”
George Bernard Shaw
“God in his wisdom made the fly, And then forgot to tell us why.”
- Ogden Nash.
“You know why fish are so thin? They eat fish.
- Jerry Seinfeld"
“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid."
- Mark Twain
“There’s no need for a piece of sculpture in a home that has a cat.”
- Wesley Bates.
“Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.” —Jeff Valdez
“Watching a dog try to chew a large piece of toffee is a pastime fit for gods. Mr. Fusspot’s mixed ancestry had given him a dexterity of jaw that was truly awesome. He somersaulted happily around the floor, making faces like a rubber gargoyle in a washing machine.”—Terry Pratchett
“If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.”
- Mark Twain.
“Beaver do better work than the Corps of Engineers.”
- Mike Todd.
“If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warm.”
- Alfred North Whitehead.
“You can always tell about somebody by the way they put their hands on an animal.”
- Betty White.
“A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.” —Robert Benchley
“When an 85-pound mammal licks your tears away, then tries to sit on your lap, it’s hard to feel sad.”—Kristan Higgins
“I don’t understand people who don’t touch their pets. Their cat or dog is called a pet for a reason.”
- Jarod Kintz.
“If I could be half the person my dog is, I’d be twice the human I am.”—Charles Yu
“Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.”
- Franklin P. Jones.
“The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.”
- Andy Rooney.
“Dogs have boundless enthusiasm but no sense of shame. I should have a dog as a life coach.”
- Moby.
“Time spent with cats is never wasted.”
- Sigmund Freud
“As wonderful as dogs can be, they are famous for missing the point.”—Jean Ferris
"Dogs never bite me. Just humans."
- Marilyn Monroe
“After scolding one’s cat one looks into its face and is seized by the ugly suspicion that it understood every word. And has filed it for reference.”
- Charlotte Gray.
“Time spent with cats is never wasted.”
Sigmund Freud
“My fashion philosophy is if you’re not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.”
- Elayne Boosler.
“My favorite animal is steak."
- Fran Lebowitz
“What do dogs do on their day off? Can’t lie around – that’s their job.”
- George Carlin.
“I admit opening an alligator petting zoo was not the best idea, but I told the kids to be careful so there’s plenty of blame to go around.”
- John Lyon.
“Anytime you see a turtle up on top of a fence post, you know he had some help."
- Alex Haley
“The best way to get a puppy is to beg for a baby brother—and they will settle for a puppy every time.”—Winston Pendelton
“Man is an animal that makes bargains: no other animal does this - no dog exchanges bones with another.”
- Adam Smith.
“If you’re a zebra being chased by a lion, maybe just stop in front of a giant bar code?”
- Guy Endore-Kaiser.
“Properly trained, a man can be dog’s best friend.”
- Corey Ford.
“No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens." - Abraham Lincoln
“My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am.” ~ Unknown
"The cow is of the bovine ilk: One end is moo, the other, milk."
- Ogden Nash
“If I'm ever being chased by a giraffe I'm gonna run into a place with low ceiling fans. Sorry, giraffe, but I gotta do what's best for me."
- Amber Tozer
“Dogs laugh, but they laugh with their tails.”
- Max Eastman.
“The only reason a great many American families don't own an elephant is that they have never been offered an elephant for a dollar down and easy weekly payments."
- Mad Magazine
“The household cat is really a tiger that has underwent three counselling programs.”
- Valeriu Butulescu.
“Scratch a dog and you’ll find a permanent job.”
- Franklin P. Jones.
“Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.” – Winston Churchill
“If owl parties aren't called hootenannies, this world will never make sense again."
- Reverend Badger
“A cat is a puzzle for which there is no solution.”
- Hazel Nicholson.
“If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of fun out of owning one.” —Andrew A. Rooney
“Always respect Mother Nature. Especially when she weighs 400 pounds and is guarding her baby.”
- James Rollins.
“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”
- Groucho Marx.