“I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.”
Winston Churchill
“Cats have a scam going – you buy the food, they eat the food, they go away; that’s the deal.”
- Eddie Izzard.
“There’s no need for a piece of sculpture in a home that has a cat.”
- Wesley Bates.
“Properly trained, a man can be dog’s best friend.”
- Corey Ford.
"Ideas are like rabbits. You get a couple and learn how to handle them, and pretty soon you have a dozen."
- John Steinbeck.
“If I could be half the person my dog is, I’d be twice the human I am.”—Charles Yu
“The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree." - Steven Alexander Wright
“A dog is one of the remaining reasons why some people can be persuaded to go for a walk.”—Orlando Aloysius Battista
“I find that ducks’ opinion of me is greatly influenced by whether I have bread."
- Mitch Hedberg
“Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it." ~ David Lee Roth
“Size isn’t everything. The whale is endangered, while the ant continues to do just fine.”
- Bill Vaughan.
“Some of our greatest historical and artistic treasures we place with curators in museums; others we take for walks.”—Roger Caras
“Once when I was golfing in Georgia, I hooked the ball into the swamp. I went in after it and found an alligator wearing a shirt with a picture of a little golfer on it.”
- Buddy Hackett.
“Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.”
- Ann Landers.
“Dogs teach us a very important lesson in life: the mailman is not to be trusted.”—Sian Ford
“Never break a promise to an animal. They're like babies—they won't understand.”
― Tamora Pierc
“My favorite animal is steak."
- Fran Lebowitz
“What does a snail say when he rides on the back of a turtle?
“Whee!”
- Will Durst
“Always respect Mother Nature. Especially when she weighs 400 pounds and is guarding her baby.”
- James Rollins.
“I’ve never met an animal I didn’t like, and I can’t say the same thing about people.”
- Doris Day.
“What do dogs do on their day off? Can’t lie around – that’s their job.”
- George Carlin.
"The cow is of the bovine ilk: One end is moo, the other, milk."
- Ogden Nash
“Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives.”
- Sue Murphy.
“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”
Groucho Marx
"Dogs never bite me. Just humans."
- Marilyn Monroe
“A cat is a puzzle for which there is no solution.”
- Hazel Nicholson.
“I’ve seen a look in dogs’ eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically, dogs think humans are nuts.”
- John Steinbeck.
“Beaver do better work than the Corps of Engineers.”
- Mike Todd.
“You know why fish are so thin? They eat fish.
- Jerry Seinfeld"
“My fashion philosophy is if you’re not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.”
- Elayne Boosler.
“A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.” —Robert Benchley
“Lots of people talk to animals... Not very many listen though... that's the problem.”
― A.A. Milne.
“Three rebels against the light: the thief, the adulterer, and the bat.”
- Hebrew Proverb.
“It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.”—Rodney Dangerfield
“Dogs have boundless enthusiasm but no sense of shame. I should have a dog as a life coach.”
- Moby.
“If I'm ever being chased by a giraffe I'm gonna run into a place with low ceiling fans. Sorry, giraffe, but I gotta do what's best for me."
- Amber Tozer
“If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.”
- Mark Twain.
“The best thing about animals is that they don’t talk much.”
- Thornton Wilder.
“If you’re a zebra being chased by a lion, maybe just stop in front of a giant bar code?”
- Guy Endore-Kaiser.
“I admit opening an alligator petting zoo was not the best idea, but I told the kids to be careful so there’s plenty of blame to go around.”
- John Lyon.
“No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation."
- Fran Lebowitz
“Man is an animal that makes bargains: no other animal does this - no dog exchanges bones with another.”
- Adam Smith.
“If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warm.”
- Alfred North Whitehead.
“A well-trained dog will make no attempt to share your lunch. He will just make you feel so guilty that you cannot enjoy it.”—Helen Thomson
“If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them.”
- Phil Pastoret.
“Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them’s making a poop, the other one’s carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?”
- Jerry Seinfeld.
“A hen is just an egg’s way of making another egg.”
- Weird Science.
“I take my pet lion to church every Sunday. He has to eat.”
- Marty Pollio.