“If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.”
- Mark Twain.
“Saw a chameleon today so I'm assuming it wasn't a very good one." - Unknown Author
“I’ve never met an animal I didn’t like, and I can’t say the same thing about people.”
- Doris Day.
“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.”
- Mark Twain.
“A dog desires affection more than its dinner. Well—almost.”—Charlotte Gray
"Dogs never bite me. Just humans."
- Marilyn Monroe
“A cat is a puzzle for which there is no solution.”
- Hazel Nicholson.
“A dog is one of the remaining reasons why some people can be persuaded to go for a walk.”—Orlando Aloysius Battista
“When an 85-pound mammal licks your tears away, then tries to sit on your lap, it’s hard to feel sad.”—Kristan Higgins
“After scolding one’s cat one looks into its face and is seized by the ugly suspicion that it understood every word. And has filed it for reference.”
- Charlotte Gray.
“God in his wisdom made the fly, And then forgot to tell us why.”
- Ogden Nash.
“Never break a promise to an animal. They're like babies—they won't understand.”
― Tamora Pierc
“To my mind, the only possible pet is a cow. Cows love you… They will listen to your problems and never ask a thing in return. They will be your friends forever. And when you get tired of them, you can kill and eat them. Perfect.”
Bill Bryson
“The only reason a great many American families don't own an elephant is that they have never been offered an elephant for a dollar down and easy weekly payments."
- Mad Magazine
“My dog is a half pit bull, half poodle. Not much of a watchdog, but a vicious gossip!”
- Craig Shoemaker.
“Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.” – Winston Churchill
“In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.”
- Terry Pratchett.
“I take my pet lion to church every Sunday. He has to eat.”
- Marty Pollio.
“If you’re a zebra being chased by a lion, maybe just stop in front of a giant bar code?”
- Guy Endore-Kaiser.
“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."
- Groucho Marx
“Dogs are great. Bad dogs, if you can really call them that, are perhaps the greatest of them all.”—John Grogan
“The household cat is really a tiger that has underwent three counselling programs.”
- Valeriu Butulescu.
“If I'm ever being chased by a giraffe I'm gonna run into a place with low ceiling fans. Sorry, giraffe, but I gotta do what's best for me."
- Amber Tozer
“When gorillas are sleeping, you can hide a bunch of raisins in their fur, and then they’ll have an exciting treat the next day."
- Guy Endore Kaiser
“If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warm.”
- Alfred North Whitehead.
“The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.”
- Charles De Gaulle.
“There’s no need for a piece of sculpture in a home that has a cat.”
- Wesley Bates.
“Our perfect companions never have fewer than four feet.”
- Colette.
“You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, ‘Wow, you’re right! I never would’ve thought of that!’”—Dave Barry
“You can always tell about somebody by the way they put their hands on an animal.”
- Betty White.
“Three rebels against the light: the thief, the adulterer, and the bat.”
- Hebrew Proverb.
“Watching a dog try to chew a large piece of toffee is a pastime fit for gods. Mr. Fusspot’s mixed ancestry had given him a dexterity of jaw that was truly awesome. He somersaulted happily around the floor, making faces like a rubber gargoyle in a washing machine.”—Terry Pratchett
“Always respect Mother Nature. Especially when she weighs 400 pounds and is guarding her baby.”
- James Rollins.
“I’m stuck between “I need to save money.” and “You only live once.”” – Anonymous
“Dogs have boundless enthusiasm but no sense of shame. I should have a dog as a life coach.”
- Moby.
“A hen is just an egg’s way of making another egg.”
- Weird Science.
“It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.”—Rodney Dangerfield
“The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He’s got a little bit of a Barney Fife quality to him.”
- Jeff Foxworthy.
“Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.”
- Ann Landers.
“Time spent with cats is never wasted.”
- Sigmund Freud
“I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.”
Winston Churchill
“It’s just the most amazing thing to love a dog, isn’t it? It makes our relationships with people seem as boring as a bowl of oatmeal.”—John Grogan
“My relationships with my cats have saved me from a deadly, pervasive ignorance.”
- William S. Burroughs.
“No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens." - Abraham Lincoln
“My favorite animal is steak."
- Fran Lebowitz
“Size isn’t everything. The whale is endangered, while the ant continues to do just fine.”
- Bill Vaughan.
“Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.” —Jeff Valdez
“Scratch a dog and you’ll find a permanent job.”
- Franklin P. Jones.