“Dogs laugh, but they laugh with their tails.”
- Max Eastman.
“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”
Groucho Marx
“You can always tell about somebody by the way they put their hands on an animal.”
- Betty White.
“The best way to get a puppy is to beg for a baby brother—and they will settle for a puppy every time.”—Winston Pendelton
“The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He’s got a little bit of a Barney Fife quality to him.”
- Jeff Foxworthy.
“A dog is one of the remaining reasons why some people can be persuaded to go for a walk.”—Orlando Aloysius Battista
“Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives.”
- Sue Murphy.
“Dogs have boundless enthusiasm but no sense of shame. I should have a dog as a life coach.”
- Moby.
“When gorillas are sleeping, you can hide a bunch of raisins in their fur, and then they’ll have an exciting treat the next day."
- Guy Endore Kaiser
“A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.” —Robert Benchley
“A cat is a puzzle for which there is no solution.”
- Hazel Nicholson.
“If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them.”
- Phil Pastoret.
“If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of fun out of owning one.” —Andrew A. Rooney
“I’m stuck between “I need to save money.” and “You only live once.”” – Anonymous
“Saw a chameleon today so I'm assuming it wasn't a very good one." - Unknown Author
“You know why fish are so thin? They eat fish.
- Jerry Seinfeld"
“Three rebels against the light: the thief, the adulterer, and the bat.”
- Hebrew Proverb.
“There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face."
Ben Williams
"Dogs never bite me. Just humans."
- Marilyn Monroe
“No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens." - Abraham Lincoln
“The happiness of the bee and the dolphin is to exist. For man, it is to know that and to wonder at it.”
- Jacques Yves Cousteau.
“My fashion philosophy is if you’re not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.”
- Elayne Boosler.
“Time spent with cats is never wasted.”
Sigmund Freud
“Lots of people talk to animals... Not very many listen though... that's the problem.”
― A.A. Milne.
“Watching a dog try to chew a large piece of toffee is a pastime fit for gods. Mr. Fusspot’s mixed ancestry had given him a dexterity of jaw that was truly awesome. He somersaulted happily around the floor, making faces like a rubber gargoyle in a washing machine.”—Terry Pratchett
“The household cat is really a tiger that has underwent three counselling programs.”
- Valeriu Butulescu.
“Once when I was golfing in Georgia, I hooked the ball into the swamp. I went in after it and found an alligator wearing a shirt with a picture of a little golfer on it.”
- Buddy Hackett.
“If I could be half the person my dog is, I’d be twice the human I am.”—Charles Yu
“I’ve never met an animal I didn’t like, and I can’t say the same thing about people.”
- Doris Day.
“My friend was attacked by a duck. I yelled “duck!” to warn him, but it just made it worse.”
- Kelkulus.
“God in his wisdom made the fly, And then forgot to tell us why.”
- Ogden Nash.
“Anytime you see a turtle up on top of a fence post, you know he had some help."
- Alex Haley
“Cats have a scam going – you buy the food, they eat the food, they go away; that’s the deal.”
- Eddie Izzard.
“Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.”
- Ann Landers.
“We’ve all done this because we’re so mature. You see a cow on the side of the road, stick your head out the window and go, “Mooooo!” Like we expect the cow to think, “Hey, there’s another cow, driving that car! How can he afford that?”
- Garry Shandling.
“The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree." - Steven Alexander Wright
“No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.”
- Kin Hubbard.
“Dogs are great. Bad dogs, if you can really call them that, are perhaps the greatest of them all.”—John Grogan
“Perhaps one reason we are fascinated by cats is because such a small animal can contain so much independence, dignity, and freedom of spirit. Unlike the dog, the cat’s personality is never bet on a human’s. He demands acceptance on his own terms.”
- Lloyd Alexander.
“I admit opening an alligator petting zoo was not the best idea, but I told the kids to be careful so there’s plenty of blame to go around.”
- John Lyon.
“They say that love is more important, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?” – Anonymous
“Time spent with cats is never wasted.”
- Sigmund Freud
“Scratch a dog and you’ll find a permanent job.”
- Franklin P. Jones.
“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”
- Groucho Marx.
“I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.”
Winston Churchill
“I don’t understand people who don’t touch their pets. Their cat or dog is called a pet for a reason.”
- Jarod Kintz.
“In order to maintain a well-balanced perspective, the person who has a dog to worship him should also have a cat to ignore him.” —Peterborough Examiner, Canada
“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid."
- Mark Twain