“If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of fun out of owning one.” —Andrew A. Rooney
“Saw a chameleon today so I'm assuming it wasn't a very good one." - Unknown Author
“The household cat is really a tiger that has underwent three counselling programs.”
- Valeriu Butulescu.
“You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, ‘Wow, you’re right! I never would’ve thought of that!’”—Dave Barry
“What does a snail say when he rides on the back of a turtle?
“Whee!”
- Will Durst
“If I'm ever being chased by a giraffe I'm gonna run into a place with low ceiling fans. Sorry, giraffe, but I gotta do what's best for me."
- Amber Tozer
“They say that love is more important, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?” – Anonymous
“What do dogs do on their day off? Can’t lie around – that’s their job.”
- George Carlin.
“Dogs laugh, but they laugh with their tails.”
- Max Eastman.
“We’ve all done this because we’re so mature. You see a cow on the side of the road, stick your head out the window and go, “Mooooo!” Like we expect the cow to think, “Hey, there’s another cow, driving that car! How can he afford that?”
- Garry Shandling.
“Beaver do better work than the Corps of Engineers.”
- Mike Todd.
“I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.”
Winston Churchill
“A hen is just an egg’s way of making another egg.”
- Weird Science.
“I take my pet lion to church every Sunday. He has to eat.”
- Marty Pollio.
“Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it." ~ David Lee Roth
“In LA we get coyotes in our garbage cans. Coyotes are just like my relatives. They go out in pairs, they whine at night, and they go anywhere there’s food."
- Billy Crystal
“Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them’s making a poop, the other one’s carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?”
- Jerry Seinfeld.
“Perhaps one reason we are fascinated by cats is because such a small animal can contain so much independence, dignity, and freedom of spirit. Unlike the dog, the cat’s personality is never bet on a human’s. He demands acceptance on his own terms.”
- Lloyd Alexander.