“Time spent with cats is never wasted.”
- Sigmund Freud
“I take my pet lion to church every Sunday. He has to eat.”
- Marty Pollio.
“My favorite animal is steak."
- Fran Lebowitz
“The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.”
- Ambrose Bierce.
“People teach their dog to sit; it’s a trick. I’ve been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky.”—Mitch Hedberg
“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”
Groucho Marx
“Dogs are great. Bad dogs, if you can really call them that, are perhaps the greatest of them all.”—John Grogan
“If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them.”
- Phil Pastoret.
“What do dogs do on their day off? Can’t lie around – that’s their job.”
- George Carlin.
“Always respect Mother Nature. Especially when she weighs 400 pounds and is guarding her baby.”
- James Rollins.
“I’m stuck between “I need to save money.” and “You only live once.”” – Anonymous
“No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation."
- Fran Lebowitz
“If you eliminate smoking and gambling, you will be amazed to find that almost all an Englishman’s pleasures can be, and mostly are, shared by his dog.”
George Bernard Shaw
“A cat is a puzzle for which there is no solution.”
- Hazel Nicholson.
“The best way to get a puppy is to beg for a baby brother—and they will settle for a puppy every time.”—Winston Pendelton
“If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of fun out of owning one.” —Andrew A. Rooney
“When an 85-pound mammal licks your tears away, then tries to sit on your lap, it’s hard to feel sad.”—Kristan Higgins
“God in his wisdom made the fly, And then forgot to tell us why.”
- Ogden Nash.
“Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them’s making a poop, the other one’s carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?”
- Jerry Seinfeld.
“All of the animals except for man know that the principle business of life is to enjoy it.”
- Samuel Butler..
“Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.”
- Mary Bly.
“Beaver do better work than the Corps of Engineers.”
- Mike Todd.
“Saw a chameleon today so I'm assuming it wasn't a very good one." - Unknown Author
“I’ve seen a look in dogs’ eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically, dogs think humans are nuts.”
- John Steinbeck.
“In order to maintain a well-balanced perspective, the person who has a dog to worship him should also have a cat to ignore him.” —Peterborough Examiner, Canada
"The cow is of the bovine ilk: One end is moo, the other, milk."
- Ogden Nash
“The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.”
- Charles De Gaulle.
“If I'm ever being chased by a giraffe I'm gonna run into a place with low ceiling fans. Sorry, giraffe, but I gotta do what's best for me."
- Amber Tozer
“A dog is one of the remaining reasons why some people can be persuaded to go for a walk.”—Orlando Aloysius Battista
“My fashion philosophy is if you’re not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.”
- Elayne Boosler.
“Watching a dog try to chew a large piece of toffee is a pastime fit for gods. Mr. Fusspot’s mixed ancestry had given him a dexterity of jaw that was truly awesome. He somersaulted happily around the floor, making faces like a rubber gargoyle in a washing machine.”—Terry Pratchett
“Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.” – Winston Churchill
“When gorillas are sleeping, you can hide a bunch of raisins in their fur, and then they’ll have an exciting treat the next day."
- Guy Endore Kaiser
“After scolding one’s cat one looks into its face and is seized by the ugly suspicion that it understood every word. And has filed it for reference.”
- Charlotte Gray.
“There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face."
Ben Williams
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
“Once when I was golfing in Georgia, I hooked the ball into the swamp. I went in after it and found an alligator wearing a shirt with a picture of a little golfer on it.”
- Buddy Hackett.
“Anytime you see a turtle up on top of a fence post, you know he had some help."
- Alex Haley
“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."
- Groucho Marx
“The best thing about animals is that they don’t talk much.”
- Thornton Wilder.
“Perhaps one reason we are fascinated by cats is because such a small animal can contain so much independence, dignity, and freedom of spirit. Unlike the dog, the cat’s personality is never bet on a human’s. He demands acceptance on his own terms.”
- Lloyd Alexander.
“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.”
- Mark Twain.
“The happiness of the bee and the dolphin is to exist. For man, it is to know that and to wonder at it.”
- Jacques Yves Cousteau.
“If owl parties aren't called hootenannies, this world will never make sense again."
- Reverend Badger
“The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree." - Steven Alexander Wright
“They say that love is more important, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?” – Anonymous
“Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives.”
- Sue Murphy.
“Our perfect companions never have fewer than four feet.”
- Colette.
“If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.”
- Mark Twain.
"Dogs never bite me. Just humans."
- Marilyn Monroe