“Never break a promise to an animal. They're like babies—they won't understand.”
― Tamora Pierc
“Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.”
- Ann Landers.
“If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of fun out of owning one.” —Andrew A. Rooney
“The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.”
- Ambrose Bierce.
“When an 85-pound mammal licks your tears away, then tries to sit on your lap, it’s hard to feel sad.”—Kristan Higgins
“Perhaps one reason we are fascinated by cats is because such a small animal can contain so much independence, dignity, and freedom of spirit. Unlike the dog, the cat’s personality is never bet on a human’s. He demands acceptance on his own terms.”
- Lloyd Alexander.
“A well-trained dog will make no attempt to share your lunch. He will just make you feel so guilty that you cannot enjoy it.”—Helen Thomson
“Animals may be our friends, but they won’t pick you up at the airport."
- Bobcat Goldthwait
“Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.”
- Mary Bly.
“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”
- Groucho Marx.
“Dogs are great. Bad dogs, if you can really call them that, are perhaps the greatest of them all.”—John Grogan
“I’m stuck between “I need to save money.” and “You only live once.”” – Anonymous
“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid."
- Mark Twain
“Dogs have boundless enthusiasm but no sense of shame. I should have a dog as a life coach.”
- Moby.
“A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.” —Robert Benchley
“People teach their dog to sit; it’s a trick. I’ve been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky.”—Mitch Hedberg
“To my mind, the only possible pet is a cow. Cows love you… They will listen to your problems and never ask a thing in return. They will be your friends forever. And when you get tired of them, you can kill and eat them. Perfect.”
Bill Bryson
“Dogs teach us a very important lesson in life: the mailman is not to be trusted.”—Sian Ford
“Scratch a dog and you’ll find a permanent job.”
- Franklin P. Jones.
“In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.”
- Terry Pratchett.
“As wonderful as dogs can be, they are famous for missing the point.”—Jean Ferris
“Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.”
- Franklin P. Jones.
“I take my pet lion to church every Sunday. He has to eat.”
- Marty Pollio.
“The best thing about animals is that they don’t talk much.”
- Thornton Wilder.
“My friend was attacked by a duck. I yelled “duck!” to warn him, but it just made it worse.”
- Kelkulus.
“Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.” —Jeff Valdez
“I’ve never met an animal I didn’t like, and I can’t say the same thing about people.”
- Doris Day.
“All of the animals except for man know that the principle business of life is to enjoy it.”
- Samuel Butler..
“What do dogs do on their day off? Can’t lie around – that’s their job.”
- George Carlin.
“Never stand between a dog and the fire hydrant.”—John Peer
“Man is an animal that makes bargains: no other animal does this - no dog exchanges bones with another.”
- Adam Smith.
“Three rebels against the light: the thief, the adulterer, and the bat.”
- Hebrew Proverb.
“God in his wisdom made the fly, And then forgot to tell us why.”
- Ogden Nash.
“I admit opening an alligator petting zoo was not the best idea, but I told the kids to be careful so there’s plenty of blame to go around.”
- John Lyon.
“Size isn’t everything. The whale is endangered, while the ant continues to do just fine.”
- Bill Vaughan.
“There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face."
Ben Williams
“You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, ‘Wow, you’re right! I never would’ve thought of that!’”—Dave Barry
“I’ve seen a look in dogs’ eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically, dogs think humans are nuts.”
- John Steinbeck.
“The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.”
- Charles De Gaulle.
“Properly trained, a man can be dog’s best friend.”
- Corey Ford.
“The happiness of the bee and the dolphin is to exist. For man, it is to know that and to wonder at it.”
- Jacques Yves Cousteau.
“Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives.”
- Sue Murphy.
“Watching a dog try to chew a large piece of toffee is a pastime fit for gods. Mr. Fusspot’s mixed ancestry had given him a dexterity of jaw that was truly awesome. He somersaulted happily around the floor, making faces like a rubber gargoyle in a washing machine.”—Terry Pratchett
“They say that love is more important, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?” – Anonymous
“It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.”—Rodney Dangerfield
"Dogs never bite me. Just humans."
- Marilyn Monroe
“A dog is one of the remaining reasons why some people can be persuaded to go for a walk.”—Orlando Aloysius Battista
“My fashion philosophy is if you’re not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.”
- Elayne Boosler.
“Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.” – Winston Churchill
“Saw a chameleon today so I'm assuming it wasn't a very good one." - Unknown Author