“Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.”
- Ann Landers.
“The best way to get a puppy is to beg for a baby brother—and they will settle for a puppy every time.”—Winston Pendelton
“A dog desires affection more than its dinner. Well—almost.”—Charlotte Gray
“Time spent with cats is never wasted.”
- Sigmund Freud
“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."
- Groucho Marx
“A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.” —Robert Benchley
“What does a snail say when he rides on the back of a turtle?
“Whee!”
- Will Durst
“I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.”
Winston Churchill
“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid."
- Mark Twain
“I take my pet lion to church every Sunday. He has to eat.”
- Marty Pollio.
"The cow is of the bovine ilk: One end is moo, the other, milk."
- Ogden Nash
“The happiness of the bee and the dolphin is to exist. For man, it is to know that and to wonder at it.”
- Jacques Yves Cousteau.
“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”
Groucho Marx
“My relationships with my cats have saved me from a deadly, pervasive ignorance.”
- William S. Burroughs.
“They say that love is more important, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?” – Anonymous
“My friend was attacked by a duck. I yelled “duck!” to warn him, but it just made it worse.”
- Kelkulus.
“All of the animals except for man know that the principle business of life is to enjoy it.”
- Samuel Butler..
“Dogs are great. Bad dogs, if you can really call them that, are perhaps the greatest of them all.”—John Grogan
“Anytime you see a turtle up on top of a fence post, you know he had some help."
- Alex Haley
“Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.”
- Franklin P. Jones.
“The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.”
- Charles De Gaulle.
“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.”
- Mark Twain.
“Always respect Mother Nature. Especially when she weighs 400 pounds and is guarding her baby.”
- James Rollins.
“No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.”
- Kin Hubbard.
“Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.” —Jeff Valdez
“A well-trained dog will make no attempt to share your lunch. He will just make you feel so guilty that you cannot enjoy it.”—Helen Thomson
“Our perfect companions never have fewer than four feet.”
- Colette.
“There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face."
Ben Williams
“There’s no need for a piece of sculpture in a home that has a cat.”
- Wesley Bates.
“My favorite animal is steak."
- Fran Lebowitz
“I find that ducks’ opinion of me is greatly influenced by whether I have bread."
- Mitch Hedberg
“Never break a promise to an animal. They're like babies—they won't understand.”
― Tamora Pierc
“Always remember, a cat looks down on man, a dog looks up to man, but a pig will look man right in the eye and see his equal.”
- Sir Winston Churchill.
“The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.”
- Ambrose Bierce.
“My fashion philosophy is if you’re not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.”
- Elayne Boosler.
“Perhaps one reason we are fascinated by cats is because such a small animal can contain so much independence, dignity, and freedom of spirit. Unlike the dog, the cat’s personality is never bet on a human’s. He demands acceptance on his own terms.”
- Lloyd Alexander.
“I don’t understand people who don’t touch their pets. Their cat or dog is called a pet for a reason.”
- Jarod Kintz.
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
“The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree." - Steven Alexander Wright
“A hen is just an egg’s way of making another egg.”
- Weird Science.
“God in his wisdom made the fly, And then forgot to tell us why.”
- Ogden Nash.
“No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens." - Abraham Lincoln
“Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.”
- Mary Bly.
“I’ve never met an animal I didn’t like, and I can’t say the same thing about people.”
- Doris Day.
“In LA we get coyotes in our garbage cans. Coyotes are just like my relatives. They go out in pairs, they whine at night, and they go anywhere there’s food."
- Billy Crystal
“The best thing about animals is that they don’t talk much.”
- Thornton Wilder.
“No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation."
- Fran Lebowitz
“Once when I was golfing in Georgia, I hooked the ball into the swamp. I went in after it and found an alligator wearing a shirt with a picture of a little golfer on it.”
- Buddy Hackett.
“If I'm ever being chased by a giraffe I'm gonna run into a place with low ceiling fans. Sorry, giraffe, but I gotta do what's best for me."
- Amber Tozer
“Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them’s making a poop, the other one’s carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?”
- Jerry Seinfeld.