"I’m 59 and people call me middle-aged. How many 118-year-old men do you know?"- Barry Cryer
"A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.’" - Claude Pepper
"There’s one advantage to being 102, there’s no peer pressure." - Dennis Wolfberg
"There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus, he does not believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus." - Bob Phillips
"There is still no cure for the common birthday." - John Glenn
"Thirty-five is a very attractive age. London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained thirty-five for years." - Oscar Wilde
"There is absolutely nothing to be said in favor of growing old. There ought to be legislation against it." - Patrick Moore
"I’m like old wine. They don’t bring me out very often… but I’m well preserved." - Rose Kennedy
"Getting older. I used to be able to run a 4-minute mile, bench press 380 pounds, and tell the truth." - Conan O’Brien
“Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” - Larry Lorenzon
“You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.” —Billy Arthur
"You know you are getting old when everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work." - Hy Gardner
"Nice to be here? At my age it’s nice to be anywhere." – George Burns
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all things that make you want to live to be a hundred." - Woody Allen
"Old age comes at a bad time." – San Banducci
"You know you’re getting old when you can pinch an inch on your forehead." - John Mendoza
"Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your retirement home."- Phyllis Diller
"Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese." – Billie Burke
"At my age, flowers scare me." - George Burns
“Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.” – Maurice Chevalier
"I can honestly say I love getting older. Then again, I never put my glasses on before looking in the mirror." - Cherie Lunghi
"I have reached an age when, if someone tells me to wear socks, I don’t have to." - Albert Einstein
"We don’t grow older, we grow riper." - Pablo Picasso
"The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for." - Will Rogers
"I don't do alcohol anymore—I get the same effect just standing up fast." - Anonymous
"When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old." - Mark Twain
“You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” - George Burns
"Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional" - Chili Davis
"Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen." - Mark Twain
"Old age is always fifteen years older than I am." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
"First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down." - Leo Rosenberg
"I have successfully completed the thirty-year transition from wanting to stay up late to just wanting to go to bed." - Unknown
“The first 40 years of life give us the text; the next 30 supply the commentary on it.” – Arthur Schopenhauer
"One of the many things nobody ever tells you about middle age is that it’s such a nice change from being young." – Dorothy Canfield Fisher
"When you’re older, Friday means less parking spots." - Larry David
"I’m so old that my blood type is discontinued." - Bill Dane
"If you want to know how old a woman is then ask her sister-in-law." - Edgar Howe
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
"If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself." - Anonymous
“Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.” – Will Rogers