"Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read." – George Burns
"Old age comes at a bad time." – San Banducci
"You know you’re getting old when you can pinch an inch on your forehead." - John Mendoza
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
"Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it." - Golda Meir
"All men are the same age." - Dorothy Parker
"Today, you’re 50. Now we can round your age up to 100! Happy 50th birthday!" - Dave Barry"
"Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up." - John Wagner
"If you want to know how old a woman is then ask her sister-in-law." - Edgar Howe
"The idea is to die young as late as possible." - Ashley Montagu
"Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act." - Truman Capote
"Everything slows down with age, except the time it takes cake and ice cream to reach your hips." - John Wagner
"There’s one advantage to being 102, there’s no peer pressure." - Dennis Wolfberg
"When you’re older, Friday means less parking spots." - Larry David
“Old age is an excellent time for outrage. My goal is to say or do at least one outrageous thing every week.” - Maggie Kuhn
"The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for." - Will Rogers
"Getting older. I used to be able to run a 4-minute mile, bench press 380 pounds, and tell the truth." - Conan O’Brien
"A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.’" - Claude Pepper
"I don't do alcohol anymore—I get the same effect just standing up fast." - Anonymous
"There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus, he does not believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus." - Bob Phillips
"The years between 50 and 70 are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down." - T.S. Elliot
“When it comes to staying young, a mind-lift beats a face-lift any day.” – Marty Buccella
"As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two." - Sir Norman Wisdom
"I’m like old wine. They don’t bring me out very often… but I’m well preserved." - Rose Kennedy
"Gray hair is God’s graffiti." – Bill Cosby
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all things that make you want to live to be a hundred." - Woody Allen
"There is absolutely nothing to be said in favor of growing old. There ought to be legislation against it." - Patrick Moore
"Looking fifty is great—if you’re sixty." - Joan Rivers
"Old age is always fifteen years older than I am." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
“Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” - Larry Lorenzon
"There’s a reason why forty, fifty, and sixty don’t look the way they used to and it’s not because of feminism, or better living through exercise. It’s because of hair dye." Nora Ephron
"I’m so old that my blood type is discontinued." - Bill Dane
"There is still no cure for the common birthday." - John Glenn
"It’s important to have a twinkle in your wrinkle." - Unknown
"Nice to be here? At my age it’s nice to be anywhere." – George Burns
"Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes, age just shows up all by itself." - Tom Wilson
"To get back to my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable." - Oscar Wilde
“Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.” - Kitty O’Neill Collins
“You spend 90 percent of your adult life hoping for a long rest and the last 10 percent trying to convince the Lord that you’re actually not that tired.” – Robert Brault
"Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese." – Billie Burke