"If you want to know how old a woman is then ask her sister-in-law." - Edgar Howe
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all things that make you want to live to be a hundred." - Woody Allen
“Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.” - Kitty O’Neill Collins
"Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act." - Truman Capote
"Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up." - John Wagner
"Today, you’re 50. Now we can round your age up to 100! Happy 50th birthday!" - Dave Barry"
"As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two." - Sir Norman Wisdom
"At my age, flowers scare me." - George Burns
"Men do not quit playing because they grow old—they grow old because they quit playing." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
“When it comes to staying young, a mind-lift beats a face-lift any day.” – Marty Buccella
"Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes, age just shows up all by itself." - Tom Wilson
"I didn’t get old on purpose, it just happened. If you’re lucky, it could happen to you." – Andy Ronney
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
""Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest." - Larry Lorenzoni
"It’s important to have a twinkle in your wrinkle." - Unknown
“You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.” —Billy Arthur
"Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out." - Phyllis Diller
"Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read." – George Burns
"There’s a reason why forty, fifty, and sixty don’t look the way they used to and it’s not because of feminism, or better living through exercise. It’s because of hair dye." Nora Ephron
"I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap." - Bob Hope
“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” - Andy Rooney
"The years between 50 and 70 are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down." - T.S. Elliot
"Regrets are the natural property of grey hairs." - Charles Dickens
“You spend 90 percent of your adult life hoping for a long rest and the last 10 percent trying to convince the Lord that you’re actually not that tired.” – Robert Brault
"I have reached an age when, if someone tells me to wear socks, I don’t have to." - Albert Einstein
"People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit." - George Burns
"We don’t grow older, we grow riper." - Pablo Picasso
"In childhood, we yearn to be grown-ups. In old age, we yearn to be kids. It just seems that all would be wonderful if we didn’t have to celebrate our birthdays in chronological order." - Robert Brault
"Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen." - Mark Twain
"At age 20, we worry about what others think of us… at age 40, we don’t care what they think of us… at age 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all." - Ann Landers
"One of the many things nobody ever tells you about middle age is that it’s such a nice change from being young." – Dorothy Canfield Fisher
"Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once." - Dave Barry
"As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer." - Robert Quillen"
“The first 40 years of life give us the text; the next 30 supply the commentary on it.” – Arthur Schopenhauer
“You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” - George Burns
"I've never known a person who lives to be 110 who is remarkable for anything else." —Josh Billings
"Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your retirement home."- Phyllis Diller
"If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself." - Anonymous
"You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks." - Joel Plaskett
"Middle age is when you’re sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn’t for you." - Ogden Nash