"I don't do alcohol anymore—I get the same effect just standing up fast." - Anonymous
"One of the many things nobody ever tells you about middle age is that it’s such a nice change from being young." – Dorothy Canfield Fisher
"Everything slows down with age, except the time it takes cake and ice cream to reach your hips." - John Wagner
"The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for." - Will Rogers
"Getting older. I used to be able to run a 4-minute mile, bench press 380 pounds, and tell the truth." - Conan O’Brien
"Gray hair is God’s graffiti." – Bill Cosby
"You know you’re getting old when you can pinch an inch on your forehead." - John Mendoza
"I’m so old that my blood type is discontinued." - Bill Dane
"I've never known a person who lives to be 110 who is remarkable for anything else." —Josh Billings
"When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old." - Mark Twain
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
"The important thing to remember is that I’m probably going to forget." - Unknown
"To get back to my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable." - Oscar Wilde
"When I was young, I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties, I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then, and I’m labeled senile." - George Burns
"When you’re older, Friday means less parking spots." - Larry David
“Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.” - Kitty O’Neill Collins
“Old age is an excellent time for outrage. My goal is to say or do at least one outrageous thing every week.” - Maggie Kuhn
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
"I’m like old wine. They don’t bring me out very often… but I’m well preserved." - Rose Kennedy
"Old age comes at a bad time." – San Banducci
"Thirty-five is a very attractive age. London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained thirty-five for years." - Oscar Wilde
"We must both, I’m afraid, recognise that, as we grow older, we become like old cars – more and more repairs and replacements are necessary." - C.S. Lewis
"I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet." - Rita Rudner
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell
“It’s like you trade the virility of the body for the agility of the spirit.” – Elizabeth Lesser
"Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it." - Golda Meir
"Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese." – Billie Burke
"If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself." - Anonymous
"A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.’" - Claude Pepper
"Middle age is when you’re sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn’t for you." - Ogden Nash
"There is absolutely nothing to be said in favor of growing old. There ought to be legislation against it." - Patrick Moore
“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”—Lucille Ball
"There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus, he does not believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus." - Bob Phillips
"Looking fifty is great—if you’re sixty." - Joan Rivers
"Nobody expects to trust his body much after the age of fifty." - Alexander Hamilton
"There’s one advantage to being 102, there’s no peer pressure." - Dennis Wolfberg
"It’s important to have a twinkle in your wrinkle." - Unknown
“The older I get, the better I used to be.” – Lee Trevino
"Nice to be here? At my age it’s nice to be anywhere." – George Burns
“You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” - George Burns