"I don't do alcohol anymore—I get the same effect just standing up fast." - Anonymous
“Old age is an excellent time for outrage. My goal is to say or do at least one outrageous thing every week.” - Maggie Kuhn
"I refuse to admit I’m more than fifty-two, even if that does make my sons illegitimate." - Nancy Astor
"When I was young, I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties, I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then, and I’m labeled senile." - George Burns
"Nobody expects to trust his body much after the age of fifty." - Alexander Hamilton
"I’m so old that my blood type is discontinued." - Bill Dane
"In childhood, we yearn to be grown-ups. In old age, we yearn to be kids. It just seems that all would be wonderful if we didn’t have to celebrate our birthdays in chronological order." - Robert Brault
"I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet." - Rita Rudner
"There is absolutely nothing to be said in favor of growing old. There ought to be legislation against it." - Patrick Moore
"Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once." - Dave Barry