"I refuse to admit I’m more than fifty-two, even if that does make my sons illegitimate." - Nancy Astor
“When it comes to staying young, a mind-lift beats a face-lift any day.” – Marty Buccella
"At my age, flowers scare me." - George Burns
“It’s like you trade the virility of the body for the agility of the spirit.” – Elizabeth Lesser
"Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional" - Chili Davis
"I can honestly say I love getting older. Then again, I never put my glasses on before looking in the mirror." - Cherie Lunghi
"Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician." - Anonymous
“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” - Andy Rooney
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all things that make you want to live to be a hundred." - Woody Allen
"As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer." - Robert Quillen"
"Children are a great comfort in your old age, and they help you reach it faster, too." – Lionel Kauffman
“You spend 90 percent of your adult life hoping for a long rest and the last 10 percent trying to convince the Lord that you’re actually not that tired.” – Robert Brault
"I have reached an age when, if someone tells me to wear socks, I don’t have to." - Albert Einstein
"Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your retirement home."- Phyllis Diller
"Regrets are the natural property of grey hairs." - Charles Dickens
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
"Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out." - Phyllis Diller
"Middle age is when you’re sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn’t for you." - Ogden Nash
"All men are the same age." - Dorothy Parker
"The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened. - Mark Twain
"I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap." - Bob Hope
"Old age comes at a bad time." – San Banducci
"I didn’t get old on purpose, it just happened. If you’re lucky, it could happen to you." – Andy Ronney
"You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake." – Bob Hope
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” - George Burns
"Today, you’re 50. Now we can round your age up to 100! Happy 50th birthday!" - Dave Barry"
“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”—Lucille Ball
"I’m like old wine. They don’t bring me out very often… but I’m well preserved." - Rose Kennedy
"Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese." – Billie Burke
"People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit." - George Burns
"There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus, he does not believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus." - Bob Phillips
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
"Nobody expects to trust his body much after the age of fifty." - Alexander Hamilton
"Life seems to fade our memory, so on this birthday I will forget yours if you forget mine!" - Kate Summers
“Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.” – Will Rogers
"First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down." - Leo Rosenberg
"Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen." - Mark Twain
"At my age ‘getting lucky’ means walking into a room and remembering what I came in for." - Unknown
"When you’re older, Friday means less parking spots." - Larry David
"When I was young, I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties, I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then, and I’m labeled senile." - George Burns
""Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest." - Larry Lorenzoni
"You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks." - Joel Plaskett
"I’m so old that my blood type is discontinued." - Bill Dane
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” —George Burns
“The older I get, the better I used to be.” – Lee Trevino
"Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act." - Truman Capote
"I have successfully completed the thirty-year transition from wanting to stay up late to just wanting to go to bed." - Unknown
"As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two." - Sir Norman Wisdom
“You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.” —Billy Arthur
"Looking fifty is great—if you’re sixty." - Joan Rivers