"I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap." - Bob Hope
"The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened. - Mark Twain
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell
“The older I get, the better I used to be.” – Lee Trevino
"There is absolutely nothing to be said in favor of growing old. There ought to be legislation against it." - Patrick Moore
"Today, you’re 50. Now we can round your age up to 100! Happy 50th birthday!" - Dave Barry"
"You know you’re getting old when you can pinch an inch on your forehead." - John Mendoza
"Regrets are the natural property of grey hairs." - Charles Dickens
"The idea is to die young as late as possible." - Ashley Montagu
“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”—Lucille Ball
“You spend 90 percent of your adult life hoping for a long rest and the last 10 percent trying to convince the Lord that you’re actually not that tired.” – Robert Brault
"I’m so old that my blood type is discontinued." - Bill Dane
“You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.” —Billy Arthur
"Nice to be here? At my age it’s nice to be anywhere." – George Burns
"I’m 59 and people call me middle-aged. How many 118-year-old men do you know?"- Barry Cryer
"I’m like old wine. They don’t bring me out very often… but I’m well preserved." - Rose Kennedy
"I complain that the years fly past, but then I look in a mirror and see that very few of them actually got past." - Robert Brault
"When you’re older, Friday means less parking spots." - Larry David
"When I was young, I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties, I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then, and I’m labeled senile." - George Burns
“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” - Andy Rooney
"There’s one advantage to being 102, there’s no peer pressure." - Dennis Wolfberg
"I can honestly say I love getting older. Then again, I never put my glasses on before looking in the mirror." - Cherie Lunghi
"I didn’t get old on purpose, it just happened. If you’re lucky, it could happen to you." – Andy Ronney
"At my age, flowers scare me." - George Burns
"A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.’" - Claude Pepper
"Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen." - Mark Twain
"Life seems to fade our memory, so on this birthday I will forget yours if you forget mine!" - Kate Summers
"When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old." - Mark Twain
“Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.” - Kitty O’Neill Collins
"The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for." - Will Rogers
"I've never known a person who lives to be 110 who is remarkable for anything else." —Josh Billings
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” —George Burns
“Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.” – Robert Orben
"In childhood, we yearn to be grown-ups. In old age, we yearn to be kids. It just seems that all would be wonderful if we didn’t have to celebrate our birthdays in chronological order." - Robert Brault
"Looking fifty is great—if you’re sixty." - Joan Rivers
"At my age ‘getting lucky’ means walking into a room and remembering what I came in for." - Unknown
"Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes, age just shows up all by itself." - Tom Wilson
"At age 20, we worry about what others think of us… at age 40, we don’t care what they think of us… at age 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all." - Ann Landers
"Old age comes at a bad time." – San Banducci
“Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.” – Maurice Chevalier
"As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer." - Robert Quillen"
“The first 40 years of life give us the text; the next 30 supply the commentary on it.” – Arthur Schopenhauer
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
"Children are a great comfort in your old age, and they help you reach it faster, too." – Lionel Kauffman
"Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened." - Jennifer Yane
"There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus, he does not believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus." - Bob Phillips
“Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” - Larry Lorenzon
"People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit." - George Burns
"Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional" - Chili Davis
"You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake." – Bob Hope