"It’s important to have a twinkle in your wrinkle." - Unknown
"At my age, flowers scare me." - George Burns
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” —George Burns
"As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two." - Sir Norman Wisdom
"Today, you’re 50. Now we can round your age up to 100! Happy 50th birthday!" - Dave Barry"
"Regrets are the natural property of grey hairs." - Charles Dickens
"Nice to be here? At my age it’s nice to be anywhere." – George Burns
"There’s one advantage to being 102, there’s no peer pressure." - Dennis Wolfberg
"Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese." – Billie Burke
"There is absolutely nothing to be said in favor of growing old. There ought to be legislation against it." - Patrick Moore
"People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit." - George Burns
"Gray hair is God’s graffiti." – Bill Cosby
"I’m 59 and people call me middle-aged. How many 118-year-old men do you know?"- Barry Cryer
"A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.’" - Claude Pepper
"Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it." - Golda Meir
"Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician." - Anonymous
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
"Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once." - Dave Barry
"At my age ‘getting lucky’ means walking into a room and remembering what I came in for." - Unknown
"Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen." - Mark Twain
"I’m at that age where my back goes out more than I do." - Phyllis Diller
"I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me—they’re cramming for their final exam."- George Carlin
"You know you’re getting old when you can pinch an inch on your forehead." - John Mendoza
"Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out." - Phyllis Diller
"I have reached an age when, if someone tells me to wear socks, I don’t have to." - Albert Einstein
"I have successfully completed the thirty-year transition from wanting to stay up late to just wanting to go to bed." - Unknown
“Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” - Larry Lorenzon
"Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act." - Truman Capote
"I don't do alcohol anymore—I get the same effect just standing up fast." - Anonymous
"First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down." - Leo Rosenberg
“You spend 90 percent of your adult life hoping for a long rest and the last 10 percent trying to convince the Lord that you’re actually not that tired.” – Robert Brault
"When I was young, I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties, I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then, and I’m labeled senile." - George Burns
"Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes, age just shows up all by itself." - Tom Wilson
"The years between 50 and 70 are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down." - T.S. Elliot
"The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened. - Mark Twain
"You know you are getting old when everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work." - Hy Gardner
"I’m like old wine. They don’t bring me out very often… but I’m well preserved." - Rose Kennedy
"When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old." - Mark Twain
“You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” - George Burns
"The idea is to die young as late as possible." - Ashley Montagu
“Old age is an excellent time for outrage. My goal is to say or do at least one outrageous thing every week.” - Maggie Kuhn
"You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake." – Bob Hope
“Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.” – Maurice Chevalier
"It is better to wear out than to rust out." - Bishop Richard Cumberland
“The first 40 years of life give us the text; the next 30 supply the commentary on it.” – Arthur Schopenhauer
"If you want to know how old a woman is then ask her sister-in-law." - Edgar Howe
“The older I get, the better I used to be.” – Lee Trevino
“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” - Andy Rooney
"Life seems to fade our memory, so on this birthday I will forget yours if you forget mine!" - Kate Summers
"To get back to my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable." - Oscar Wilde