"Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician." - Anonymous
""Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest." - Larry Lorenzoni
"It’s important to have a twinkle in your wrinkle." - Unknown
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” - George Burns
"Old age is always fifteen years older than I am." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
"The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened. - Mark Twain
"Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened." - Jennifer Yane
"Children are a great comfort in your old age, and they help you reach it faster, too." – Lionel Kauffman
"The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for." - Will Rogers
"I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet." - Rita Rudner
“Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.” – Will Rogers
"You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake." – Bob Hope
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
“You spend 90 percent of your adult life hoping for a long rest and the last 10 percent trying to convince the Lord that you’re actually not that tired.” – Robert Brault
"You know you are getting old when everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work." - Hy Gardner
"I’m like old wine. They don’t bring me out very often… but I’m well preserved." - Rose Kennedy
“The older I get, the better I used to be.” – Lee Trevino
"Nice to be here? At my age it’s nice to be anywhere." – George Burns
"There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus, he does not believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus." - Bob Phillips
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”—Lucille Ball
"I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me—they’re cramming for their final exam."- George Carlin
“The first 40 years of life give us the text; the next 30 supply the commentary on it.” – Arthur Schopenhauer
"There is still no cure for the common birthday." - John Glenn
“When it comes to staying young, a mind-lift beats a face-lift any day.” – Marty Buccella
"If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself." - Anonymous
"Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up." - John Wagner
"The years between 50 and 70 are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down." - T.S. Elliot
"One of the many things nobody ever tells you about middle age is that it’s such a nice change from being young." – Dorothy Canfield Fisher
"I’m so old that my blood type is discontinued." - Bill Dane
"I have successfully completed the thirty-year transition from wanting to stay up late to just wanting to go to bed." - Unknown
"I complain that the years fly past, but then I look in a mirror and see that very few of them actually got past." - Robert Brault
"Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional" - Chili Davis
"Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese." – Billie Burke
“Old age is an excellent time for outrage. My goal is to say or do at least one outrageous thing every week.” - Maggie Kuhn
"The important thing to remember is that I’m probably going to forget." - Unknown
"Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen." - Mark Twain
"Nobody expects to trust his body much after the age of fifty." - Alexander Hamilton
"Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out." - Phyllis Diller
“Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.” – Robert Orben
"I don't do alcohol anymore—I get the same effect just standing up fast." - Anonymous
"Old age comes at a bad time." – San Banducci
"I have reached an age when, if someone tells me to wear socks, I don’t have to." - Albert Einstein
"Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read." – George Burns
"As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer." - Robert Quillen"
“Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.” – Maurice Chevalier
"All men are the same age." - Dorothy Parker
"I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap." - Bob Hope
"Men do not quit playing because they grow old—they grow old because they quit playing." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
"There’s a reason why forty, fifty, and sixty don’t look the way they used to and it’s not because of feminism, or better living through exercise. It’s because of hair dye." Nora Ephron