"In childhood, we yearn to be grown-ups. In old age, we yearn to be kids. It just seems that all would be wonderful if we didn’t have to celebrate our birthdays in chronological order." - Robert Brault
"At age 20, we worry about what others think of us… at age 40, we don’t care what they think of us… at age 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all." - Ann Landers
"Getting older. I used to be able to run a 4-minute mile, bench press 380 pounds, and tell the truth." - Conan O’Brien
"Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once." - Dave Barry
“The first 40 years of life give us the text; the next 30 supply the commentary on it.” – Arthur Schopenhauer
"All men are the same age." - Dorothy Parker
"I’m like old wine. They don’t bring me out very often… but I’m well preserved." - Rose Kennedy
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” - George Burns
""Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest." - Larry Lorenzoni
"As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two." - Sir Norman Wisdom
"We don’t grow older, we grow riper." - Pablo Picasso
"Men do not quit playing because they grow old—they grow old because they quit playing." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
"Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read." – George Burns
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” —George Burns
“Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.” – Maurice Chevalier
"I’m so old that my blood type is discontinued." - Bill Dane
"You know you’re getting old when you can pinch an inch on your forehead." - John Mendoza
"I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet." - Rita Rudner
"Regrets are the natural property of grey hairs." - Charles Dickens
“When it comes to staying young, a mind-lift beats a face-lift any day.” – Marty Buccella
"Everything slows down with age, except the time it takes cake and ice cream to reach your hips." - John Wagner
"A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.’" - Claude Pepper
"There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus, he does not believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus." - Bob Phillips
"We must both, I’m afraid, recognise that, as we grow older, we become like old cars – more and more repairs and replacements are necessary." - C.S. Lewis
"Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out." - Phyllis Diller
"I don't do alcohol anymore—I get the same effect just standing up fast." - Anonymous
"I have reached an age when, if someone tells me to wear socks, I don’t have to." - Albert Einstein
“Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” - Larry Lorenzon
"The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened. - Mark Twain
"Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen." - Mark Twain
"When I was young, I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties, I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then, and I’m labeled senile." - George Burns
“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”—Lucille Ball
"I didn’t get old on purpose, it just happened. If you’re lucky, it could happen to you." – Andy Ronney
"I’m 59 and people call me middle-aged. How many 118-year-old men do you know?"- Barry Cryer
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
"Looking fifty is great—if you’re sixty." - Joan Rivers
“Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.” - Kitty O’Neill Collins
"You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake." – Bob Hope
“It’s like you trade the virility of the body for the agility of the spirit.” – Elizabeth Lesser
"Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese." – Billie Burke
"At my age ‘getting lucky’ means walking into a room and remembering what I came in for." - Unknown
"I've never known a person who lives to be 110 who is remarkable for anything else." —Josh Billings
"Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional" - Chili Davis
"There is still no cure for the common birthday." - John Glenn
"You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks." - Joel Plaskett
"The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for." - Will Rogers
"One of the many things nobody ever tells you about middle age is that it’s such a nice change from being young." – Dorothy Canfield Fisher
"People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit." - George Burns
"Old age comes at a bad time." – San Banducci
"It is better to wear out than to rust out." - Bishop Richard Cumberland