"All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt."
— Charles M. Shulz
"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook."
— Julia Child
“Your body is not a temple, it’s an amusement park. Enjoy the ride.”
― Anthony Bourdain
"The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later, you're hungry again."
— George Miller
"Never order barbecue in a place that also serves quiche."
— Lewis Grizzard
“Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.”
― Unknown
“Every pizza is a personal pizza if you try hard and believe in yourself.”
― Bill Murray
"You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jelly beans."
— Ronald Reagan
"Humor keeps us alive. Humor and food. Don't forget food. You can go a week without laughing."
— Joss Whedon
"I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight."
– Rita Rudner
"Life is too short for self-hatred and celery sticks."
– Marilyn Wann
"Without ice cream, there would be darkness and chaos."
– Don Kardong
"Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults."
– Mitch Hedberg
“You know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself.”
― Unknown
"Never trust a skinny cook."
– Iain Hewitson
“Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.”
― Unknown
"An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh."
— Will Rogers
“Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale’s mating call.”
― Unknown
"There's no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap."
— Kevin James
"I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food."
— W.C. Fields
“You only live once… Lick the bowl!”
― Unknown
“Little known fact, gentlemen. Tacos are the food of genius.”
― Heather Brewer
"I just want someone to look at me the way I look at food."
— Unknown
“My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.”
― Henny Youngman
“Where there is cake, there is hope. And there is always cake.”
― Dean Koontz
"When you see a couple walking down the street holding hands and laughing, you look over to your side and the only thing you're holding is a half-eaten sandwich."
— Violet Matters
“An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.”
― Unknown
“I’m glad I don’t have to hunt my own food, I don’t even know where sandwiches live.”
― Unknown
“I bought a calming tea but the smell and taste is making me nervous.”
― Unknown
"I don't eat lobsters, shrimp, or crawfish because I don't eat anything that looks like I should step on it."
— George Carlin
“All my life I thought air was free until I bought a bag of chips.”
― Unknown
"Popcorn for breakfast! Why not? It’s a grain. It’s like, like, grits, but with high self-esteem."
– James Patterson
“Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.”
― Unknown
"I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o'clock in the morning."
– John Barrymore
“Love and sausage are alike. Can never have enough of either.”
— Trixie Koontz
“I have a passion for not cooking.”
― Unknown
"Wait. Why am I thinking about Krispy Kremes? We're supposed to be exercising."
— Meg Cabot
"Anything is good if it's made of chocolate."
— Jo Brand
“Being a couch potato is dangerous, someone may get hungry and eat you!”
― Unknown
“The only thing I like better than talking about food is eating.”
— John Walters
“I won’t be impressed with technology until I can download food.”
― Unknown
“Red meat is not bad for you. Now, blue-green meat—that’s bad for you!”
— Tom Smothers
“If you know how many cupcakes I’m holding behind my back I’ll give you both of them.”
― Unknown
“I thought I’d become an actress, but then I realized I eat too much.”
― Chelsea Handler
"Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education."
— Mark Twain
“My mind says ‘abs’ but my heart says ‘cheese fries’.”
― Unknown
"Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is."
— P. J. O'Rourke
"The trouble with eating Italian food is that, five or six days later, you're hungry again."
– George Miller
“I believe it’s a cook’s moral obligation to add more butter given the chance.”
― Michael Ruhlman
“Anyone who says that money cannot buy happiness has clearly never spent their money on pizza.”
― Andrew W.K.