"Never eat more than you can lift."
— Miss Piggy
"Promises and pie-crust are made to be broken."
— Jonathan Swift
"I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge."
— Unknown
"Popcorn for breakfast! Why not? It’s a grain. It’s like, like, grits, but with high self-esteem."
– James Patterson
“I want to tell you about the "sausage principle." The theory says, "If you love something, never try to find out how it is done."”
― Unknown
"I'll have a double cappuccino, half-caf, non-fat milk, with enough foam to be aesthetically pleasing, but not so much that it would leave a mustache."
— Niles Crane
"When you see a couple walking down the street holding hands and laughing, you look over to your side and the only thing you're holding is a half-eaten sandwich."
— Violet Matters
“Swiss cheese differs from Camembert by better ventilation.”
― Unknown
“Red meat is not bad for you. Now, blue-green meat—that’s bad for you!”
— Tom Smothers
“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.”
― Charles M. Schulz
“I won’t be impressed with technology until I can download food.”
― Unknown
“You only live once… Lick the bowl!”
― Unknown
“Pizza is like the entire food pyramid!”
― Madeline Oles
"Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie."
— Jim Davis
"Snack time heals all wounds."
— Bridger Winegar
“Everything goes better with tacos.”
― Rachel Caine
“Don’t believe everything fortune cookies tell you. Just because they’re sweet doesn’t mean they’re right.”
― Unknown
"Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one of the pieces."
— Judith Viorst
“My mind says ‘abs’ but my heart says ‘cheese fries’.”
― Unknown
“Your body is not a temple, it’s an amusement park. Enjoy the ride.”
― Anthony Bourdain
"All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt."
— Charles M. Shulz
"Watermelon - it's a good fruit. You eat, you drink, you wash your face."
— Enrico Caruso
“The only clubs I’m interested in are sandwiches.”
― Unknown
“I’m glad I don’t have to hunt my own food, I don’t even know where sandwiches live.”
― Unknown
“Nutrition labels should include a “What if I ate the whole thing” section.”
― Unknown
“Being a beaver is nice, if you’re hungry you just eat a piece of your home.”
― Unknown
“Love means never having to say “Should we get dessert?”
― Unknown
"You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jelly beans."
— Ronald Reagan
“You can’t make everyone happy. You’re not pizza.”
― Unknown
“Every pizza is a personal pizza if you try hard and believe in yourself.”
― Bill Murray
“I bought a calming tea but the smell and taste is making me nervous.”
― Unknown
"Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is."
— P. J. O'Rourke
“Every day is National Donut Day if you put your mind to it.”
― Unknown
"I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food."
— W.C. Fields
"An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh."
— Will Rogers
"Life is too short for self-hatred and celery sticks."
– Marilyn Wann
"Never order barbecue in a place that also serves quiche."
— Lewis Grizzard
"If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee."
– Abraham Lincoln
“I thought about losing weight once, but I don’t like losing.”
― Unknown
“If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?”
― Unknown
"A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something Brussels sprouts never do."
– P. J. O’Rourke
"At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom."
— George Carlin
“I thought I’d become an actress, but then I realized I eat too much.”
― Chelsea Handler
“I didn’t get this physique by not eating tacos.”
― Jon Tester
"I'm not sure how the average American would differentiate National Dessert Day from any other day."
– Andy Borowitz
"Humor keeps us alive. Humor and food. Don't forget food. You can go a week without laughing."
— Joss Whedon
"I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food."
– Erma Bombeck
"The 12-step chocoholics program: Never be more than 12 steps away from chocolate!"
— Terry Moore
"The trouble with eating Italian food is that, five or six days later, you're hungry again."
– George Miller
"Wait. Why am I thinking about Krispy Kremes? We're supposed to be exercising."
— Meg Cabot