“I thought I’d become an actress, but then I realized I eat too much.”
― Chelsea Handler
"I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o'clock in the morning."
– John Barrymore
“Who knew that the hardest part of being an adult is figuring out what to cook for dinner every single night for the rest of your life.”
― Unknown
"Carbs are the answer. No matter the question."
— Unknown
"The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found."
— Calvin Trillin
"Do you know what breakfast cereal is made of? It's made of all those little curly wooden shavings you find in pencil sharpeners!"
— Roald Dahl
“I thought about losing weight once, but I don’t like losing.”
― Unknown
"We must have a pie. Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie."
– David Mamet
“My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.”
― Henny Youngman
"Snack time heals all wounds."
— Bridger Winegar
"At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom."
— George Carlin
“A pizza slice a day keeps sadness away.”
― Jet Paacal
"After a good dinner, one can forgive anybody, even one's own relations."
— Oscar Wilde
“Your body is not a temple, it’s an amusement park. Enjoy the ride.”
― Anthony Bourdain
“The only thing I like better than talking about food is eating.”
— John Walters
"When you see a couple walking down the street holding hands and laughing, you look over to your side and the only thing you're holding is a half-eaten sandwich."
— Violet Matters
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not."
— Mark Twain
"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people."
— Orson Welles
“I’m like Pacman when I’m at a party, I eat everything and run away from anyone coming close to me.”
― Unknown
“Red meat is not bad for you. Now, blue-green meat—that’s bad for you!”
— Tom Smothers
“Don’t believe everything fortune cookies tell you. Just because they’re sweet doesn’t mean they’re right.”
― Unknown
"Popcorn for breakfast! Why not? It’s a grain. It’s like, like, grits, but with high self-esteem."
– James Patterson
“The only clubs I’m interested in are sandwiches.”
― Unknown
"Watermelon - it's a good fruit. You eat, you drink, you wash your face."
— Enrico Caruso
“I bought a calming tea but the smell and taste is making me nervous.”
― Unknown
"Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults."
– Mitch Hedberg
"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook."
— Julia Child
“Every day is National Donut Day if you put your mind to it.”
― Unknown
"An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh."
— Will Rogers
“You only live once… Lick the bowl!”
― Unknown
"The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later, you're hungry again."
— George Miller
“Nutrition labels should include a “What if I ate the whole thing” section.”
― Unknown
"I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food."
– Erma Bombeck
"Life is too short for self-hatred and celery sticks."
– Marilyn Wann
“I believe it’s a cook’s moral obligation to add more butter given the chance.”
― Michael Ruhlman
“Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.”
― Unknown
“Being a couch potato is dangerous, someone may get hungry and eat you!”
― Unknown
“Love and sausage are alike. Can never have enough of either.”
— Trixie Koontz
“Where there is cake, there is hope. And there is always cake.”
― Dean Koontz
“I eat cake every day because somewhere out there it’s someone’s birthday and I like to celebrate.”
― Unknown
"If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world."
– J.R.R. Tolkien
“Love means never having to say “Should we get dessert?”
― Unknown
“Those pizzas I ate were for medicinal purposes.”
― Amy Neftzger
“Another day, another 13,000 calories.”
— Andy Lassner
“A party without a cake is really just a meeting.”
― Julia Child
"Promises and pie-crust are made to be broken."
— Jonathan Swift
"I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food."
— W.C. Fields
"Your diet is a bank account. Good food choices are good investments."
— Bethenny Frankel
"Wait. Why am I thinking about Krispy Kremes? We're supposed to be exercising."
— Meg Cabot
“Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale’s mating call.”
― Unknown