“Swiss cheese differs from Camembert by better ventilation.”
― Unknown
"Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults."
– Mitch Hedberg
"The trouble with eating Italian food is that, five or six days later, you're hungry again."
– George Miller
"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook."
— Julia Child
"You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jelly beans."
— Ronald Reagan
“When life hands you lemons, give them back. You deserve chocolate.”
― Unknown
"If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world."
– J.R.R. Tolkien
“An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.”
― Unknown
“Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.”
― Unknown
“Anyone who says that money cannot buy happiness has clearly never spent their money on pizza.”
― Andrew W.K.
“Another day, another 13,000 calories.”
— Andy Lassner
"Your diet is a bank account. Good food choices are good investments."
— Bethenny Frankel
"I'll have a double cappuccino, half-caf, non-fat milk, with enough foam to be aesthetically pleasing, but not so much that it would leave a mustache."
— Niles Crane
“Don’t believe everything fortune cookies tell you. Just because they’re sweet doesn’t mean they’re right.”
― Unknown
“I have a passion for not cooking.”
― Unknown
“I bought a calming tea but the smell and taste is making me nervous.”
― Unknown
“Unless you are a pizza, the answer is yes, I can live without you.”
― Bill Murray
"Life is too short for self-hatred and celery sticks."
– Marilyn Wann
“Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.”
― Unknown
"If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee."
– Abraham Lincoln
“You know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself.”
― Unknown
"An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh."
— Will Rogers
"A slice of pie without cheese is like a kiss without a squeeze."
— Stephen King
“Where there is cake, there is hope. And there is always cake.”
― Dean Koontz
"After a good dinner, one can forgive anybody, even one's own relations."
— Oscar Wilde
“The only clubs I’m interested in are sandwiches.”
― Unknown
“I thought I’d become an actress, but then I realized I eat too much.”
― Chelsea Handler
"Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon."
— Doug Larson
“Love and sausage are alike. Can never have enough of either.”
— Trixie Koontz
“Every day is National Donut Day if you put your mind to it.”
― Unknown
“I’m glad I don’t have to hunt my own food, I don’t even know where sandwiches live.”
― Unknown
"When the waitress asked if I wanted my pizza cut into four or eight slices, I said, 'Four. I don't think I can eat eight."
— Yogi Berra
“Being a beaver is nice, if you’re hungry you just eat a piece of your home.”
― Unknown
“Little known fact, gentlemen. Tacos are the food of genius.”
― Heather Brewer
"I'm not sure how the average American would differentiate National Dessert Day from any other day."
– Andy Borowitz
“I won’t be impressed with technology until I can download food.”
― Unknown
"Never order barbecue in a place that also serves quiche."
— Lewis Grizzard
“The key to my heart looks a whole lot like a plate of pasta.”
― Unknown
“When you are stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets because stressed spelled backward is desserts.”
― Unknown
"Anything is good if it's made of chocolate."
— Jo Brand
“A pizza slice a day keeps sadness away.”
― Jet Paacal
"Watermelon - it's a good fruit. You eat, you drink, you wash your face."
— Enrico Caruso
"I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o'clock in the morning."
– John Barrymore
“If you know how many cupcakes I’m holding behind my back I’ll give you both of them.”
― Unknown
"Carbs are the answer. No matter the question."
— Unknown
"There's no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap."
— Kevin James
"Snack time heals all wounds."
— Bridger Winegar
“Those pizzas I ate were for medicinal purposes.”
― Amy Neftzger
“Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale’s mating call.”
― Unknown
“Who knew that the hardest part of being an adult is figuring out what to cook for dinner every single night for the rest of your life.”
― Unknown