"If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee."
– Abraham Lincoln
"Life is too short for self-hatred and celery sticks."
– Marilyn Wann
“Red meat is not bad for you. Now, blue-green meat—that’s bad for you!”
— Tom Smothers
“When you are stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets because stressed spelled backward is desserts.”
― Unknown
“My mind says ‘abs’ but my heart says ‘cheese fries’.”
― Unknown
“Anyone who says that money cannot buy happiness has clearly never spent their money on pizza.”
― Andrew W.K.
"If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world."
– J.R.R. Tolkien
“I thought I’d become an actress, but then I realized I eat too much.”
― Chelsea Handler
“I’m glad I don’t have to hunt my own food, I don’t even know where sandwiches live.”
― Unknown
"At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom."
— George Carlin
“Swiss cheese differs from Camembert by better ventilation.”
― Unknown
"There's no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap."
— Kevin James
"I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight."
– Rita Rudner
“Nutrition labels should include a “What if I ate the whole thing” section.”
― Unknown
“Your body is not a temple, it’s an amusement park. Enjoy the ride.”
― Anthony Bourdain
"The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later, you're hungry again."
— George Miller
"Promises and pie-crust are made to be broken."
— Jonathan Swift
"Snack time heals all wounds."
— Bridger Winegar
"I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food."
— W.C. Fields
"You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jelly beans."
— Ronald Reagan
"Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education."
— Mark Twain
“You know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself.”
― Unknown
“If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?”
― Unknown
"If I hold a can of soda up to my ear and listen carefully, I can hear my bones pleading for a glass of milk."
– Bridger Winegar
“A party without a cake is really just a meeting.”
― Julia Child
“Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.”
― Unknown
“Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.”
― Erma Bombeck
“I won’t be impressed with technology until I can download food.”
― Unknown
“The key to my heart looks a whole lot like a plate of pasta.”
― Unknown
"After a good dinner, one can forgive anybody, even one's own relations."
— Oscar Wilde
"Watermelon - it's a good fruit. You eat, you drink, you wash your face."
— Enrico Caruso
"The trouble with eating Italian food is that, five or six days later, you're hungry again."
– George Miller
“All my life I thought air was free until I bought a bag of chips.”
― Unknown
"Never trust a skinny cook."
– Iain Hewitson
"Never eat more than you can lift."
— Miss Piggy
“There’s no “we” in ice cream.”
― Unknown
“How do I like my eggs? In a cake.”
― Unknown
“I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case we’re having cake.”
― Unknown
"Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is."
— P. J. O'Rourke
"A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something Brussels sprouts never do."
– P. J. O’Rourke
“Another day, another 13,000 calories.”
— Andy Lassner
“Every pizza is a personal pizza if you try hard and believe in yourself.”
― Bill Murray
"I don't eat lobsters, shrimp, or crawfish because I don't eat anything that looks like I should step on it."
— George Carlin
“Every day is National Donut Day if you put your mind to it.”
― Unknown
“I’m like Pacman when I’m at a party, I eat everything and run away from anyone coming close to me.”
― Unknown
"Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first."
– Ernestine Ulmer
“I bought a calming tea but the smell and taste is making me nervous.”
― Unknown
"I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks."
— Totie Fields
“Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale’s mating call.”
― Unknown
“A pizza slice a day keeps sadness away.”
― Jet Paacal