“I bought a calming tea but the smell and taste is making me nervous.”
― Unknown
“I’m glad I don’t have to hunt my own food, I don’t even know where sandwiches live.”
― Unknown
"Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is."
— P. J. O'Rourke
"There's no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap."
— Kevin James
“An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.”
― Unknown
"I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o'clock in the morning."
– John Barrymore
“A party without a cake is really just a meeting.”
― Julia Child
"Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one of the pieces."
— Judith Viorst
“How do I like my eggs? In a cake.”
― Unknown
"I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge."
— Unknown
"Carbs are the answer. No matter the question."
— Unknown
“The key to my heart looks a whole lot like a plate of pasta.”
― Unknown
"When you see a couple walking down the street holding hands and laughing, you look over to your side and the only thing you're holding is a half-eaten sandwich."
— Violet Matters
"I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks."
— Totie Fields
“Every pizza is a personal pizza if you try hard and believe in yourself.”
― Bill Murray
"Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first."
– Ernestine Ulmer
"Never trust a skinny cook."
– Iain Hewitson
"You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jelly beans."
— Ronald Reagan
“When life hands you lemons, give them back. You deserve chocolate.”
― Unknown
“When you are stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets because stressed spelled backward is desserts.”
― Unknown
“Your body is not a temple, it’s an amusement park. Enjoy the ride.”
― Anthony Bourdain
"Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon."
— Doug Larson
"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people."
— Orson Welles
“Everything goes better with tacos.”
― Rachel Caine
"Popcorn for breakfast! Why not? It’s a grain. It’s like, like, grits, but with high self-esteem."
– James Patterson
“I eat cake every day because somewhere out there it’s someone’s birthday and I like to celebrate.”
― Unknown
“If you know how many cupcakes I’m holding behind my back I’ll give you both of them.”
― Unknown
“You only live once… Lick the bowl!”
― Unknown
"We must have a pie. Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie."
– David Mamet
"A slice of pie without cheese is like a kiss without a squeeze."
— Stephen King
“Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.”
― Erma Bombeck
"I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight."
– Rita Rudner
"I'm not sure how the average American would differentiate National Dessert Day from any other day."
– Andy Borowitz
“Little known fact, gentlemen. Tacos are the food of genius.”
― Heather Brewer
"When we put vegetables up for the winter, we use jars, but we call it canning. I find that jarring. And uncanny."
– Greg Tamblyn
“Being a beaver is nice, if you’re hungry you just eat a piece of your home.”
― Unknown
"Wait. Why am I thinking about Krispy Kremes? We're supposed to be exercising."
— Meg Cabot
“Every day is National Donut Day if you put your mind to it.”
― Unknown
"I'm not sure what makes pepperoni so good if it's the pepper or the oni."
— Ulrik Stephens
"If we shake out all of the crumbs from all of the keyboards in the world, we can end world hunger."
— Matthew Dolkart
“A pizza slice a day keeps sadness away.”
― Jet Paacal
“All my life I thought air was free until I bought a bag of chips.”
― Unknown
"Snack time heals all wounds."
— Bridger Winegar
“Love means never having to say “Should we get dessert?”
― Unknown
“Swiss cheese differs from Camembert by better ventilation.”
― Unknown
“You know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself.”
― Unknown
“You can’t make everyone happy. You’re not pizza.”
― Unknown
“Those pizzas I ate were for medicinal purposes.”
― Amy Neftzger
“I want to tell you about the "sausage principle." The theory says, "If you love something, never try to find out how it is done."”
― Unknown
“If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?”
― Unknown