“An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.”
― Unknown
"When you see a couple walking down the street holding hands and laughing, you look over to your side and the only thing you're holding is a half-eaten sandwich."
— Violet Matters
“You know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself.”
― Unknown
"I don't eat lobsters, shrimp, or crawfish because I don't eat anything that looks like I should step on it."
— George Carlin
"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people."
— Orson Welles
"If we shake out all of the crumbs from all of the keyboards in the world, we can end world hunger."
— Matthew Dolkart
"Promises and pie-crust are made to be broken."
— Jonathan Swift
"I really don't think I need buns of steel. I'd be happy with buns of cinnamon."
— Ellen DeGeneres
"Wait. Why am I thinking about Krispy Kremes? We're supposed to be exercising."
— Meg Cabot
“Being a couch potato is dangerous, someone may get hungry and eat you!”
― Unknown
“The key to my heart looks a whole lot like a plate of pasta.”
― Unknown
"There's no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap."
— Kevin James
“I bought a calming tea but the smell and taste is making me nervous.”
― Unknown
"Humor keeps us alive. Humor and food. Don't forget food. You can go a week without laughing."
— Joss Whedon
“All my life I thought air was free until I bought a bag of chips.”
― Unknown
"Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults."
– Mitch Hedberg
"The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later, you're hungry again."
— George Miller
"In these difficult times, when so many people are having trouble finding enough to eat, we are extending the “five-second rule” to a full ten seconds."
– Ron Piraro
“I’m glad I don’t have to hunt my own food, I don’t even know where sandwiches live.”
― Unknown
“A party without a cake is really just a meeting.”
― Julia Child
"I'll have a double cappuccino, half-caf, non-fat milk, with enough foam to be aesthetically pleasing, but not so much that it would leave a mustache."
— Niles Crane
“I want to tell you about the "sausage principle." The theory says, "If you love something, never try to find out how it is done."”
― Unknown
"At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom."
— George Carlin
“Little known fact, gentlemen. Tacos are the food of genius.”
― Heather Brewer
"Life is too short for self-hatred and celery sticks."
– Marilyn Wann
"Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is."
— P. J. O'Rourke
“I thought about losing weight once, but I don’t like losing.”
― Unknown
"After a good dinner, one can forgive anybody, even one's own relations."
— Oscar Wilde
“The only thing I like better than talking about food is eating.”
— John Walters
“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.”
― Charles M. Schulz
"I'm not sure what makes pepperoni so good if it's the pepper or the oni."
— Ulrik Stephens
“Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.”
― Unknown
"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook."
— Julia Child
"I just want someone to look at me the way I look at food."
— Unknown
"You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jelly beans."
— Ronald Reagan
“I have a passion for not cooking.”
― Unknown
"The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found."
— Calvin Trillin
“Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.”
― Erma Bombeck
"We must have a pie. Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie."
– David Mamet
“I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case we’re having cake.”
― Unknown
"Americans will eat garbage provided you sprinkle it liberally with ketchup."
— Henry James
"Your diet is a bank account. Good food choices are good investments."
— Bethenny Frankel
"Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie."
— Jim Davis
"Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first."
– Ernestine Ulmer
“Another day, another 13,000 calories.”
— Andy Lassner
“There’s no “we” in ice cream.”
― Unknown
“Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.”
― Unknown
“Your body is not a temple, it’s an amusement park. Enjoy the ride.”
― Anthony Bourdain
"I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o'clock in the morning."
– John Barrymore
"I don't share blame. I don't share credit. And I don't share desserts"
– Beverly Sills