“A cookie a day keeps the sadness away. An entire jar of cookies a day brings it back.”
― Unknown
"I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge."
— Unknown
“I’m like Pacman when I’m at a party, I eat everything and run away from anyone coming close to me.”
― Unknown
“Anyone who says that money cannot buy happiness has clearly never spent their money on pizza.”
― Andrew W.K.
"Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults."
– Mitch Hedberg
“Being a beaver is nice, if you’re hungry you just eat a piece of your home.”
― Unknown
“Red meat is not bad for you. Now, blue-green meat—that’s bad for you!”
— Tom Smothers
"The trouble with eating Italian food is that, five or six days later, you're hungry again."
– George Miller
"I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight."
– Rita Rudner
“I have a passion for not cooking.”
― Unknown
"A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something Brussels sprouts never do."
– P. J. O’Rourke
"There's no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap."
— Kevin James
"Promises and pie-crust are made to be broken."
— Jonathan Swift
"As a child, my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it."
— Buddy Hackett
"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people."
— Orson Welles
"Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie."
— Jim Davis
"A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand."
— Barbara Johnson
“The only thing I like better than talking about food is eating.”
— John Walters
“Abs are temporary. Chocolate is forever.”
― Unknown
"The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found."
— Calvin Trillin
"I'm not sure what makes pepperoni so good if it's the pepper or the oni."
— Ulrik Stephens
"Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is."
— P. J. O'Rourke
"When we put vegetables up for the winter, we use jars, but we call it canning. I find that jarring. And uncanny."
– Greg Tamblyn
"I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks."
— Totie Fields
"Never trust a skinny cook."
– Iain Hewitson
"All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt."
— Charles M. Shulz
"At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom."
— George Carlin
“Love and sausage are alike. Can never have enough of either.”
— Trixie Koontz
"When you see a couple walking down the street holding hands and laughing, you look over to your side and the only thing you're holding is a half-eaten sandwich."
— Violet Matters
"I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o'clock in the morning."
– John Barrymore