"When the waitress asked if I wanted my pizza cut into four or eight slices, I said, 'Four. I don't think I can eat eight."
— Yogi Berra
"I don't eat lobsters, shrimp, or crawfish because I don't eat anything that looks like I should step on it."
— George Carlin
“Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.”
― Erma Bombeck
“When you are stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets because stressed spelled backward is desserts.”
― Unknown
"After a good dinner, one can forgive anybody, even one's own relations."
— Oscar Wilde
"A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand."
— Barbara Johnson
"Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one of the pieces."
— Judith Viorst
“Every pizza is a personal pizza if you try hard and believe in yourself.”
― Bill Murray
"You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jelly beans."
— Ronald Reagan
“A pizza slice a day keeps sadness away.”
― Jet Paacal
"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people."
— Orson Welles
"Snack time heals all wounds."
— Bridger Winegar
"Popcorn for breakfast! Why not? It’s a grain. It’s like, like, grits, but with high self-esteem."
– James Patterson
"The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later, you're hungry again."
— George Miller
“My mind says ‘abs’ but my heart says ‘cheese fries’.”
― Unknown
“Being a couch potato is dangerous, someone may get hungry and eat you!”
― Unknown
"If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world."
– J.R.R. Tolkien
"Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first."
– Ernestine Ulmer
“The only clubs I’m interested in are sandwiches.”
― Unknown
“Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale’s mating call.”
― Unknown
“When life hands you lemons, give them back. You deserve chocolate.”
― Unknown
"Humor keeps us alive. Humor and food. Don't forget food. You can go a week without laughing."
— Joss Whedon
“Where there is cake, there is hope. And there is always cake.”
― Dean Koontz
"All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt."
— Charles M. Shulz
“I won’t be impressed with technology until I can download food.”
― Unknown
"Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is."
— P. J. O'Rourke
“Swiss cheese differs from Camembert by better ventilation.”
― Unknown
"Never eat more than you can lift."
— Miss Piggy
“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.”
― Charles M. Schulz
"When you see a couple walking down the street holding hands and laughing, you look over to your side and the only thing you're holding is a half-eaten sandwich."
— Violet Matters
“I bought a calming tea but the smell and taste is making me nervous.”
― Unknown
"Never trust a skinny cook."
– Iain Hewitson
“Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.”
― Unknown
"I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food."
— W.C. Fields
"As a child, my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it."
— Buddy Hackett
"Without ice cream, there would be darkness and chaos."
– Don Kardong
“Another day, another 13,000 calories.”
— Andy Lassner
“I’m like Pacman when I’m at a party, I eat everything and run away from anyone coming close to me.”
― Unknown
"Do you know what breakfast cereal is made of? It's made of all those little curly wooden shavings you find in pencil sharpeners!"
— Roald Dahl
“There’s no “we” in ice cream.”
― Unknown
“An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.”
― Unknown
"Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie."
— Jim Davis
"When we put vegetables up for the winter, we use jars, but we call it canning. I find that jarring. And uncanny."
– Greg Tamblyn
"I'll have a double cappuccino, half-caf, non-fat milk, with enough foam to be aesthetically pleasing, but not so much that it would leave a mustache."
— Niles Crane
"If I hold a can of soda up to my ear and listen carefully, I can hear my bones pleading for a glass of milk."
– Bridger Winegar
"The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found."
— Calvin Trillin
"I'm not sure what makes pepperoni so good if it's the pepper or the oni."
— Ulrik Stephens
"Watermelon - it's a good fruit. You eat, you drink, you wash your face."
— Enrico Caruso
"Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education."
— Mark Twain
“The only thing I like better than talking about food is eating.”
— John Walters