“If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?”
― Unknown
"A slice of pie without cheese is like a kiss without a squeeze."
— Stephen King
“Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.”
― Unknown
"I'll have a double cappuccino, half-caf, non-fat milk, with enough foam to be aesthetically pleasing, but not so much that it would leave a mustache."
— Niles Crane
"A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand."
— Barbara Johnson
“Those pizzas I ate were for medicinal purposes.”
― Amy Neftzger
"Without ice cream, there would be darkness and chaos."
– Don Kardong
“You can’t make everyone happy. You’re not pizza.”
― Unknown
"Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie."
— Jim Davis
"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people."
— Orson Welles
"I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food."
— W.C. Fields
“Little known fact, gentlemen. Tacos are the food of genius.”
― Heather Brewer
“Being a couch potato is dangerous, someone may get hungry and eat you!”
― Unknown
"I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge."
— Unknown
“Where there is cake, there is hope. And there is always cake.”
― Dean Koontz
“I want to tell you about the "sausage principle." The theory says, "If you love something, never try to find out how it is done."”
― Unknown
"Humor keeps us alive. Humor and food. Don't forget food. You can go a week without laughing."
— Joss Whedon
"I don't share blame. I don't share credit. And I don't share desserts"
– Beverly Sills
"Life is too short for self-hatred and celery sticks."
– Marilyn Wann
"Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults."
– Mitch Hedberg
"Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first."
– Ernestine Ulmer
“The only clubs I’m interested in are sandwiches.”
― Unknown
“Another day, another 13,000 calories.”
— Andy Lassner
"I don't eat lobsters, shrimp, or crawfish because I don't eat anything that looks like I should step on it."
— George Carlin
“If you know how many cupcakes I’m holding behind my back I’ll give you both of them.”
― Unknown
“I eat cake every day because somewhere out there it’s someone’s birthday and I like to celebrate.”
― Unknown
"Never eat more than you can lift."
— Miss Piggy
"Anything is good if it's made of chocolate."
— Jo Brand
“Love and sausage are alike. Can never have enough of either.”
— Trixie Koontz
“Don’t believe everything fortune cookies tell you. Just because they’re sweet doesn’t mean they’re right.”
― Unknown
"Snack time heals all wounds."
— Bridger Winegar
"I just want someone to look at me the way I look at food."
— Unknown
"A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something Brussels sprouts never do."
– P. J. O’Rourke
“You only live once… Lick the bowl!”
― Unknown
"Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon."
— Doug Larson
"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook."
— Julia Child
"I'm not sure how the average American would differentiate National Dessert Day from any other day."
– Andy Borowitz
“There’s no “we” in ice cream.”
― Unknown
“Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.”
― Unknown
"Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is."
— P. J. O'Rourke
“Anyone who says that money cannot buy happiness has clearly never spent their money on pizza.”
― Andrew W.K.
"Watermelon - it's a good fruit. You eat, you drink, you wash your face."
— Enrico Caruso
“Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.”
― Unknown
"I really don't think I need buns of steel. I'd be happy with buns of cinnamon."
— Ellen DeGeneres
“My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.”
― Henny Youngman
"At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom."
— George Carlin
“Unless you are a pizza, the answer is yes, I can live without you.”
― Bill Murray
"When we put vegetables up for the winter, we use jars, but we call it canning. I find that jarring. And uncanny."
– Greg Tamblyn
"Carbs are the answer. No matter the question."
— Unknown
“Abs are temporary. Chocolate is forever.”
― Unknown