Why are pickles in sandwiches always so polite?
They're well-bread.
What's the name of the meatiest Knight of the Round Table? Sir Loin!
Why did one melon break up with the other melon?
“He didn’t know water problem was.”
And speaking of meloncholy, I heard that’s what you get when you cross a watermelon and broccoli.
A magnetic strawberry is always red and points north.
What song do young peaches love listening to? 'Papa don't peach'.
The unripe strawberry wasn't added to the starting lineup of the game because he was too green.
And what's its favorite Bob Marley song? Don't Worry, Be Frappé.
What’s the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
Beer nuts are $2.50. Deer nuts are under a buck
What do we call a beautiful picture drawn by a peach artist? – It is a great peach of work.
What do we call a plumb pineapple? It is called a pineapple chunk!
Why did the lettuce stop dating the mushroom?
He though she was a pretty fungal, but didn't have mushroom on its schedule.
Why do you always bring a bag of chips to a party? In queso emergency.
Did you get a side of hummus?
It's a hummuside.
What's a baby gherkin's favorite TV channel?
Pickleodeon.
What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!
I thought I'd have some evaporated milk on my pudding. But when I opened it, it was empty.
That wide loaf has a decent bread-th. Nice.
Back in the early 2010s, the peach children loved to flock around to listen to Peach Pit.
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
Soup is only musical when it is piping hot.
So, how on earth did the police catch the watermelon thief without a solid description? Don’t really know; guess the bloke was acting seedy.
The apple says to the pineapple “What? Go out with you tonight? It will not happen in a million years!” Since then, we have a crushed pineapple.
My doctor said I need to change my diet. He said I should eat more more caviar and drink more champagne. So, I said, "That's insane! What kind of a diet is that?" He replied, "It's called a High Fluten Diet."
What did Einstein say when someone tried to steal his beer?
Nein! Mine Stein!
If Jim has 15 watermelons and throws one at Mary, what does Mary have?
“A really bad headache!”
What happened to the cherry that got married to an apple? They are living apple-y ever after.
What do you call a pickle lullaby?
A cucumber slumber number.
Whenever the peach gets angry, it looks at my face and screams: “You are just a peach of sh*t!”
Why didn’t the mother potato want her daughter to marry the famous newscaster? Because he was a common-tater.
What should you do if you see a blue banana?
Try and cheer it up.
Where does a pineapple and cucumber vacation? Somewhere tropical (tro-pickle).
What did the salt shaker say to the graint of salt? Why you INSALT MEEE.
Did you hear what happened when the decorator painted his wife with cheese? He double Gloucester!
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
I like you a latke!
The least favorite day for an orange is a juice day.
“We are experiencing slight tuber-lence on the flight”
The baker just felt this incredible knead to make bread. That’s certainly the truth.
When everyone agreed with Hulk at breakfast that they love waffles more, he said, "Not all heroes wear crepes."
Why do pigs go to New York City? To see the Big Apple.
Where were the first orange trees planted?
“In Orange County.”
What's the difference between a bipolar person and a loft full of lemons?
One's a bit erratic and the other's a bitter attic.
Why do donuts hate puns so much?
They donut like to joke around!
What is the best type of nut for your home wall decor? A walnut.
What kind of cheese to beavers eat?
Edam.
When you come across oranges wearing suntan lotion, don’t judge them harshly. They do so in order not to peel.
A dog in a pumpkin patch is called...
a pumpkin pooch.
How does a robot eat it’s guacamole?
Microchips.
It’s common for people with heartbreaks to crumble.