Why does it take a while before a peach leaves a fruit basket? They have to give a goodbye peach first.
Chefs earn a meager celery, cumin home beat they just want to read the pepper and spend thyme with the kids.
Don’t hang around booze hounds. They’re wine-y bitches.
I got fruit preserves on my finger.
Doctor said it was jammed.
What's the difference between England and a tea bag? The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.
During the battle between the two onion kings, one of them was on the back foot as it was leek-ing blood.
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
Why did I start making a cherry pie? Bake-cause I love it.
What's green and swims in the sea?
Moby Pickle.
How do you know it's cold outside? When you milk a brown cow you get chocolate ice cream!
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it's been sliced.
Which tool does a peach biologist often use for its experiment? – A peachtree dish (Petri dish).
My wife was trying to feed our son a pear, and he was refusing.
I said, Good news. Our son is immune to pear pressure.
I was going to tell you a joke about an egg but it's not all it's cracked up to be.
What do you call Chewbacca when he has chocolate stuck in his hair? Chocolate Chip Wookiee.
So I asked Satan if he had any milk I could drink...
He told me "No whey in Hell!"
Know what kind of cookies rich people love? Fortune cookies.
It is really rare to find the most perfectly cooked steak.
Why do ice cream cones make such good journalists?
They always get a scoop.
Where do eggs go on holiday?
New Yolk.
Did you know that you can get a slice of lemon pie in Cuba for $1.50, but in Jamaica you can get key lime pie for $1.00?
Those are the pie rates of the Carribean.
The bag of flour was so confused.He thought that he saw his friend the loaf yeast-erday.
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball?
When it’s been sliced.
Be careful what you say in a corn maze. The walls have ears.
Ever heard of French Donuts?
They’re the Beigne of my existence.
“I can’t breathe” One potato said to the other. “What happened? ” The other said. The potato replied “I
feel I dropped my nose somewhere”
I can't get my wife to try Mediterranean food.
She doesn't like hummus, which is a naan-starter.
Why was the man holding a bottle of ketchup? Because it was raining cats and hot dogs.
How do you know when a potato is high? When it looks baked!
What did the Mexican wrestler say after he ate a taco that was too spicy?
“It’s okay, I’ll just guac it off”
Which search engine is popular amongst mice? Ask Cheese.
Knock Knock.
Who’s there? Donut. Donut who? Donut ask, it’s a secret!
My mother says: “Leave that peach cobbler alone on the table!” However, I cannot help myself and sneak in to watch it making beautiful peach shoes.
Why do donuts hate puns so much?
They donut like to joke around!
Usain bolt must be a fruit
Have you seen that mango?
Where’s the best place to find out information about pistachios?
The inter-nut.
What did the annoyed peach say to the mango?
Man-go away!
You know why I love bread puns? Because they never go stale.
I stopped eating pea soup. I gave it up for lentil.
What do you call a spinning potato? A rotate-o.
If you throw your peas in the sky you get air pods.
Where do cows write down their most intimate thoughts? Inside of their dairy.
Cow's that eat strawberries give strawberry milk.
Why did the hare go to the taco truck?
He couldn't beat the tortas.
A Blueberry asked a strawberry to go to hell.
That was berry rude of him
Do you know what firemen often add to their soup? – They add firecrackers.
Why was red in awe of orange?
“Because orange blue green.”
It's Taco Night, so on my way home, I grabbed a bag of shredded cheese at the store, queso we needed some more.
.
Every girl is just like a pineapple: They both have many pointy defences, but they are still sweet and adorable.