Second

What's the best advice to give to a young baseball player?
If you don't suceed at first, try second base.
Why did the man with one hand cross the road? To get to the second hand shop.
Why did God make only one Yogi Bear? Because when he tried to make a second one he made a Boo-Boo.
How many second violinists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They can’t get up that high.
Where is the first baseball game in the Bible?
In the big inning. Eve stole first, Adam stole second. Cain struck out Abel. The Giants and the Angels were rained out.
Little Johnny and the Psychology Question
Little Johnny and the Psychology Question A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself."
Two chemists walk into a bar. The first says, "Can I have a glass of H2O?" The second chemist says, "Can I have a glass of water, too?" The first chemist breaks down in tears — his assassination attempt has failed.
(He didn't say H2O2)
Where is the first baseball game in the Bible?
In the big inning. Eve stole first, Adam stole second. Cain struck out Abel. The Giants and the Angels were rained out.
What's the difference between the first honeymoon and the second?
First honeymoon, Niagara. Second honeymoon, Viagra.
Police have arrested a man for having sex with fruit, but they suspect a second perpetrator may still be at large.
The inspector released a statement saying "These people do tend to cum in pears."
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
Why did the detective lose his second job at the airport?
He kept cracking cases.
A physics teacher writes a question on a board:

"A 40 kg child that 100 cm tall is holding a parent's arms swinging them 0.5 revolutions a second. If the parent let go of the child after 2 seconds, where will the child end up?"

A few moments later, the teacher then comes over and reads a student's answer:

"In a foster home."
Why did the bear quit his second job?
Because he needed some koalaty time with his family.
I started a job making plastic Dracula figurines but there’s only two of us in the production line.
I have to make every second Count.
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.