Christmas Jokes

I don't need Christmas lights, you're already shining so bright.
I don't have a Christmas list, cuz you're already the best gift.
I feel like a Christmas tree when you talk to me because I light up.
You make me more excited than gifts under a Christmas tree.
The Grinch may have stolen Christmas, but you stole my heart.
I'm like a Christmas present - you'll love waking up to me in the morning.
Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa exactly what I want for Christmas?
Baby, we need to get together before Christmas, because you can't spell "love" with No-el.
Are you Christmas? Because I want to Merry you.
Writing to Baby Jesus A child from a poor family wanted a bike for Christmas, so he asked his mother. His mother replied, "Well, we can't afford one so you'll just have to go ask the baby Jesus.' The boy went to his room, got a stack of refill and a pen and began writing: 'Dear Baby Jesus, I've been good all year, can you please give me a bike for Christmas.' Then he looked at it and thought maybe that wasn't entirely true, so he tried again. 'Dear Baby Jesus, I've been good for the past week, can you please give me a bike for Christmas.' Then he looked at it again and still wasn't sure if that was true, so he tried yet again. 'Dear Baby Jesus, if you give me a bike, I'll be good all year.' But even then that seemed too hard, so he took a walk outside to think about it. As he was walking, he saw his neighbor's statue of Mother Mary. The boy hopped over the fence, tucked it under his shoulder and ran home to hide it. Then wrote his letter again. 'Dear Baby Jesus, if you ever want to see your mother again, give me a bike!'
Can I take your picture? I want Santa to know exactly what I want for Christmas.
Thanksgiving is over… Want to watch Christmas movies and chill?
Call me your Christmas tree, because you're turning me on.
If you wake up in a box tomorrow morning, it's cause I asked for the sexiest person in the world for Christmas.
If you jingle my bells I'll promise you a white Christmas.
Why are elves so cold at Christmas?
Because it's in Decembrrrrr.
Atheists Need a Holiday An atheist became incensed over Christmas holiday preparations. He filed a lawsuit about the constant celebrations given to Christians and Jews while atheists had no holiday to celebrate. The case was brought before a judge. After listening to the long, passionate presentation by the atheist's lawyer, the judge banged his gavel and declared, "Case dismissed!" The lawyer immediately stood and objected to the ruling. "Your honor, how can you possibly dismiss this case? The Christians have Christmas, Easter, and many other observances. Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur, and Hanukkah. Yet, my client and all other atheists have no such holiday!" The judge leaned forward in his chair and simply said, "Obviously, your client is too confused to know about, much less celebrate his own atheist holiday!" The lawyer pompously said, "Your honor, we are unaware of any such holiday for atheists. Just when might that holiday be?" The judge replied, "Well, it comes every year on exactly the same date. Psalm 14:1 states, 'The fool says in his heart, there is no God.' Thus, if your client says there is no God then, according to the Bible, he is a fool. April Fool's Day is his holiday. Now, get out of my courtroom!"
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