Christmas

What do you give a train driver for Christmas? Platform shoes!
Writing to Baby Jesus
Writing to Baby Jesus A child from a poor family wanted a bike for Christmas, so he asked his mother. His mother replied, "Well, we can't afford one so you'll just have to go ask the baby Jesus.' The boy went to his room, got a stack of refill and a pen and began writing: 'Dear Baby Jesus, I've been good all year, can you please give me a bike for Christmas.' Then he looked at it and thought maybe that wasn't entirely true, so he tried again. 'Dear Baby Jesus, I've been good for the past week, can you please give me a bike for Christmas.' Then he looked at it again and still wasn't sure if that was true, so he tried yet again. 'Dear Baby Jesus, if you give me a bike, I'll be good all year.' But even then that seemed too hard, so he took a walk outside to think about it. As he was walking, he saw his neighbor's statue of Mother Mary. The boy hopped over the fence, tucked it under his shoulder and ran home to hide it. Then wrote his letter again. 'Dear Baby Jesus, if you ever want to see your mother again, give me a bike!'
Atheists Need a Holiday
Atheists Need a Holiday An atheist became incensed over Christmas holiday preparations. He filed a lawsuit about the constant celebrations given to Christians and Jews while atheists had no holiday to celebrate. The case was brought before a judge. After listening to the long, passionate presentation by the atheist's lawyer, the judge banged his gavel and declared, "Case dismissed!" The lawyer immediately stood and objected to the ruling. "Your honor, how can you possibly dismiss this case? The Christians have Christmas, Easter, and many other observances. Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur, and Hanukkah. Yet, my client and all other atheists have no such holiday!" The judge leaned forward in his chair and simply said, "Obviously, your client is too confused to know about, much less celebrate his own atheist holiday!" The lawyer pompously said, "Your honor, we are unaware of any such holiday for atheists. Just when might that holiday be?" The judge replied, "Well, it comes every year on exactly the same date. Psalm 14:1 states, 'The fool says in his heart, there is no God.' Thus, if your client says there is no God then, according to the Bible, he is a fool. April Fool's Day is his holiday. Now, get out of my courtroom!"
What did the homeless man get for christmas?
Nothing.
He named the street he built after his wife.
It was very apt, as she was cold, hard, cracked and only got ploughed around Christmas.
What did the man with no hands get for his christmas gift?
Gloves.

Just Joking. He still hasn't opened the gift.
What do snowmen do on Christmas?
Play with the snow angels.
Why are Christmas trees so clean? They know how to spruce things up.
Why are trees a popular Christmas decoration? They look good in boughs.
Why are bad knitters and Christmas trees alike? They both drop their needles.
What did Sherlock Holmes say when he caught the Christmas tree bandit? It was elemen-tree, my dear Watt-son.
What did the Christmas tree tell his crush? I pine for you.
My friend has just won the tallest Christmas tree competition
I thought to myself, 'How can you top that?
To everyone in the Christmas Tree industry
You all do a great job! Stand up and take a bough!
Why can’t a Christmas tree sew? It keeps dropping its needles.
What is bigger than a Christmas tree?
A Christmas four
Finally put up the Christmas tree...
It really spruced up the room.