Christmas

Who do elephants get their Christmas presents from?
Elephanta Claus.
Writing to Baby Jesus
Writing to Baby Jesus A child from a poor family wanted a bike for Christmas, so he asked his mother. His mother replied, "Well, we can't afford one so you'll just have to go ask the baby Jesus.' The boy went to his room, got a stack of refill and a pen and began writing: 'Dear Baby Jesus, I've been good all year, can you please give me a bike for Christmas.' Then he looked at it and thought maybe that wasn't entirely true, so he tried again. 'Dear Baby Jesus, I've been good for the past week, can you please give me a bike for Christmas.' Then he looked at it again and still wasn't sure if that was true, so he tried yet again. 'Dear Baby Jesus, if you give me a bike, I'll be good all year.' But even then that seemed too hard, so he took a walk outside to think about it. As he was walking, he saw his neighbor's statue of Mother Mary. The boy hopped over the fence, tucked it under his shoulder and ran home to hide it. Then wrote his letter again. 'Dear Baby Jesus, if you ever want to see your mother again, give me a bike!'
Why is Christmas the cheesiest holiday? Baby cheeses. (Baby Jesus)
Every Valentines Day, I bring a smile to my wife’s face.
By taking down the Christmas tree.
Atheists Need a Holiday
Atheists Need a Holiday An atheist became incensed over Christmas holiday preparations. He filed a lawsuit about the constant celebrations given to Christians and Jews while atheists had no holiday to celebrate. The case was brought before a judge. After listening to the long, passionate presentation by the atheist's lawyer, the judge banged his gavel and declared, "Case dismissed!" The lawyer immediately stood and objected to the ruling. "Your honor, how can you possibly dismiss this case? The Christians have Christmas, Easter, and many other observances. Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur, and Hanukkah. Yet, my client and all other atheists have no such holiday!" The judge leaned forward in his chair and simply said, "Obviously, your client is too confused to know about, much less celebrate his own atheist holiday!" The lawyer pompously said, "Your honor, we are unaware of any such holiday for atheists. Just when might that holiday be?" The judge replied, "Well, it comes every year on exactly the same date. Psalm 14:1 states, 'The fool says in his heart, there is no God.' Thus, if your client says there is no God then, according to the Bible, he is a fool. April Fool's Day is his holiday. Now, get out of my courtroom!"
Mother: "Sweetie, make a Christmas wish."
Girl: "I wish that Santa will send some clothes to those naked girls in papa's computer."
What is it you can give at Christmas and still keep? Herpes.
What kind of pizza do you order on Christmas?
Cheeses Crust.
What do get if you cross a duck and Santa?
A Christmas Quacker.
What did the bad soccer announcer get for Christmas?
COOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My son's asked for a strange Christmas present this year. It's really cheap though so I don't mind.
I'm not sure why he wants an eggs box though.
Yo Mama so stupid I told her Christmas was around the corner and she went looking for it.
Who gives sharks presents on Christmas?
Santa Jaws.
Yo momma so fat I took a picture of her at Christmas and it's still printing.
What do you get when you cross an apple with a Christmas tree? Pineapple.
“What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.”
Phyllis Diller
What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
It’s Christmas, Eve!