What do you call two days of rain in a row in Seattle? The weekend.
The Sick Mother-In-Law
A man went to the hospital to visit his mother-in-law, who was in serious condition.
On the way back the wife, very worried, asks: "So, honey? How's my mom doing?"
He replies: "She looks great! She is in good health! She will still live for many years! Next week she will be released from the hospital and will come and live with us, forever!"
"Wow that's amazing!" Says the surprised wife - "But this is very strange, dear... yesterday she seemed to be on her deathbed, the doctors said she should have a few days to live!"
"Well, I don't know how she was yesterday," he replied, "but today when I arrived at the hospital, the doctor told me that we should prepare for the worst!"
My sister was anxious to do some landscaping at her new home, but then she called up sounding hopeless. “I don’t think I’ll ever get these trees planted,” she moaned. “It says to plant in full sun, but it’s been cloudy for four days.”
How do you keep a blond busy for 2 days? Give her a piece of paper that has "please turn over" written on both sides.
A blond loses his check book, so he goes to the bank 2 days later to report it. Bank manager: I warned you to be careful with your check book, because anyone can forge your signature. Man: "I'm not a fool. I already signed all the checks so there is no space to forge my signature!"
We are 11 days into self-isolation ands it is really upsetting me to witness my wife standing at the living room window gazing aimlessly into space with tears running down her cheeks. Don’t get me wrong, I empathize with her. I’ve considered letting her in many times, but rules are rules.