Gatekeeper

Joe in Hell
Joe in Hell A man dies and goes to hell. As he approaches the gates he is stopped by the gatekeeper who asks for his name. "Joe." he replies. "Well, joe, I've found your name on the list. There are seven levels in hell, but since your only sin was cheating on a science test in the third grade, you will only be in the first level." "Oh, it won't be that bad then." joe replies. "Joe, that's the hottest level," says the gatekeeper in a pained expression, "because heat rises. You'd know that if you had studied for your test."
3 Nurses Go to Heaven...
3 Nurses Go to Heaven... Three nurses sadly pass away. They rise up into heaven, and there they approach the gatekeeper to plead their case for entering paradise. So the keeper points to the first nurse, who says: "I worked in an emergency room. I treated many people, and always did my best to help. And although sometimes we would lose patients, I still think I deserve to enter." The gatekeeper glances at her file and admits her to heaven. The second nurse then says, "I used to work in the operating room, assisting surgeons. It was a lot of stress, and we lost many people, but I always did my best." The keeper glances at her file and motions her to enter. "And you?" He asks the third nurse. "I was a case manager for an HMO. I worked with thousands of patients." She answers confidently. The gatekeeper takes a long and careful look at her file. He pulls out a calculator and starts entering digits quickly, looking back from time to time at the woman's file. After a few minutes like this, the keeper looks up, smiles at her and says: "Congratulations! You've been admitted to heaven... for five days!"