Remember

What did the man say when his wife asked if he remember to get the coffee with icecream inside it?
“Sorry! Affogato!”
The Old Switcheroo...
The Old Switcheroo... George came home from University in tears. "Mom, am I adopted?" "No of course not!", replied his mother. "Why would you think such a thing?" George showed her his genealogy DNA test results. No match for any of his relatives, and strong matches for a family who lived the other side of the city. Perturbed, his mother called her husband. "Honey, George has done a DNA test, and... and... I don't know how to say this... he may not be our son." "Well, obviously!" he replied. "What do you mean?" she asked. "It was your idea in the first place" her husband said. "You remember, that first night in hospital when the baby did nothing but scream and cry and scream and cry. On and on. And you asked me to change him." "I picked a good one I reckon. Ever so proud of George."
Remember the one about people queuing up for drinks at Old Faithful's birthday party?
You're not missing much; the punch line blows.
As the nurse is making the rounds at the old folks home...
She stops by Carl's room and sees him putting black shoe polish all over his penis. Dismayed, she exclaims "no, no, no Carl, you misunderstood. I said remember to turn your clock back."
Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency? They can't remember the number.
For you men who think a woman's place is in the kitchen, remember... that's where the knives are kept.
Why are women so irritable? Because men are so irritating.
Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet? Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
I can remember where I got married.
I can remember when I got married.
I just can’t remember why.
“As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.”
Sir Norman Wisdom
“A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.”
Graham Norton
Remember to stop and smell the rosé.
Even after a decade or two, I think we will all remember this year forever.
I mean, hindsight is 2020.
Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they can’t remember the words.”
Does anyone remember the joke about the sodium deposits? Na.
Prisoner: "I’m sorry I tried to escape."
Guard: "I’m not mad, just… disappointed."

Remember, kids, never let your guard down.
Remember the one about people queuing up for drinks at Old Faithful's birthday party?
You're not missing much; the punch line blows.