Remember

For you men who think a woman's place is in the kitchen, remember... that's where the knives are kept.
Why are women so irritable? Because men are so irritating.
Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet? Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
Even after a decade or two, I think we will all remember this year forever.
I mean, hindsight is 2020.
Remember the one about people queuing up for drinks at Old Faithful's birthday party?
You're not missing much; the punch line blows.
Prisoner: "I’m sorry I tried to escape."
Guard: "I’m not mad, just… disappointed."

Remember, kids, never let your guard down.
“As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.”
Sir Norman Wisdom
“A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.”
Graham Norton
Does anyone remember the joke about the sodium deposits? Na.
What did the man say when his wife asked if he remember to get the coffee with icecream inside it?
“Sorry! Affogato!”
Remember to stop and smell the rosé.
Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency? They can't remember the number.
Remember the one about people queuing up for drinks at Old Faithful's birthday party?
You're not missing much; the punch line blows.
Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they can’t remember the words.”
As the nurse is making the rounds at the old folks home...
She stops by Carl's room and sees him putting black shoe polish all over his penis. Dismayed, she exclaims "no, no, no Carl, you misunderstood. I said remember to turn your clock back."
I can remember where I got married.
I can remember when I got married.
I just can’t remember why.