“I just want to let you know that if you ever need to have a plant killed, I’m the person for that job.”
— Anonymous
Growth takes time. Be patient. And while you’re waiting, pull a weed.
— Emilie Barnes
“My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.”
– Mitch Hedburg
“Money can’t buy happiness. But it can buy plants, and that’s the same thing.”
— Anonymous
"Gardening requires lots of water - most of it in the form of perspiration."
- Lou Erickson
“Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.”
— Anonymous
“An addiction to gardening is not all bad when you consider all the other choices in life.”
— Cora Lea Bell
“Early to bed, early to rise, work like hell and fertilize!”
— Anonymous
"I always thought a yard was three feet, then I started mowing the lawn."
- C.E. Cowman
"What did the carrot say to the wheat?
Lettuce rest, I'm feeling beet."
- Shel Silverstein
"Even if the farmer intends to loaf, he gets up in time to get an early start."
- E.W. Howe
"I have no plants in my house. They won't live for me. Some of them don't even wait to die, they commit suicide."
- Jerry Seinfeld
“Weeds are nature’s graffiti.”
— Janice Maeditere
“I’m not aging, I just need repotting.”
— Anonymous
"The best way to garden is to put on a wide-brimmed straw hat and some old clothes. And with a hoe in one hand and a cold drink in the other, tell somebody else where to dig."
- Texas Bix Bender, Don't Throw in the Trowel
"Crabgrass can grow on bowling balls in airless rooms, and there is no known way to kill it that does not involve nuclear weapons."
- Dave Barry
A weed is a plant that is not only in the wrong place but intends to stay.”
— Sara Stein
"A man should never plant a garden larger than his wife can take care of."
- T.H. Everett
"What a man needs in gardening is a cast-iron back, with a hinge in it."
- Charles Dudley Warner
"How do you compare apples and oranges?
By their nutritional value."
- Marshall Elizer
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