“The Government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul.”
– George Bernard Shaw
“Intaxication: That nice feeling you get when you receive a tax refund until you realize it was your own money in the first place.”
“People that cheat on their taxes truly disgust me. This is not the world I want to raise my 27 dependents in.”
"Taxes grow without rain."
- Jewish Proverb
“The tax collector must love poor people, he’s creating so many of them.”
– Bill Vaughan
“Government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.”
– Ronald Reagan
"We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle."
- Winston Churchill
"An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt."
- Fred Allen
"Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child: “No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."
[on filing for tax returns] "This is too difficult for a mathematician. It takes a philosopher."
- Albert Einstein
"If cigarette taxes are meant to discourage smoking, wouldn’t income taxes discourage working?"
"The politicians say 'we' can't afford a tax cut. Maybe we can't afford the politicians."
— Steve Forbes
“The trouble with the IRS is that 90% of its members give the rest a bad name.”
"It is a good thing that we do not get as much government as we pay for."
- Will Rogers
“Some taxpayers close their eyes, some stop their ears, some shut their mouths, but all pay through the nose.”
— Evan Esar
“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.”
— Douglas Adams
“The Taxpayer’s prayer: Oh Mighty Internal Revenue Service, who turneth the labor of man to ashes, we thank thee for the multitude of thy forms which thou hast set before us and for the infinite confusion of thy commandments, which mulitplyth the fortunes of lawyer and accountant alike.”
— Russell Baker
“For every tax problem, there is a solution which is straightforward, uncomplicated-and wrong.”
“It's easy to find out who is going to become a tax collector. In the nursery, give all the kids lemons. The one who squeezes it dry is going to work for the IRS.”
"The income tax created more criminals than any other single act of government."
- Barry Goldwater
“When there’s a single thief, it’s robbery. When there are a thousand thieves, it’s taxation.”
– Vanya Cohen
"There is no income tax in Russia. But there's no income."
— Will Rogers
“I love America, but I can’t spend the whole year here. I can’t afford the taxes.”
— Mick Jagger
"A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong."
— Mark Twain
"A tax cut to compensate for a tax increase is not a cut — it's a con."
— Tony Abbott
"Our party has been accused of fooling the public by calling tax increases 'revenue enhancement'. Not so. No one was fooled."
— Dan Quayle
“The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream”
– Bill Murray
“I figured out why Uncle Sam wears such a tall hat. It comes in handy when he passes it around.”
— Soupy Sales
"Congress can raise taxes because it can persuade a sizable fraction of the populace that somebody else will pay."
- Milton Friedman
"The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to obtain the largest amount of feathers with the least amount of hissing."
- Jean-Baptiste Colbert
"The difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion is the thickness of a prison wall."
– Denis Healey
"Then there was the man who declared in court, he wasn't a person. "Excuse me, sir, why haven't you paid your taxes." "Well, as you can clearly see, I am not a person." "Well, you look like a person." "No it's all done with mirrors, trust me!"
- Lewis Black
“The best things in life are free, but sooner or later the government will find a way to tax them.”
“Tax day is the day that ordinary Americans send their money to Washington, D.C., and wealthy Americans send their money to the Cayman Islands.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
"Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today."
- Herman Wouk
"The term “tax humor” is no doubt an oxymoron to many people; to the more cynical, it is an apt description of the entire tax code."
— John F. Lekel
“If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad, he should see how bad it is with representation.”
– Farmer’s Almanac
"Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid what's called a red flag. That's something the IRS always looks for. For example, say you have some money left in your bank account after paying taxes. That's a red flag."
― Jay Leno
“Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?”
– Peg Bracken
"Every culture has some ritual for joining two people together and making them stay that way, and ours is giving tax breaks."
- Bauvard
“On my income tax 1040 it says “Check this box if you are blind.” I wanted to put a check-mark about three inches away.”
– Tom Lehrer
"You don't pay taxes ― they take taxes."
― Chris Rock
"Death, taxes, and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them."
― Margaret Mitchell
“Trying to do your own taxes is like a do-it-yourself mugging.”
“When it comes to taxes, there are two types of people. There are those that get it done early, also known as ‘psychopaths’, and then the rest of us.”
– Jimmy Kimmel