"The term “tax humor” is no doubt an oxymoron to many people; to the more cynical, it is an apt description of the entire tax code."
— John F. Lekel
"A tax cut to compensate for a tax increase is not a cut — it's a con."
— Tony Abbott
"I am proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is I could be just as proud for half of the money."
- Arthur Godfrey
"Congress can raise taxes because it can persuade a sizable fraction of the populace that somebody else will pay."
- Milton Friedman
"Then there was the man who declared in court, he wasn't a person. "Excuse me, sir, why haven't you paid your taxes." "Well, as you can clearly see, I am not a person." "Well, you look like a person." "No it's all done with mirrors, trust me!"
- Lewis Black
“Children may be deductible, but they are still taxing.”
"A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong."
— Mark Twain
“They can't collect legal taxes from illegal money."
— Al Capone
"Our party has been accused of fooling the public by calling tax increases 'revenue enhancement'. Not so. No one was fooled."
— Dan Quayle
"Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today."
- Herman Wouk
“People that cheat on their taxes truly disgust me. This is not the world I want to raise my 27 dependents in.”
“The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream”
– Bill Murray
"Taxes grow without rain."
- Jewish Proverb
"Instead of taking the pants off the taxpayer it might be better to take the vest off the vested interests."
— Mark Twain
"The difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion is the thickness of a prison wall."
– Denis Healey
“The trouble with the IRS is that 90% of its members give the rest a bad name.”
“The Government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul.”
– George Bernard Shaw
"The only thing that hurts more than paying an income tax is not having to pay an income tax."
— Thomas Dewar
"We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle."
- Winston Churchill
"Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even."
- Will Rogers
"The income tax created more criminals than any other single act of government."
- Barry Goldwater
"Most entrepreneurs would rather have root canal surgery without anesthesia than go through the nightmare that is tax return preparation."
— Nina Kaufman
“I put all my money into taxes. They’re the only thing that’s sure to go up!”
"A survey says that American workers work the first three hours every day just to pay their taxes. So that's why we can't get anything done in the morning: We're government workers."
— Jay Leno
“The U.S. Senate is considering a bill that would tax Botox. When Botox users heard this, they were horrified. Well, I think they were horrified. It’s difficult to tell.”
— Craig Ferguson
"The politicians say 'we' can't afford a tax cut. Maybe we can't afford the politicians."
— Steve Forbes
“The tax collector must love poor people, he’s creating so many of them.”
– Bill Vaughan
"The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin."
- Mark Twain
"There is no income tax in Russia. But there's no income."
— Will Rogers
“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.”
— Douglas Adams
“If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad, he should see how bad it is with representation.”
– Farmer’s Almanac
[on filing for tax returns] "This is too difficult for a mathematician. It takes a philosopher."
- Albert Einstein
“Intaxication: That nice feeling you get when you receive a tax refund until you realize it was your own money in the first place.”
“Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?”
– Peg Bracken
"Isn't it appropriate that the month of the tax begins with April Fool's Day and ends with cries of 'May Day!'?"
- Rob Knauerhase
“I figured out why Uncle Sam wears such a tall hat. It comes in handy when he passes it around.”
— Soupy Sales
"The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has."
- Will Rogers
“The best things in life are free, but sooner or later the government will find a way to tax them.”
"There can be no taxation without misrepresentation."
— J.B. Handelsman
“How many God-fearing, tax-paying, law-abiding men in Las Vegas does it take to light a bonfire? Both of them.”
“Some taxpayers close their eyes, some stop their ears, some shut their mouths, but all pay through the nose.”
— Evan Esar
"The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax."
- Albert Einstein
“I love America, but I can’t spend the whole year here. I can’t afford the taxes.”
— Mick Jagger
"The difference between death and taxes is death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets."
- Will Rogers
“On my income tax 1040 it says “Check this box if you are blind.” I wanted to put a check-mark about three inches away.”
– Tom Lehrer
"You know, gentlemen, that I do not owe any personal income tax. But nevertheless, I send a small check, now and then, to the Internal Revenue Service out of the kindness of my heart."
— David Rockefeller
“Trying to do your own taxes is like a do-it-yourself mugging.”
"If you don’t drink, smoke, or drive a car, you’re a tax evader."
– Thomas S Foley
“For every tax problem, there is a solution which is straightforward, uncomplicated-and wrong.”
"Death, taxes, and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them."
― Margaret Mitchell