“If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad, he should see how bad it is with representation.”
– Farmer’s Almanac
“When it comes to taxes, there are two types of people. There are those that get it done early, also known as ‘psychopaths’, and then the rest of us.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
"The taxpayer: that's someone who works for the federal government, but doesn't have to take a civil service examination."
- Ronald Reagan
"You don't pay taxes ― they take taxes."
― Chris Rock
“The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream”
– Bill Murray
"Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even."
- Will Rogers
"Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child: “No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."
"The difference between death and taxes is death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets."
- Will Rogers
“The Taxpayer’s prayer: Oh Mighty Internal Revenue Service, who turneth the labor of man to ashes, we thank thee for the multitude of thy forms which thou hast set before us and for the infinite confusion of thy commandments, which mulitplyth the fortunes of lawyer and accountant alike.”
— Russell Baker
"It is a good thing that we do not get as much government as we pay for."
- Will Rogers
“Tax day is the day that ordinary Americans send their money to Washington, D.C., and wealthy Americans send their money to the Cayman Islands.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
"The term “tax humor” is no doubt an oxymoron to many people; to the more cynical, it is an apt description of the entire tax code."
— John F. Lekel
"I firmly believe the death tax is good for people from all walks of life all throughout our society."
— George W. Bush
“People that cheat on their taxes truly disgust me. This is not the world I want to raise my 27 dependents in.”
“I put all my money into taxes. They’re the only thing that’s sure to go up!”
“Trying to do your own taxes is like a do-it-yourself mugging.”
“Some taxpayers close their eyes, some stop their ears, some shut their mouths, but all pay through the nose.”
— Evan Esar
"I guess I think of lotteries as a tax on the mathematically challenged."
- Roger Jones
"A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong."
— Mark Twain
“The U.S. Senate is considering a bill that would tax Botox. When Botox users heard this, they were horrified. Well, I think they were horrified. It’s difficult to tell.”
— Craig Ferguson
"Most entrepreneurs would rather have root canal surgery without anesthesia than go through the nightmare that is tax return preparation."
— Nina Kaufman
"The difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion is the thickness of a prison wall."
– Denis Healey
“Children may be deductible, but they are still taxing.”
"There can be no taxation without misrepresentation."
— J.B. Handelsman
"The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has."
- Will Rogers
"Our party has been accused of fooling the public by calling tax increases 'revenue enhancement'. Not so. No one was fooled."
— Dan Quayle
“They can't collect legal taxes from illegal money."
— Al Capone
"A person doesn't know how much he has to be thankful for until he has to pay taxes on it."
- Ann Landers
“I figured out why Uncle Sam wears such a tall hat. It comes in handy when he passes it around.”
— Soupy Sales
"Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid what's called a red flag. That's something the IRS always looks for. For example, say you have some money left in your bank account after paying taxes. That's a red flag."
― Jay Leno
"The income tax created more criminals than any other single act of government."
- Barry Goldwater
“When there’s a single thief, it’s robbery. When there are a thousand thieves, it’s taxation.”
– Vanya Cohen
"Then there was the man who declared in court, he wasn't a person. "Excuse me, sir, why haven't you paid your taxes." "Well, as you can clearly see, I am not a person." "Well, you look like a person." "No it's all done with mirrors, trust me!"
- Lewis Black
“On my income tax 1040 it says “Check this box if you are blind.” I wanted to put a check-mark about three inches away.”
– Tom Lehrer
"A survey says that American workers work the first three hours every day just to pay their taxes. So that's why we can't get anything done in the morning: We're government workers."
— Jay Leno
"The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax."
- Albert Einstein
“For every tax problem, there is a solution which is straightforward, uncomplicated-and wrong.”
“The trouble with the IRS is that 90% of its members give the rest a bad name.”
"If cigarette taxes are meant to discourage smoking, wouldn’t income taxes discourage working?"
"An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt."
- Fred Allen
"A tax cut to compensate for a tax increase is not a cut — it's a con."
— Tony Abbott
"You know, gentlemen, that I do not owe any personal income tax. But nevertheless, I send a small check, now and then, to the Internal Revenue Service out of the kindness of my heart."
— David Rockefeller
“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.”
— Douglas Adams
"Taxes grow without rain."
- Jewish Proverb
"Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss."
- Robert A. Heinlein