"There is no income tax in Russia. But there's no income."
— Will Rogers
“If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad, he should see how bad it is with representation.”
– Farmer’s Almanac
"A tax cut to compensate for a tax increase is not a cut — it's a con."
— Tony Abbott
"Every culture has some ritual for joining two people together and making them stay that way, and ours is giving tax breaks."
- Bauvard
"An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt."
- Fred Allen
“I figured out why Uncle Sam wears such a tall hat. It comes in handy when he passes it around.”
— Soupy Sales
"Death, taxes, and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them."
― Margaret Mitchell
"The taxpayer: that's someone who works for the federal government, but doesn't have to take a civil service examination."
- Ronald Reagan
"The only thing that hurts more than paying an income tax is not having to pay an income tax."
— Thomas Dewar
"Then there was the man who declared in court, he wasn't a person. "Excuse me, sir, why haven't you paid your taxes." "Well, as you can clearly see, I am not a person." "Well, you look like a person." "No it's all done with mirrors, trust me!"
- Lewis Black
“The Taxpayer’s prayer: Oh Mighty Internal Revenue Service, who turneth the labor of man to ashes, we thank thee for the multitude of thy forms which thou hast set before us and for the infinite confusion of thy commandments, which mulitplyth the fortunes of lawyer and accountant alike.”
— Russell Baker
“I put all my money into taxes. They’re the only thing that’s sure to go up!”
"Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even."
- Will Rogers
"There can be no taxation without misrepresentation."
— J.B. Handelsman
"It is a good thing that we do not get as much government as we pay for."
- Will Rogers
“The Government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul.”
– George Bernard Shaw
"The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin."
- Mark Twain
"You know, gentlemen, that I do not owe any personal income tax. But nevertheless, I send a small check, now and then, to the Internal Revenue Service out of the kindness of my heart."
— David Rockefeller
"There is no worse tyranny than to force a man to pay for what he does not want merely because you think it would be good for him."
- Robert A. Heinlein
“Some taxpayers close their eyes, some stop their ears, some shut their mouths, but all pay through the nose.”
— Evan Esar
“Children may be deductible, but they are still taxing.”
“Tax day is the day that ordinary Americans send their money to Washington, D.C., and wealthy Americans send their money to the Cayman Islands.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
"It's income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta."
— Dave Barry
"If cigarette taxes are meant to discourage smoking, wouldn’t income taxes discourage working?"
"Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss."
- Robert A. Heinlein
“Intaxication: That nice feeling you get when you receive a tax refund until you realize it was your own money in the first place.”
“It's easy to find out who is going to become a tax collector. In the nursery, give all the kids lemons. The one who squeezes it dry is going to work for the IRS.”
“Government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.”
– Ronald Reagan
"I firmly believe the death tax is good for people from all walks of life all throughout our society."
— George W. Bush
"The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to obtain the largest amount of feathers with the least amount of hissing."
- Jean-Baptiste Colbert
"Isn't it appropriate that the month of the tax begins with April Fool's Day and ends with cries of 'May Day!'?"
- Rob Knauerhase
“How many God-fearing, tax-paying, law-abiding men in Las Vegas does it take to light a bonfire? Both of them.”
“The best things in life are free, but sooner or later the government will find a way to tax them.”
“On my income tax 1040 it says “Check this box if you are blind.” I wanted to put a check-mark about three inches away.”
– Tom Lehrer
"Taxes grow without rain."
- Jewish Proverb
"Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today."
- Herman Wouk
“The tax collector must love poor people, he’s creating so many of them.”
– Bill Vaughan
"The difference between death and taxes is death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets."
- Will Rogers
“When there’s a single thief, it’s robbery. When there are a thousand thieves, it’s taxation.”
– Vanya Cohen
“Trying to do your own taxes is like a do-it-yourself mugging.”
“For every tax problem, there is a solution which is straightforward, uncomplicated-and wrong.”
"The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax."
- Albert Einstein
“The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream”
– Bill Murray
“The U.S. Senate is considering a bill that would tax Botox. When Botox users heard this, they were horrified. Well, I think they were horrified. It’s difficult to tell.”
— Craig Ferguson
"We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle."
- Winston Churchill