“Tax day is the day that ordinary Americans send their money to Washington, D.C., and wealthy Americans send their money to the Cayman Islands.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
"I am proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is I could be just as proud for half of the money."
- Arthur Godfrey
“The Taxpayer’s prayer: Oh Mighty Internal Revenue Service, who turneth the labor of man to ashes, we thank thee for the multitude of thy forms which thou hast set before us and for the infinite confusion of thy commandments, which mulitplyth the fortunes of lawyer and accountant alike.”
— Russell Baker
"I guess I think of lotteries as a tax on the mathematically challenged."
- Roger Jones
"Our party has been accused of fooling the public by calling tax increases 'revenue enhancement'. Not so. No one was fooled."
— Dan Quayle
"The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to obtain the largest amount of feathers with the least amount of hissing."
- Jean-Baptiste Colbert
"The taxpayer: that's someone who works for the federal government, but doesn't have to take a civil service examination."
- Ronald Reagan
"The income tax created more criminals than any other single act of government."
- Barry Goldwater
“I figured out why Uncle Sam wears such a tall hat. It comes in handy when he passes it around.”
— Soupy Sales
"The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has."
- Will Rogers
“When there’s a single thief, it’s robbery. When there are a thousand thieves, it’s taxation.”
– Vanya Cohen
“On my income tax 1040 it says “Check this box if you are blind.” I wanted to put a check-mark about three inches away.”
– Tom Lehrer
"An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt."
- Fred Allen
"I firmly believe the death tax is good for people from all walks of life all throughout our society."
— George W. Bush
"A tax cut to compensate for a tax increase is not a cut — it's a con."
— Tony Abbott
“The U.S. Senate is considering a bill that would tax Botox. When Botox users heard this, they were horrified. Well, I think they were horrified. It’s difficult to tell.”
— Craig Ferguson
“It's easy to find out who is going to become a tax collector. In the nursery, give all the kids lemons. The one who squeezes it dry is going to work for the IRS.”
“The tax collector must love poor people, he’s creating so many of them.”
– Bill Vaughan
“Children may be deductible, but they are still taxing.”
"Taxes grow without rain."
- Jewish Proverb
"The difference between death and taxes is death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets."
- Will Rogers
"Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today."
- Herman Wouk
“They can't collect legal taxes from illegal money."
— Al Capone
"There can be no taxation without misrepresentation."
— J.B. Handelsman
“The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream”
– Bill Murray
"Isn't it appropriate that the month of the tax begins with April Fool's Day and ends with cries of 'May Day!'?"
- Rob Knauerhase
“The trouble with the IRS is that 90% of its members give the rest a bad name.”
"A person doesn't know how much he has to be thankful for until he has to pay taxes on it."
- Ann Landers
"Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid what's called a red flag. That's something the IRS always looks for. For example, say you have some money left in your bank account after paying taxes. That's a red flag."
― Jay Leno
"A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong."
— Mark Twain
"A survey says that American workers work the first three hours every day just to pay their taxes. So that's why we can't get anything done in the morning: We're government workers."
— Jay Leno
"Congress can raise taxes because it can persuade a sizable fraction of the populace that somebody else will pay."
- Milton Friedman
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?”
– Milton Berle
"The term “tax humor” is no doubt an oxymoron to many people; to the more cynical, it is an apt description of the entire tax code."
— John F. Lekel
"Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even."
- Will Rogers
“If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad, he should see how bad it is with representation.”
– Farmer’s Almanac
“The Government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul.”
– George Bernard Shaw
"If cigarette taxes are meant to discourage smoking, wouldn’t income taxes discourage working?"
"Every culture has some ritual for joining two people together and making them stay that way, and ours is giving tax breaks."
- Bauvard
"Death, taxes, and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them."
― Margaret Mitchell
“I love America, but I can’t spend the whole year here. I can’t afford the taxes.”
— Mick Jagger
"The only thing that hurts more than paying an income tax is not having to pay an income tax."
— Thomas Dewar
"There is no worse tyranny than to force a man to pay for what he does not want merely because you think it would be good for him."
- Robert A. Heinlein
"The politicians say 'we' can't afford a tax cut. Maybe we can't afford the politicians."
— Steve Forbes
"If you don’t drink, smoke, or drive a car, you’re a tax evader."
– Thomas S Foley