“Some taxpayers close their eyes, some stop their ears, some shut their mouths, but all pay through the nose.”
— Evan Esar
“The trouble with the IRS is that 90% of its members give the rest a bad name.”
"The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin."
- Mark Twain
"The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax."
- Albert Einstein
“On my income tax 1040 it says “Check this box if you are blind.” I wanted to put a check-mark about three inches away.”
– Tom Lehrer
“People that cheat on their taxes truly disgust me. This is not the world I want to raise my 27 dependents in.”
“Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?”
– Peg Bracken
“I figured out why Uncle Sam wears such a tall hat. It comes in handy when he passes it around.”
— Soupy Sales
“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.”
— Douglas Adams
"A tax cut to compensate for a tax increase is not a cut — it's a con."
— Tony Abbott
"Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even."
- Will Rogers
“The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream”
– Bill Murray
"A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong."
— Mark Twain
"Congress can raise taxes because it can persuade a sizable fraction of the populace that somebody else will pay."
- Milton Friedman
"If cigarette taxes are meant to discourage smoking, wouldn’t income taxes discourage working?"
“If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad, he should see how bad it is with representation.”
– Farmer’s Almanac
"It is a good thing that we do not get as much government as we pay for."
- Will Rogers
"Every culture has some ritual for joining two people together and making them stay that way, and ours is giving tax breaks."
- Bauvard
"The difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion is the thickness of a prison wall."
– Denis Healey
"The only thing that hurts more than paying an income tax is not having to pay an income tax."
— Thomas Dewar
"Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child: “No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."
"I am proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is I could be just as proud for half of the money."
- Arthur Godfrey
“The Taxpayer’s prayer: Oh Mighty Internal Revenue Service, who turneth the labor of man to ashes, we thank thee for the multitude of thy forms which thou hast set before us and for the infinite confusion of thy commandments, which mulitplyth the fortunes of lawyer and accountant alike.”
— Russell Baker
“They can't collect legal taxes from illegal money."
— Al Capone
"The term “tax humor” is no doubt an oxymoron to many people; to the more cynical, it is an apt description of the entire tax code."
— John F. Lekel
"An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt."
- Fred Allen
“The tax collector must love poor people, he’s creating so many of them.”
– Bill Vaughan
“Children may be deductible, but they are still taxing.”
"The difference between death and taxes is death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets."
- Will Rogers
"I guess I think of lotteries as a tax on the mathematically challenged."
- Roger Jones
"I firmly believe the death tax is good for people from all walks of life all throughout our society."
— George W. Bush
"A survey says that American workers work the first three hours every day just to pay their taxes. So that's why we can't get anything done in the morning: We're government workers."
— Jay Leno
“How many God-fearing, tax-paying, law-abiding men in Las Vegas does it take to light a bonfire? Both of them.”
"Day in and day out, your tax accountant can make or lose more money than any single person in your life with the possible exception of your kids."
― Harvey Mackay
“Tax day is the day that ordinary Americans send their money to Washington, D.C., and wealthy Americans send their money to the Cayman Islands.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
"It's income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta."
— Dave Barry
"The taxpayer: that's someone who works for the federal government, but doesn't have to take a civil service examination."
- Ronald Reagan
“It's easy to find out who is going to become a tax collector. In the nursery, give all the kids lemons. The one who squeezes it dry is going to work for the IRS.”
"America is a land of taxation that was founded to avoid taxation."
- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
"You don't pay taxes ― they take taxes."
― Chris Rock
"There is no income tax in Russia. But there's no income."
— Will Rogers
“When there’s a single thief, it’s robbery. When there are a thousand thieves, it’s taxation.”
– Vanya Cohen
"Our party has been accused of fooling the public by calling tax increases 'revenue enhancement'. Not so. No one was fooled."
— Dan Quayle
"Instead of taking the pants off the taxpayer it might be better to take the vest off the vested interests."
— Mark Twain
"We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle."
- Winston Churchill