"A person doesn't know how much he has to be thankful for until he has to pay taxes on it."
- Ann Landers
"If you don’t drink, smoke, or drive a car, you’re a tax evader."
– Thomas S Foley
“The U.S. Senate is considering a bill that would tax Botox. When Botox users heard this, they were horrified. Well, I think they were horrified. It’s difficult to tell.”
— Craig Ferguson
“Tax day is the day that ordinary Americans send their money to Washington, D.C., and wealthy Americans send their money to the Cayman Islands.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
“Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?”
– Peg Bracken
“The Government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul.”
– George Bernard Shaw
“I figured out why Uncle Sam wears such a tall hat. It comes in handy when he passes it around.”
— Soupy Sales
"The politicians say 'we' can't afford a tax cut. Maybe we can't afford the politicians."
— Steve Forbes
"Our party has been accused of fooling the public by calling tax increases 'revenue enhancement'. Not so. No one was fooled."
— Dan Quayle
“How many God-fearing, tax-paying, law-abiding men in Las Vegas does it take to light a bonfire? Both of them.”
"The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin."
- Mark Twain
"It is a good thing that we do not get as much government as we pay for."
- Will Rogers
“The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream”
– Bill Murray
"The term “tax humor” is no doubt an oxymoron to many people; to the more cynical, it is an apt description of the entire tax code."
— John F. Lekel
"A survey says that American workers work the first three hours every day just to pay their taxes. So that's why we can't get anything done in the morning: We're government workers."
— Jay Leno
“When it comes to taxes, there are two types of people. There are those that get it done early, also known as ‘psychopaths’, and then the rest of us.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
"I am proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is I could be just as proud for half of the money."
- Arthur Godfrey
“I love America, but I can’t spend the whole year here. I can’t afford the taxes.”
— Mick Jagger
"The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to obtain the largest amount of feathers with the least amount of hissing."
- Jean-Baptiste Colbert
"You don't pay taxes ― they take taxes."
― Chris Rock
"The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax."
- Albert Einstein
"If cigarette taxes are meant to discourage smoking, wouldn’t income taxes discourage working?"
"America is a land of taxation that was founded to avoid taxation."
- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
"Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today."
- Herman Wouk
"Most entrepreneurs would rather have root canal surgery without anesthesia than go through the nightmare that is tax return preparation."
— Nina Kaufman
"Taxes grow without rain."
- Jewish Proverb
“The Taxpayer’s prayer: Oh Mighty Internal Revenue Service, who turneth the labor of man to ashes, we thank thee for the multitude of thy forms which thou hast set before us and for the infinite confusion of thy commandments, which mulitplyth the fortunes of lawyer and accountant alike.”
— Russell Baker
"I firmly believe the death tax is good for people from all walks of life all throughout our society."
— George W. Bush
"The only thing that hurts more than paying an income tax is not having to pay an income tax."
— Thomas Dewar
“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.”
— Douglas Adams
"Every culture has some ritual for joining two people together and making them stay that way, and ours is giving tax breaks."
- Bauvard
"We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle."
- Winston Churchill
"Death, taxes, and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them."
― Margaret Mitchell
"Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child: “No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."
"There is no income tax in Russia. But there's no income."
— Will Rogers
"Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even."
- Will Rogers
“Trying to do your own taxes is like a do-it-yourself mugging.”
"I guess I think of lotteries as a tax on the mathematically challenged."
- Roger Jones
“People that cheat on their taxes truly disgust me. This is not the world I want to raise my 27 dependents in.”
"Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss."
- Robert A. Heinlein
“For every tax problem, there is a solution which is straightforward, uncomplicated-and wrong.”
“When there’s a single thief, it’s robbery. When there are a thousand thieves, it’s taxation.”
– Vanya Cohen
“The tax collector must love poor people, he’s creating so many of them.”
– Bill Vaughan
"Isn't it appropriate that the month of the tax begins with April Fool's Day and ends with cries of 'May Day!'?"
- Rob Knauerhase
"Day in and day out, your tax accountant can make or lose more money than any single person in your life with the possible exception of your kids."
― Harvey Mackay