"Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even."
- Will Rogers
"A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong."
— Mark Twain
"The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax."
- Albert Einstein
"Every culture has some ritual for joining two people together and making them stay that way, and ours is giving tax breaks."
- Bauvard
"Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid what's called a red flag. That's something the IRS always looks for. For example, say you have some money left in your bank account after paying taxes. That's a red flag."
― Jay Leno
"Our party has been accused of fooling the public by calling tax increases 'revenue enhancement'. Not so. No one was fooled."
— Dan Quayle
“When it comes to taxes, there are two types of people. There are those that get it done early, also known as ‘psychopaths’, and then the rest of us.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
“The U.S. Senate is considering a bill that would tax Botox. When Botox users heard this, they were horrified. Well, I think they were horrified. It’s difficult to tell.”
— Craig Ferguson
"Then there was the man who declared in court, he wasn't a person. "Excuse me, sir, why haven't you paid your taxes." "Well, as you can clearly see, I am not a person." "Well, you look like a person." "No it's all done with mirrors, trust me!"
- Lewis Black
"Day in and day out, your tax accountant can make or lose more money than any single person in your life with the possible exception of your kids."
― Harvey Mackay
“When there’s a single thief, it’s robbery. When there are a thousand thieves, it’s taxation.”
– Vanya Cohen
“Tax day is the day that ordinary Americans send their money to Washington, D.C., and wealthy Americans send their money to the Cayman Islands.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
“Intaxication: That nice feeling you get when you receive a tax refund until you realize it was your own money in the first place.”
"The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has."
- Will Rogers
“It's easy to find out who is going to become a tax collector. In the nursery, give all the kids lemons. The one who squeezes it dry is going to work for the IRS.”
“They can't collect legal taxes from illegal money."
— Al Capone
"A tax cut to compensate for a tax increase is not a cut — it's a con."
— Tony Abbott
“Some taxpayers close their eyes, some stop their ears, some shut their mouths, but all pay through the nose.”
— Evan Esar
“Government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.”
– Ronald Reagan
“If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad, he should see how bad it is with representation.”
– Farmer’s Almanac
"A person doesn't know how much he has to be thankful for until he has to pay taxes on it."
- Ann Landers
"The politicians say 'we' can't afford a tax cut. Maybe we can't afford the politicians."
— Steve Forbes
"Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child: “No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."
"I am proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is I could be just as proud for half of the money."
- Arthur Godfrey
"Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss."
- Robert A. Heinlein
"You know, gentlemen, that I do not owe any personal income tax. But nevertheless, I send a small check, now and then, to the Internal Revenue Service out of the kindness of my heart."
— David Rockefeller
"Congress can raise taxes because it can persuade a sizable fraction of the populace that somebody else will pay."
- Milton Friedman
"The only thing that hurts more than paying an income tax is not having to pay an income tax."
— Thomas Dewar
"Most entrepreneurs would rather have root canal surgery without anesthesia than go through the nightmare that is tax return preparation."
— Nina Kaufman
“Trying to do your own taxes is like a do-it-yourself mugging.”
"The taxpayer: that's someone who works for the federal government, but doesn't have to take a civil service examination."
- Ronald Reagan
"The difference between death and taxes is death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets."
- Will Rogers
“The tax collector must love poor people, he’s creating so many of them.”
– Bill Vaughan
“I put all my money into taxes. They’re the only thing that’s sure to go up!”
“I figured out why Uncle Sam wears such a tall hat. It comes in handy when he passes it around.”
— Soupy Sales
"The difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion is the thickness of a prison wall."
– Denis Healey
“Children may be deductible, but they are still taxing.”
“The trouble with the IRS is that 90% of its members give the rest a bad name.”
"I guess I think of lotteries as a tax on the mathematically challenged."
- Roger Jones
"The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to obtain the largest amount of feathers with the least amount of hissing."
- Jean-Baptiste Colbert
"Taxes grow without rain."
- Jewish Proverb
"Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today."
- Herman Wouk
"America is a land of taxation that was founded to avoid taxation."
- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
"There is no worse tyranny than to force a man to pay for what he does not want merely because you think it would be good for him."
- Robert A. Heinlein
“On my income tax 1040 it says “Check this box if you are blind.” I wanted to put a check-mark about three inches away.”
– Tom Lehrer