“It's easy to find out who is going to become a tax collector. In the nursery, give all the kids lemons. The one who squeezes it dry is going to work for the IRS.”
"Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss."
- Robert A. Heinlein
“Children may be deductible, but they are still taxing.”
“The Government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul.”
– George Bernard Shaw
“Some taxpayers close their eyes, some stop their ears, some shut their mouths, but all pay through the nose.”
— Evan Esar
"The only thing that hurts more than paying an income tax is not having to pay an income tax."
— Thomas Dewar
"Congress can raise taxes because it can persuade a sizable fraction of the populace that somebody else will pay."
- Milton Friedman
“When there’s a single thief, it’s robbery. When there are a thousand thieves, it’s taxation.”
– Vanya Cohen
"You know, gentlemen, that I do not owe any personal income tax. But nevertheless, I send a small check, now and then, to the Internal Revenue Service out of the kindness of my heart."
— David Rockefeller
“How many God-fearing, tax-paying, law-abiding men in Las Vegas does it take to light a bonfire? Both of them.”
“I put all my money into taxes. They’re the only thing that’s sure to go up!”
"You don't pay taxes ― they take taxes."
― Chris Rock
"Every culture has some ritual for joining two people together and making them stay that way, and ours is giving tax breaks."
- Bauvard
“I love America, but I can’t spend the whole year here. I can’t afford the taxes.”
— Mick Jagger
"Most entrepreneurs would rather have root canal surgery without anesthesia than go through the nightmare that is tax return preparation."
— Nina Kaufman
"The difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion is the thickness of a prison wall."
– Denis Healey
"Death, taxes, and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them."
― Margaret Mitchell
"It's income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta."
— Dave Barry
“Intaxication: That nice feeling you get when you receive a tax refund until you realize it was your own money in the first place.”
"Isn't it appropriate that the month of the tax begins with April Fool's Day and ends with cries of 'May Day!'?"
- Rob Knauerhase
“For every tax problem, there is a solution which is straightforward, uncomplicated-and wrong.”
“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.”
— Douglas Adams
“The tax collector must love poor people, he’s creating so many of them.”
– Bill Vaughan
“Trying to do your own taxes is like a do-it-yourself mugging.”
"Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child: “No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."
"If cigarette taxes are meant to discourage smoking, wouldn’t income taxes discourage working?"
"Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages."
- H. L. Mencken
"I am proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is I could be just as proud for half of the money."
- Arthur Godfrey
“When it comes to taxes, there are two types of people. There are those that get it done early, also known as ‘psychopaths’, and then the rest of us.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
"America is a land of taxation that was founded to avoid taxation."
- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
"Our party has been accused of fooling the public by calling tax increases 'revenue enhancement'. Not so. No one was fooled."
— Dan Quayle
"Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid what's called a red flag. That's something the IRS always looks for. For example, say you have some money left in your bank account after paying taxes. That's a red flag."
― Jay Leno
"A person doesn't know how much he has to be thankful for until he has to pay taxes on it."
- Ann Landers
"A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong."
— Mark Twain
"There can be no taxation without misrepresentation."
— J.B. Handelsman
“Government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.”
– Ronald Reagan
"The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax."
- Albert Einstein
"If you don’t drink, smoke, or drive a car, you’re a tax evader."
– Thomas S Foley
“The U.S. Senate is considering a bill that would tax Botox. When Botox users heard this, they were horrified. Well, I think they were horrified. It’s difficult to tell.”
— Craig Ferguson
“The trouble with the IRS is that 90% of its members give the rest a bad name.”
“People that cheat on their taxes truly disgust me. This is not the world I want to raise my 27 dependents in.”
"There is no income tax in Russia. But there's no income."
— Will Rogers
"Then there was the man who declared in court, he wasn't a person. "Excuse me, sir, why haven't you paid your taxes." "Well, as you can clearly see, I am not a person." "Well, you look like a person." "No it's all done with mirrors, trust me!"
- Lewis Black
“The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream”
– Bill Murray
“If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad, he should see how bad it is with representation.”
– Farmer’s Almanac