"The politicians say 'we' can't afford a tax cut. Maybe we can't afford the politicians."
— Steve Forbes
"There is no income tax in Russia. But there's no income."
— Will Rogers
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?”
– Milton Berle
“I put all my money into taxes. They’re the only thing that’s sure to go up!”
“When it comes to taxes, there are two types of people. There are those that get it done early, also known as ‘psychopaths’, and then the rest of us.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
“When there’s a single thief, it’s robbery. When there are a thousand thieves, it’s taxation.”
– Vanya Cohen
"If you don’t drink, smoke, or drive a car, you’re a tax evader."
– Thomas S Foley
"Most entrepreneurs would rather have root canal surgery without anesthesia than go through the nightmare that is tax return preparation."
— Nina Kaufman
"You don't pay taxes ― they take taxes."
― Chris Rock
"A survey says that American workers work the first three hours every day just to pay their taxes. So that's why we can't get anything done in the morning: We're government workers."
— Jay Leno
"Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages."
- H. L. Mencken
"Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today."
- Herman Wouk
"Every culture has some ritual for joining two people together and making them stay that way, and ours is giving tax breaks."
- Bauvard
"Then there was the man who declared in court, he wasn't a person. "Excuse me, sir, why haven't you paid your taxes." "Well, as you can clearly see, I am not a person." "Well, you look like a person." "No it's all done with mirrors, trust me!"
- Lewis Black
“Some taxpayers close their eyes, some stop their ears, some shut their mouths, but all pay through the nose.”
— Evan Esar