"The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to obtain the largest amount of feathers with the least amount of hissing."
- Jean-Baptiste Colbert
“The trouble with the IRS is that 90% of its members give the rest a bad name.”
“The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream”
– Bill Murray
"Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages."
- H. L. Mencken
“Trying to do your own taxes is like a do-it-yourself mugging.”
“On my income tax 1040 it says “Check this box if you are blind.” I wanted to put a check-mark about three inches away.”
– Tom Lehrer
"If you don’t drink, smoke, or drive a car, you’re a tax evader."
– Thomas S Foley
"The difference between death and taxes is death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets."
- Will Rogers
"Our party has been accused of fooling the public by calling tax increases 'revenue enhancement'. Not so. No one was fooled."
— Dan Quayle
"The difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion is the thickness of a prison wall."
– Denis Healey
"Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss."
- Robert A. Heinlein
"The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin."
- Mark Twain
"A tax cut to compensate for a tax increase is not a cut — it's a con."
— Tony Abbott
"The income tax created more criminals than any other single act of government."
- Barry Goldwater
"Taxes grow without rain."
- Jewish Proverb
"The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has."
- Will Rogers
"I am proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is I could be just as proud for half of the money."
- Arthur Godfrey
"The only thing that hurts more than paying an income tax is not having to pay an income tax."
— Thomas Dewar
"We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle."
- Winston Churchill
“When there’s a single thief, it’s robbery. When there are a thousand thieves, it’s taxation.”
– Vanya Cohen
"Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child: “No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."
"I firmly believe the death tax is good for people from all walks of life all throughout our society."
— George W. Bush
"There is no worse tyranny than to force a man to pay for what he does not want merely because you think it would be good for him."
- Robert A. Heinlein
"America is a land of taxation that was founded to avoid taxation."
- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
“When it comes to taxes, there are two types of people. There are those that get it done early, also known as ‘psychopaths’, and then the rest of us.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
“Tax day is the day that ordinary Americans send their money to Washington, D.C., and wealthy Americans send their money to the Cayman Islands.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
"You don't pay taxes ― they take taxes."
― Chris Rock
“For every tax problem, there is a solution which is straightforward, uncomplicated-and wrong.”
“The best things in life are free, but sooner or later the government will find a way to tax them.”
"The politicians say 'we' can't afford a tax cut. Maybe we can't afford the politicians."
— Steve Forbes
“They can't collect legal taxes from illegal money."
— Al Capone
"There can be no taxation without misrepresentation."
— J.B. Handelsman
"The taxpayer: that's someone who works for the federal government, but doesn't have to take a civil service examination."
- Ronald Reagan
"A survey says that American workers work the first three hours every day just to pay their taxes. So that's why we can't get anything done in the morning: We're government workers."
— Jay Leno
“Intaxication: That nice feeling you get when you receive a tax refund until you realize it was your own money in the first place.”
“The Government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul.”
– George Bernard Shaw
"The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax."
- Albert Einstein
“Government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.”
– Ronald Reagan
"A person doesn't know how much he has to be thankful for until he has to pay taxes on it."
- Ann Landers
"Day in and day out, your tax accountant can make or lose more money than any single person in your life with the possible exception of your kids."
― Harvey Mackay
“The Taxpayer’s prayer: Oh Mighty Internal Revenue Service, who turneth the labor of man to ashes, we thank thee for the multitude of thy forms which thou hast set before us and for the infinite confusion of thy commandments, which mulitplyth the fortunes of lawyer and accountant alike.”
— Russell Baker
"You know, gentlemen, that I do not owe any personal income tax. But nevertheless, I send a small check, now and then, to the Internal Revenue Service out of the kindness of my heart."
— David Rockefeller
"There is no income tax in Russia. But there's no income."
— Will Rogers
"Then there was the man who declared in court, he wasn't a person. "Excuse me, sir, why haven't you paid your taxes." "Well, as you can clearly see, I am not a person." "Well, you look like a person." "No it's all done with mirrors, trust me!"
- Lewis Black
“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.”
— Douglas Adams
"Every culture has some ritual for joining two people together and making them stay that way, and ours is giving tax breaks."
- Bauvard
"Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even."
- Will Rogers
"Most entrepreneurs would rather have root canal surgery without anesthesia than go through the nightmare that is tax return preparation."
— Nina Kaufman
"Instead of taking the pants off the taxpayer it might be better to take the vest off the vested interests."
— Mark Twain
[on filing for tax returns] "This is too difficult for a mathematician. It takes a philosopher."
- Albert Einstein