"Taxes grow without rain."
- Jewish Proverb
“The Government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul.”
– George Bernard Shaw
“It's easy to find out who is going to become a tax collector. In the nursery, give all the kids lemons. The one who squeezes it dry is going to work for the IRS.”
“People that cheat on their taxes truly disgust me. This is not the world I want to raise my 27 dependents in.”
"There is no income tax in Russia. But there's no income."
— Will Rogers
"A survey says that American workers work the first three hours every day just to pay their taxes. So that's why we can't get anything done in the morning: We're government workers."
— Jay Leno
"There is no worse tyranny than to force a man to pay for what he does not want merely because you think it would be good for him."
- Robert A. Heinlein
"The only thing that hurts more than paying an income tax is not having to pay an income tax."
— Thomas Dewar
“Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?”
– Peg Bracken
"You know, gentlemen, that I do not owe any personal income tax. But nevertheless, I send a small check, now and then, to the Internal Revenue Service out of the kindness of my heart."
— David Rockefeller
“When there’s a single thief, it’s robbery. When there are a thousand thieves, it’s taxation.”
– Vanya Cohen
"Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today."
- Herman Wouk
"I am proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is I could be just as proud for half of the money."
- Arthur Godfrey
"I firmly believe the death tax is good for people from all walks of life all throughout our society."
— George W. Bush
“Some taxpayers close their eyes, some stop their ears, some shut their mouths, but all pay through the nose.”
— Evan Esar
"The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to obtain the largest amount of feathers with the least amount of hissing."
- Jean-Baptiste Colbert
“The best things in life are free, but sooner or later the government will find a way to tax them.”
"Then there was the man who declared in court, he wasn't a person. "Excuse me, sir, why haven't you paid your taxes." "Well, as you can clearly see, I am not a person." "Well, you look like a person." "No it's all done with mirrors, trust me!"
- Lewis Black
“I figured out why Uncle Sam wears such a tall hat. It comes in handy when he passes it around.”
— Soupy Sales
"A tax cut to compensate for a tax increase is not a cut — it's a con."
— Tony Abbott
“The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream”
– Bill Murray
"If cigarette taxes are meant to discourage smoking, wouldn’t income taxes discourage working?"
"You don't pay taxes ― they take taxes."
― Chris Rock
“I love America, but I can’t spend the whole year here. I can’t afford the taxes.”
— Mick Jagger
"Death, taxes, and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them."
― Margaret Mitchell
“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.”
— Douglas Adams
[on filing for tax returns] "This is too difficult for a mathematician. It takes a philosopher."
- Albert Einstein
"Our party has been accused of fooling the public by calling tax increases 'revenue enhancement'. Not so. No one was fooled."
— Dan Quayle
"A person doesn't know how much he has to be thankful for until he has to pay taxes on it."
- Ann Landers
“The Taxpayer’s prayer: Oh Mighty Internal Revenue Service, who turneth the labor of man to ashes, we thank thee for the multitude of thy forms which thou hast set before us and for the infinite confusion of thy commandments, which mulitplyth the fortunes of lawyer and accountant alike.”
— Russell Baker
“They can't collect legal taxes from illegal money."
— Al Capone
"We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle."
- Winston Churchill
"Every culture has some ritual for joining two people together and making them stay that way, and ours is giving tax breaks."
- Bauvard
“Trying to do your own taxes is like a do-it-yourself mugging.”
"The income tax created more criminals than any other single act of government."
- Barry Goldwater
"The difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion is the thickness of a prison wall."
– Denis Healey
“If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad, he should see how bad it is with representation.”
– Farmer’s Almanac
“How many God-fearing, tax-paying, law-abiding men in Las Vegas does it take to light a bonfire? Both of them.”
"Instead of taking the pants off the taxpayer it might be better to take the vest off the vested interests."
— Mark Twain
"America is a land of taxation that was founded to avoid taxation."
- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
“The trouble with the IRS is that 90% of its members give the rest a bad name.”
"The term “tax humor” is no doubt an oxymoron to many people; to the more cynical, it is an apt description of the entire tax code."
— John F. Lekel
"The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has."
- Will Rogers
"The politicians say 'we' can't afford a tax cut. Maybe we can't afford the politicians."
— Steve Forbes
“The U.S. Senate is considering a bill that would tax Botox. When Botox users heard this, they were horrified. Well, I think they were horrified. It’s difficult to tell.”
— Craig Ferguson
“Intaxication: That nice feeling you get when you receive a tax refund until you realize it was your own money in the first place.”
"Day in and day out, your tax accountant can make or lose more money than any single person in your life with the possible exception of your kids."
― Harvey Mackay
“When it comes to taxes, there are two types of people. There are those that get it done early, also known as ‘psychopaths’, and then the rest of us.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
“On my income tax 1040 it says “Check this box if you are blind.” I wanted to put a check-mark about three inches away.”
– Tom Lehrer
"Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child: “No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."