"Our party has been accused of fooling the public by calling tax increases 'revenue enhancement'. Not so. No one was fooled."
— Dan Quayle
“It's easy to find out who is going to become a tax collector. In the nursery, give all the kids lemons. The one who squeezes it dry is going to work for the IRS.”
"I guess I think of lotteries as a tax on the mathematically challenged."
- Roger Jones
"The difference between death and taxes is death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets."
- Will Rogers
"Instead of taking the pants off the taxpayer it might be better to take the vest off the vested interests."
— Mark Twain
"The only thing that hurts more than paying an income tax is not having to pay an income tax."
— Thomas Dewar
“When there’s a single thief, it’s robbery. When there are a thousand thieves, it’s taxation.”
– Vanya Cohen
“Some taxpayers close their eyes, some stop their ears, some shut their mouths, but all pay through the nose.”
— Evan Esar
"You don't pay taxes ― they take taxes."
― Chris Rock
"There is no worse tyranny than to force a man to pay for what he does not want merely because you think it would be good for him."
- Robert A. Heinlein
"A tax cut to compensate for a tax increase is not a cut — it's a con."
— Tony Abbott
[on filing for tax returns] "This is too difficult for a mathematician. It takes a philosopher."
- Albert Einstein
"The income tax created more criminals than any other single act of government."
- Barry Goldwater
“When it comes to taxes, there are two types of people. There are those that get it done early, also known as ‘psychopaths’, and then the rest of us.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
“Trying to do your own taxes is like a do-it-yourself mugging.”
“Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?”
– Peg Bracken
"I firmly believe the death tax is good for people from all walks of life all throughout our society."
— George W. Bush
“I figured out why Uncle Sam wears such a tall hat. It comes in handy when he passes it around.”
— Soupy Sales
“How many God-fearing, tax-paying, law-abiding men in Las Vegas does it take to light a bonfire? Both of them.”
"America is a land of taxation that was founded to avoid taxation."
- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
"Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today."
- Herman Wouk
"The taxpayer: that's someone who works for the federal government, but doesn't have to take a civil service examination."
- Ronald Reagan
"Every culture has some ritual for joining two people together and making them stay that way, and ours is giving tax breaks."
- Bauvard
“Intaxication: That nice feeling you get when you receive a tax refund until you realize it was your own money in the first place.”
"There can be no taxation without misrepresentation."
— J.B. Handelsman
"Then there was the man who declared in court, he wasn't a person. "Excuse me, sir, why haven't you paid your taxes." "Well, as you can clearly see, I am not a person." "Well, you look like a person." "No it's all done with mirrors, trust me!"
- Lewis Black
"Isn't it appropriate that the month of the tax begins with April Fool's Day and ends with cries of 'May Day!'?"
- Rob Knauerhase
"It's income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta."
— Dave Barry
"Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even."
- Will Rogers
"Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss."
- Robert A. Heinlein
“The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream”
– Bill Murray
“If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad, he should see how bad it is with representation.”
– Farmer’s Almanac
“People that cheat on their taxes truly disgust me. This is not the world I want to raise my 27 dependents in.”
"I am proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is I could be just as proud for half of the money."
- Arthur Godfrey
“I love America, but I can’t spend the whole year here. I can’t afford the taxes.”
— Mick Jagger
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?”
– Milton Berle
“I put all my money into taxes. They’re the only thing that’s sure to go up!”
“The Taxpayer’s prayer: Oh Mighty Internal Revenue Service, who turneth the labor of man to ashes, we thank thee for the multitude of thy forms which thou hast set before us and for the infinite confusion of thy commandments, which mulitplyth the fortunes of lawyer and accountant alike.”
— Russell Baker
"If you don’t drink, smoke, or drive a car, you’re a tax evader."
– Thomas S Foley
"It is a good thing that we do not get as much government as we pay for."
- Will Rogers
“For every tax problem, there is a solution which is straightforward, uncomplicated-and wrong.”
“The trouble with the IRS is that 90% of its members give the rest a bad name.”
"The difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion is the thickness of a prison wall."
– Denis Healey
“Government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.”
– Ronald Reagan
"If cigarette taxes are meant to discourage smoking, wouldn’t income taxes discourage working?"
"Death, taxes, and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them."
― Margaret Mitchell
"There is no income tax in Russia. But there's no income."
— Will Rogers
"Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages."
- H. L. Mencken
“The best things in life are free, but sooner or later the government will find a way to tax them.”
“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.”
— Douglas Adams