“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.”
— Douglas Adams
“The Government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul.”
– George Bernard Shaw
"The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has."
- Will Rogers
“It's easy to find out who is going to become a tax collector. In the nursery, give all the kids lemons. The one who squeezes it dry is going to work for the IRS.”
"The taxpayer: that's someone who works for the federal government, but doesn't have to take a civil service examination."
- Ronald Reagan
"A person doesn't know how much he has to be thankful for until he has to pay taxes on it."
- Ann Landers
“I love America, but I can’t spend the whole year here. I can’t afford the taxes.”
— Mick Jagger
"The politicians say 'we' can't afford a tax cut. Maybe we can't afford the politicians."
— Steve Forbes
"America is a land of taxation that was founded to avoid taxation."
- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
“Some taxpayers close their eyes, some stop their ears, some shut their mouths, but all pay through the nose.”
— Evan Esar
"The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin."
- Mark Twain
“For every tax problem, there is a solution which is straightforward, uncomplicated-and wrong.”
"A survey says that American workers work the first three hours every day just to pay their taxes. So that's why we can't get anything done in the morning: We're government workers."
— Jay Leno
"The only thing that hurts more than paying an income tax is not having to pay an income tax."
— Thomas Dewar
"The difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion is the thickness of a prison wall."
– Denis Healey
“The Taxpayer’s prayer: Oh Mighty Internal Revenue Service, who turneth the labor of man to ashes, we thank thee for the multitude of thy forms which thou hast set before us and for the infinite confusion of thy commandments, which mulitplyth the fortunes of lawyer and accountant alike.”
— Russell Baker
"The difference between death and taxes is death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets."
- Will Rogers
“Tax day is the day that ordinary Americans send their money to Washington, D.C., and wealthy Americans send their money to the Cayman Islands.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
“I figured out why Uncle Sam wears such a tall hat. It comes in handy when he passes it around.”
— Soupy Sales
“The trouble with the IRS is that 90% of its members give the rest a bad name.”
"The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax."
- Albert Einstein
“On my income tax 1040 it says “Check this box if you are blind.” I wanted to put a check-mark about three inches away.”
– Tom Lehrer
"I am proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is I could be just as proud for half of the money."
- Arthur Godfrey
“If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad, he should see how bad it is with representation.”
– Farmer’s Almanac
"Every culture has some ritual for joining two people together and making them stay that way, and ours is giving tax breaks."
- Bauvard
"It is a good thing that we do not get as much government as we pay for."
- Will Rogers
“The best things in life are free, but sooner or later the government will find a way to tax them.”
"Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even."
- Will Rogers
"The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to obtain the largest amount of feathers with the least amount of hissing."
- Jean-Baptiste Colbert
"Isn't it appropriate that the month of the tax begins with April Fool's Day and ends with cries of 'May Day!'?"
- Rob Knauerhase
“Intaxication: That nice feeling you get when you receive a tax refund until you realize it was your own money in the first place.”
“The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream”
– Bill Murray
“When there’s a single thief, it’s robbery. When there are a thousand thieves, it’s taxation.”
– Vanya Cohen
"An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt."
- Fred Allen
"A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong."
— Mark Twain
“They can't collect legal taxes from illegal money."
— Al Capone
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?”
– Milton Berle
“Government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.”
– Ronald Reagan
“Trying to do your own taxes is like a do-it-yourself mugging.”
"Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today."
- Herman Wouk
“Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?”
– Peg Bracken
"Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid what's called a red flag. That's something the IRS always looks for. For example, say you have some money left in your bank account after paying taxes. That's a red flag."
― Jay Leno
"Most entrepreneurs would rather have root canal surgery without anesthesia than go through the nightmare that is tax return preparation."
— Nina Kaufman
"Death, taxes, and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them."
― Margaret Mitchell
[on filing for tax returns] "This is too difficult for a mathematician. It takes a philosopher."
- Albert Einstein
"Congress can raise taxes because it can persuade a sizable fraction of the populace that somebody else will pay."
- Milton Friedman
“When it comes to taxes, there are two types of people. There are those that get it done early, also known as ‘psychopaths’, and then the rest of us.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
“The tax collector must love poor people, he’s creating so many of them.”
– Bill Vaughan
"If cigarette taxes are meant to discourage smoking, wouldn’t income taxes discourage working?"
"We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle."
- Winston Churchill