"There is no income tax in Russia. But there's no income."
— Will Rogers
“How many God-fearing, tax-paying, law-abiding men in Las Vegas does it take to light a bonfire? Both of them.”
“When there’s a single thief, it’s robbery. When there are a thousand thieves, it’s taxation.”
– Vanya Cohen
"There can be no taxation without misrepresentation."
— J.B. Handelsman
“People that cheat on their taxes truly disgust me. This is not the world I want to raise my 27 dependents in.”
“On my income tax 1040 it says “Check this box if you are blind.” I wanted to put a check-mark about three inches away.”
– Tom Lehrer
"Instead of taking the pants off the taxpayer it might be better to take the vest off the vested interests."
— Mark Twain
“Children may be deductible, but they are still taxing.”
"The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax."
- Albert Einstein
"An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt."
- Fred Allen
"Our party has been accused of fooling the public by calling tax increases 'revenue enhancement'. Not so. No one was fooled."
— Dan Quayle
"The taxpayer: that's someone who works for the federal government, but doesn't have to take a civil service examination."
- Ronald Reagan
"The term “tax humor” is no doubt an oxymoron to many people; to the more cynical, it is an apt description of the entire tax code."
— John F. Lekel
“The Taxpayer’s prayer: Oh Mighty Internal Revenue Service, who turneth the labor of man to ashes, we thank thee for the multitude of thy forms which thou hast set before us and for the infinite confusion of thy commandments, which mulitplyth the fortunes of lawyer and accountant alike.”
— Russell Baker
"Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child: “No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."
"You don't pay taxes ― they take taxes."
― Chris Rock
“When it comes to taxes, there are two types of people. There are those that get it done early, also known as ‘psychopaths’, and then the rest of us.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
"A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong."
— Mark Twain
"Death, taxes, and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them."
― Margaret Mitchell
"Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even."
- Will Rogers
"Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today."
- Herman Wouk
“I love America, but I can’t spend the whole year here. I can’t afford the taxes.”
— Mick Jagger
"Taxes grow without rain."
- Jewish Proverb
“The U.S. Senate is considering a bill that would tax Botox. When Botox users heard this, they were horrified. Well, I think they were horrified. It’s difficult to tell.”
— Craig Ferguson
"The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to obtain the largest amount of feathers with the least amount of hissing."
- Jean-Baptiste Colbert
"A survey says that American workers work the first three hours every day just to pay their taxes. So that's why we can't get anything done in the morning: We're government workers."
— Jay Leno
“The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream”
– Bill Murray
"Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid what's called a red flag. That's something the IRS always looks for. For example, say you have some money left in your bank account after paying taxes. That's a red flag."
― Jay Leno
"A tax cut to compensate for a tax increase is not a cut — it's a con."
— Tony Abbott
“Intaxication: That nice feeling you get when you receive a tax refund until you realize it was your own money in the first place.”
"The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has."
- Will Rogers
"Every culture has some ritual for joining two people together and making them stay that way, and ours is giving tax breaks."
- Bauvard
"The income tax created more criminals than any other single act of government."
- Barry Goldwater
"It's income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta."
— Dave Barry
“Trying to do your own taxes is like a do-it-yourself mugging.”
"We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle."
- Winston Churchill
“Government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.”
– Ronald Reagan
“If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad, he should see how bad it is with representation.”
– Farmer’s Almanac
"The only thing that hurts more than paying an income tax is not having to pay an income tax."
— Thomas Dewar
"Day in and day out, your tax accountant can make or lose more money than any single person in your life with the possible exception of your kids."
― Harvey Mackay
“I put all my money into taxes. They’re the only thing that’s sure to go up!”
“The best things in life are free, but sooner or later the government will find a way to tax them.”
"If cigarette taxes are meant to discourage smoking, wouldn’t income taxes discourage working?"
"The politicians say 'we' can't afford a tax cut. Maybe we can't afford the politicians."
— Steve Forbes
"Congress can raise taxes because it can persuade a sizable fraction of the populace that somebody else will pay."
- Milton Friedman
"If you don’t drink, smoke, or drive a car, you’re a tax evader."
– Thomas S Foley
“The trouble with the IRS is that 90% of its members give the rest a bad name.”
[on filing for tax returns] "This is too difficult for a mathematician. It takes a philosopher."
- Albert Einstein
"I guess I think of lotteries as a tax on the mathematically challenged."
- Roger Jones
"Then there was the man who declared in court, he wasn't a person. "Excuse me, sir, why haven't you paid your taxes." "Well, as you can clearly see, I am not a person." "Well, you look like a person." "No it's all done with mirrors, trust me!"
- Lewis Black