“No man goes before his time—unless the boss leaves early.” — Groucho Marx
“If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.” – Betty Reese
“The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it.” — Groucho Marx
“My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I’m still at work.” — Author Unknown
“The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.” — Stanley J. Randall
“It’s a funny feeling to work with people who you consider your colleagues and to realize that they actually are young enough to be your children."
~ Alan Alda
“Time is an illusion. Lunchtime is doubly so.” – Douglas Adams
“I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I’m lying. – Rita Rudner
“The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.” — Sarah Brown
“There’s no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn’t tell you about it?” -Kin Hubbard
“If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.” — Woody Allen
“The taxpayer—that’s someone who works for the federal government but doesn’t have to take the civil service examination.” — Ronald Reagan.
“People who never do any more than they get paid for, never get paid for any more than they do.” — Elbert Hubbard
“Getting paid to sleep… that’s my dream job.” –Unknown
“Hear no evil, see no evil, and speak no evil—and you’ll never get a job working for a tabloid.” – Phil Pastoreta consultant.” – Scott Adams
“If owl parties aren't called hootenannies, this world will never make sense again."
- Reverend Badger
“The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.” — Joe Girard
“Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done.” — Peter Drucker
“My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.” – Anonymous
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."
~ Douglas Adams
“Work is against human nature. The proof is that it makes us tired. – Michel Tournier
“Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.” – Winston Churchill
"The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary."
~ Vince Lombardi
"An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field."
~ Niels Bohr
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
“A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don’t have a J.O.B.” – Fats Domino
“The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches."
~ Bove’s Theorem
“Unemployment is capitalism’s way of getting you to plant a garden."
~ Orson Scott Card
“Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you’re just sitting still?"
~ J. Paul Getty
“The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” — Oscar Wilde
“I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I’m around.” — Homer Simpson
“Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.” — Will Rogers
“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."
- Groucho Marx
“A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.” — Henry Kissenger
“Coworkers are like Christmas lights. They hang together, half of them don’t work and the other half aren’t so bright.” – Anonymous
“Early to bed and early to rise probably indicates unskilled labor.” – John Ciardi
“My job is fun! I should change this line once in a while. My brain has started to realize that I am lying to it every morning."
~ Anonymous
“Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.” – Robert Orben
“Be like a postage stamp. Stick to a thing till you get there.” — Josh Billings
“An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field.” — Niels Bohr
“Find a job you like and you add five days to every week."
~ H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
“Leaders who don’t listen will eventually be surrounded by people who have nothing to say.” – Andy Stanley
“Why do people say they wish every day was Friday? If it was always Friday, we’d be here every freakin’ day.” — Ed Bernard
“My favorite animal is steak."
- Fran Lebowitz
“If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be ‘meetings.” – Dave Barry
“Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.” — Homer Simpson
“The problem with doing nothing is that you never know when you’re finished.” – Groucho Marx
“I used to work at McDonald’s making minimum wage. You know what thay means? You know what your boss was trying to say? It’s like, ‘Hey if I could pay you less, I would, but it’s against the law.’” – Chris Rock
“As I have gotten older and wiser I discovered that there are six things that I really loved about my job. Pay day, lunch time, quitting time, vacation time, holidays, and of course retirement.” — Tom Goins
“It’s just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.”- Muhammad Ali