“Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.” – Robert Orben
“Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done.” — Peter Drucker
“What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” – Phyllis Diller
“The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What’s the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you’d get a pulse.” — Dennis Miller
“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."
- Groucho Marx
"An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field."
~ Niels Bohr
“If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be ‘meetings.” – Dave Barry
“People are still willing to do an honest day’s work. The problem is they want a week’s pay for it.” – Joey Adams
“I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I’m around.” — Homer Simpson
“Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.” — Don Herold
“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died."
~ Erma Bombeck
"Learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t live long enough to make them all yourself."
~ Anonymous
“Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.” – Scott Adams
“Work is against human nature. The proof is that it makes us tired. – Michel Tournier
“If A equals success, then the formula is A = X + Y + Z. Where X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut.” — Albert Einstein
“A baseball game is twice as much fun if you’re seeing it on the company’s time.” — William C. Feather
“My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I’m still at work.” — Author Unknown
“My favorite animal is steak."
- Fran Lebowitz
“Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn’t be done.” – Sam Ewing
“The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches."
~ Bove’s Theorem
“I always give 100% at Work: 10% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 22% Thursday, and 5% Friday.” –Anonymous
“My son is now an ‘entrepreneur.’ That’s what you’re called when you don’t have a job.” – Ted Turner
“If owl parties aren't called hootenannies, this world will never make sense again."
- Reverend Badger
“Getting paid to sleep… that’s my dream job.” –Unknown
“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin
“When I was 16 I worked in a pet store, and they fired me because . . . they had three snakes, and one day I braided them.” – Steven Alexander Wright
“An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field.” — Niels Bohr
“People who never do any more than they get paid for, never get paid for any more than they do.” — Elbert Hubbard
“Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.” — Will Rogers
“It is better to have one person working with you than three people working for you.” — Dwight D. Eisenhower
“People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.” – Ogden Nash
“The reward for good work is more work.” – Francesca Elisia
“The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.” — Sarah Brown
“I am a friend of the workingman, and I would rather be his friend, than be one.” — Clarence Darrow.
“Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” – Thomas Edison
“There’s no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn’t tell you about it?” -Kin Hubbard
“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.” — George Carlin
"Luck is a dividend of sweat. The more you sweat, the luckier you get."
~ Ray Kroc
“Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.” – Earl Nightingale
“Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” — Edgar Bergen
“Beat the 5 o’clock rush, leave work at noon.” — Anonymous
“After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF.” — Anonymous
“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.” — Mark Twain
“Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you’re just sitting still?” — J. Paul Getty
"The British soldier can stand up to anything except the British War Office."
~ George Bernard Shaw
“If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.” — Claude McDonald
“I believe in hard work. But, it will take some time to make this believe into a real thing!"
~ Anonymous
“It takes less time to do a thing right, than it does to explain why you did it wrong.” — Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
“I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock.” — Henny Youngman
“Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.” — Homer Simpson