“The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.” — Sarah Brown
“I used to work at McDonald’s making minimum wage. You know what thay means? You know what your boss was trying to say? It’s like, ‘Hey if I could pay you less, I would, but it’s against the law.’” – Chris Rock
“Time is an illusion. Lunchtime is doubly so.” – Douglas Adams
"His insomnia was so bad, he couldn’t sleep during office hours."
~ Arthur Baer
“When I was 16 I worked in a pet store, and they fired me because . . . they had three snakes, and one day I braided them.” – Steven Alexander Wright
“My job is fun! I should change this line once in a while. My brain has started to realize that I am lying to it every morning."
~ Anonymous
“Hear no evil, see no evil, and speak no evil—and you’ll never get a job working for a tabloid.” – Phil Pastoreta consultant.” – Scott Adams
“Work is against human nature. The proof is that it makes us tired. – Michel Tournier
“Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.” – Scott Adams
“The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.” — Joe Girard
“Lisa, if you don’t like your job you don’t strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way."
~ Homer Simpson
“When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: ‘Whose?'” — Don Marquis
“The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What’s the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you’d get a pulse.” — Dennis Miller
“If owl parties aren't called hootenannies, this world will never make sense again."
- Reverend Badger
"Show me a man who is a good loser and I’ll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss."
~ Jim Murray
“My son is now an ‘entrepreneur.’ That’s what you’re called when you don’t have a job.” – Ted Turner
“Unemployment is capitalism’s way of getting you to plant a garden."
~ Orson Scott Card
“The taxpayer—that’s someone who works for the federal government but doesn’t have to take the civil service examination.” — Ronald Reagan.
"The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary."
~ Vince Lombardi
“It’s a funny feeling to work with people who you consider your colleagues and to realize that they actually are young enough to be your children."
~ Alan Alda
“Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work."
~ Al Capp
"Everybody makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when no one is looking."
~ Anonymous
“Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done.” — Peter Drucker
“After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF.” — Anonymous
“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin
“Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.” — Homer Simpson
“If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be ‘meetings.” – Dave Barry
“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.” — George Carlin
“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” — Charles Lamb
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
“My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.” – Anonymous
“Education cost money. But then again so does ignorance.” – Sir Claus Moser
"Learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t live long enough to make them all yourself."
~ Anonymous
“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well neither does bathing. That’s why we recommend it daily.” – Zig Ziglar
“Like vinegar to the teeth, and smoke to the eyes, so are the lazy to their employers.” – Proverb 10:26
“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.” — Mark Twain
“If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.” — Claude McDonald
“Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.” – Earl Nightingale
“Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” – Thomas Edison
“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."
- Groucho Marx
“Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn’t be done.” – Sam Ewing
“A lot of people quit looking for work as soon as they find a job.” — Zig Ziglar
“I always give 100% at Work: 10% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 22% Thursday, and 5% Friday.” –Anonymous
“Beat the 5 o’clock rush, leave work at noon.” — Anonymous
“Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don’t turn up at all.” – Sam Ewing
“It’s a shame that the only thing a man can do for eight hours a day is work. He can’t eat for eight hours; he can’t drink for eight hours; he can’t make love for eight hours. The only thing a man can do for eight hours is work.” — William Faulkner
“A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don’t have a J.O.B.” – Fats Domino
“I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.” — Jerome K. Jerome
“Why do people say they wish every day was Friday? If it was always Friday, we’d be here every freakin’ day.” — Ed Bernard
“My favorite animal is steak."
- Fran Lebowitz