“Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work."
~ Al Capp
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
“Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.” – Winston Churchill
“After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF.” — Anonymous
“People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.” – Ogden Nash
“By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.” — Robert Frost
“Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don’t turn up at all.” – Sam Ewing
“The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.” — Joe Girard
“Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.” — Don Herold
“Why do people say they wish every day was Friday? If it was always Friday, we’d be here every freakin’ day.” — Ed Bernard
“My son is now an ‘entrepreneur.’ That’s what you’re called when you don’t have a job.” – Ted Turner
“Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn’t be done.” – Sam Ewing
“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” — Charles Lamb
“A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.” — Henry Kissenger
“Like vinegar to the teeth, and smoke to the eyes, so are the lazy to their employers.” – Proverb 10:26
“I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I’m lying. – Rita Rudner
“Hear no evil, see no evil, and speak no evil—and you’ll never get a job working for a tabloid.” – Phil Pastoreta consultant.” – Scott Adams
“Work is against human nature. The proof is that it makes us tired. – Michel Tournier
“What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” – Phyllis Diller
“Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.” – Scott Adams
“One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important.” — Bertrand Russell
“Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.” — Groucho Marx
“If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.” — Woody Allen
“Education cost money. But then again so does ignorance.” – Sir Claus Moser
“Leaders who don’t listen will eventually be surrounded by people who have nothing to say.” – Andy Stanley
“Be like a postage stamp. Stick to a thing till you get there.” — Josh Billings
“If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be ‘meetings.” – Dave Barry
“The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it.” — Groucho Marx
“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin
“Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” – Thomas Edison
“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well neither does bathing. That’s why we recommend it daily.” – Zig Ziglar
“If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.” – Betty Reese
“I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams.” – Anonymous
“Coworkers are like Christmas lights. They hang together, half of them don’t work and the other half aren’t so bright.” – Anonymous
Don’t be distracted by criticism. Remember, the only taste of success some people get is to take a bite out of you.” – Zig Ziglar
“I used to work at McDonald’s making minimum wage. You know what thay means? You know what your boss was trying to say? It’s like, ‘Hey if I could pay you less, I would, but it’s against the law.’” – Chris Rock
“I’m not retiring, I am graduating . . . retirement means that you’ll just go ahead and live on your laurels and surf all day in Oceanside. It ain’t going to happen.” – Junior Seau
“Early to bed and early to rise probably indicates unskilled labor.” – John Ciardi
“The taxpayer—that’s someone who works for the federal government but doesn’t have to take the civil service examination.” — Ronald Reagan.
“I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I’m around.” — Homer Simpson
“A baseball game is twice as much fun if you’re seeing it on the company’s time.” — William C. Feather
“A lot of people quit looking for work as soon as they find a job.” — Zig Ziglar
“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day!” — Anonymous
“Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.” — Will Rogers
“When I was 16 I worked in a pet store, and they fired me because . . . they had three snakes, and one day I braided them.” – Steven Alexander Wright
“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.” — Mark Twain
“I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock.” — Henny Youngman
“Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you’re just sitting still?” — J. Paul Getty
“When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: ‘Whose?'” — Don Marquis
“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called everybody, and they meet at the bar.” – Drew Carey