Funny Work Quotes

Bosses and employees won't be able to resist these hilarious work quotes.

Funny Work Quotes

“Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.” – Scott Adams
“Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done.” — Peter Drucker
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
“You can’t have a million dollar dream with a minimum wage worth ethic.” — Zig Ziglar
“Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.” – Winston Churchill
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."
~ Douglas Adams
“Beat the 5 o’clock rush, leave work at noon.” — Anonymous
“Leaders who don’t listen will eventually be surrounded by people who have nothing to say.” – Andy Stanley
"Learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t live long enough to make them all yourself."
~ Anonymous
“I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock.” — Henny Youngman
“If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.” — Claude McDonald
“It is better to have one person working with you than three people working for you.” — Dwight D. Eisenhower
“I am a friend of the workingman, and I would rather be his friend, than be one.” — Clarence Darrow.
“Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn’t be done.” – Sam Ewing
“The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What’s the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you’d get a pulse.” — Dennis Miller
“People who never do any more than they get paid for, never get paid for any more than they do.” — Elbert Hubbard
“After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF.” — Anonymous
"Show me a man who is a good loser and I’ll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss."
~ Jim Murray
“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” — Charles Lamb
“Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” – Thomas Edison
“A baseball game is twice as much fun if you’re seeing it on the company’s time.” — William C. Feather
“I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.” — Jerome K. Jerome
“If A equals success, then the formula is A = X + Y + Z. Where X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut.”​ — Albert Einstein
“Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.” – Earl Nightingale
“Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.” — Will Rogers
“A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don’t have a J.O.B.” – Fats Domino
“There’s something boring about people who have to go to an office for a living."
~ Karl Lagerfeld
“It’s a shame that the only thing a man can do for eight hours a day is work. He can’t eat for eight hours; he can’t drink for eight hours; he can’t make love for eight hours. The only thing a man can do for eight hours is work.” — William Faulkner
“Pride, commitment and teamwork are words they use to get you to work for free.” – Anonymous
“I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” — Bill Gates
“Be like a postage stamp. Stick to a thing till you get there.” — Josh Billings
“It’s just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.”- Muhammad Ali
“If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter.” — John Gotti
"The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary."
~ Vince Lombardi
“Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.” — Don Herold
“What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” – Phyllis Diller
“Unemployment is capitalism’s way of getting you to plant a garden."
~ Orson Scott Card
"The world is divided into people who do things–and people who get the credit."
~ Dwight Morrow
“Work is a necessity for man. Man invented the alarm clock."
~ Pablo Picasso
“Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.” – Robert Orben
“Getting paid to sleep… that’s my dream job.​” –Unknown
"If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire."
~ Cannon’s Law
“If owl parties aren't called hootenannies, this world will never make sense again."
- Reverend Badger
“When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: ‘Whose?'” — Don Marquis
“Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you’re just sitting still?” — J. Paul Getty
“Coworkers are like Christmas lights. They hang together, half of them don’t work and the other half aren’t so bright.” – Anonymous
“My job is fun! I should change this line once in a while. My brain has started to realize that I am lying to it every morning."
~ Anonymous
"The British soldier can stand up to anything except the British War Office."
~ George Bernard Shaw
“Education cost money. But then again so does ignorance.” – Sir Claus Moser
“Early to bed and early to rise probably indicates unskilled labor.” – John Ciardi