“No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I’m not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal.”
- Bill Cosby.
"The trouble with being a parent is that by the time you are experienced, you are unemployed." – Anonymous
“Went to Disneyland because my daughter’s obsessed with Mickey Mouse. She was so excited when I got home and told her.”
- Ryan Reynolds.
“Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.”
—P.J. O’Rourke
“I don’t know what’s more exhausting about parenting: the getting up early, or acting like you know what you’re doing.”
- Jim Gaffigan.
"What is a home without children. Quiet." – Henny Youngman
"I love when my kids tells me they’re bored. As if the lady standing in front of a full sink of dirty dishes is where you go to get ideas about how to have a good time." – Unknown
“The quickest way for a parent to get a child's attention is to sit down and look comfortable.”
- Lane Olinghouse.
“On our 6 a.m. walk, my daughter asked where the moon goes each morning. I let her know it’s in heaven, visiting Daddy’s freedom.” – Ryan Reynolds
“You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.” —Franklin P. Adams
“90% of parenting is just thinking about when you can lie down again.” - Anonymous
“My mother’s menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it.” – Buddy Hackett
"Children aren’t happy without something to ignore, and that’s what parents were created for." – Ogden Nash
“Waking your kids up for school the first day after a break is almost as much fun as birthing them was.” - Jenny McCarthy
“All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.”
- Erma Bombeck.
“The thing about parenting rules is there aren’t any. That’s what makes it so difficult.”
- Ewan McGregor.
“Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.”
- David Frost.
“Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas.” —Paula Poundstone
"When I tell my kids I'll do something in a minute, what I'm really saying is "Please forget." - @SarcasticMommy4
"A three year old child is a being who gets almost as much fun out of a fifty-six dollar set of swings as it does out of finding a small green worm." – Bill Vaughan
“I asked my mom if I was adopted. She said, ‘Not yet, but we placed an ad.’”
- Dana Snow.
“Having a child is liking getting a tattoo on your face. You better be committed.”
- 'Eat Pray Love'.
“Watching your daughter being collected by her date feels like handing over a million-dollar Stradivarius to a gorilla.”
- Jim Bishop.
“The biggest thing I remember is that there was just no transition. You hit the ground diapering.”
- Paul Reiser.