“I feel very blessed to have two wonderful, healthy children who keep me completely grounded, sane, and throw up on my shoes just before I go to an awards show just so I know to keep it real.”
- Reese Witherspoon.
“You know your life has changed when going to the grocery store by yourself is a vacation.” - Anonymous
"Some children threaten to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going." – Phyllis Diller
“Sending your kids to summer camp teaches them important life lessons... like, ‘You can deal with your problems by sending them to summer camp.’”
- Ari Fishbein.
“Usually the triumph of my day is, you know, everybody making it to the potty.”
- Julia Roberts.
"Children aren’t happy without something to ignore, and that’s what parents were created for." – Ogden Nash
“Why don’t kids understand their nap is not for them, but for us?”
- Alyson Hannigan.
“Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.”
- James Baldwin.
"I live in a mad house run by a tiny army that I made myself." — Anonymous
“Mother Nature is providential. She gives us twelve years to develop a love for our children before turning them into teenagers.”
- William Galvin.
“When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.”
- Nora Ephron.
"The truth is that parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet." – Bill Cosby
“Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath, and hope we’ve set aside enough money to pay for our kids’ therapy.”
—Michelle Pfeiffer
“Watching your daughter being collected by her date feels like handing over a million-dollar Stradivarius to a gorilla.”
- Jim Bishop.
“The thing about parenting rules is there aren’t any. That’s what makes it so difficult.”
- Ewan McGregor.
“The easiest way to teach children the value of money is to borrow some from them." — Anonymous
"When your “mom voice” is so loud even the neighbors brush their teeth and get dressed." - Unknown
"I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home." – Robert Orben
“Sooner or later we all quote our mothers." – Bern Williams
“A baby changes your dinner party conversation from politics to poops.”
- Maurice Johnston.
“Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.”
- Phyllis Diller.
“It’s like kids can just smell when you start relaxing.” - Anonymous
“Buying your kid a goldfish is a great way to teach them about responsibility for 24-36 hours”
- Conan O’Brien.
“No one is full of more false hope than a parent bringing a chair to the beach.” – @simoncholland