“Anybody who tells you money can’t buy happiness never had any.” —Samuel L. Jackson
“What’s the use of happiness? It can’t buy you money.”- Henry Youngman
“If you want to know what God thinks of money, look at the people he gave it to.” —Dorothy Parker
"Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody.” ~ Benjamin Franklin
“Money is the opposite of the weather. Nobody talks about it, but everybody does something about it.” – Rebecca Johnson
“Money is like manure. You have to spread it around or it smells." ~J. Paul Getty
“All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.” Spike Milligan.
“I’m tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money. I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok.” — Shaquille O’Neal
“I finally know what distinguishes man from other beasts: financial worries.” – Jules Renard
“Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy beer." ~ Gary Reilly
"I’m so poor I can’t pay attention." ~ Ron Kittle
“If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys” – James Goldsmith
“Money isn’t everything, but it’s a long way ahead of what comes next.” - Edmund Stockdale
“What’s your favorite childhood memory? Not paying bills.” – Anonymous
“What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin” –Mark Twain
“Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won’t be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.” -Henny Youngman
“The only reason I made a commercial for American Express was to pay for my American Express bill.” Peter Ustinov.
“Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair." ~Sam Ewing
“Money and women are the most sought after and the least known about of any two things we have.”— Will Rogers
“It doesn’t matter how low the dollar will go, I will always bend down and pick it up.” ~ Anonymous
“Waking your kids up for school the first day after a break is almost as much fun as birthing them was.” - Jenny McCarthy
“Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need most.” —Addison H. Hallock
“Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today." ~ Herman Wouk
"Money without brains is always dangerous." ~ Napoleon Hill
“They were a people so primitive they did not know how to get money, except by working for it.” Joseph Addison.
“There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage” — James Holt McGavran
“All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy." ~ Spike Milligan
“When a fellow says it ain’t the money but the principle of the thing, it’s the money.” – Artemus Ward
“People are living longer than ever before, a phenomenon undoubtedly made necessary by the 30-year mortgage." ~Doug Larson
“Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a man’s lifetime income – which he then spends sending his son to college.” — Bill Vaughn
“You fool! You’re 30 cents away from having a quarter!” –Sweet Dick Willie (Robin Harris)Do the Right Thing
"Dogs have no money. Isn’t that amazing? They’re broke their entire lives. But they get through. Do you know why dogs have no money? .. No Pockets." ~ Jerry Seinfeld
"Ah, yes, divorce… A Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet." ~ Robin Williams
“Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy you the kind of misery you prefer." ~Author Unknown
“Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache” – Mae West
“Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.” — Steven Wright
“If all the economists were laid end to end, they’d never reach a conclusion." ~George Bernard Shaw
“Money isn’t everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children." ~ J. Paul Getty
“A dollar picked up in the road is more satisfaction to us than the 99 which we had to work for, and the money won at Faro or in the stock market snuggles into our hearts in the same way. ~Mark Twain
"Most people work just hard enough to not get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit." ~ George Carline
“There were times my pants were so thin I could sit on a dime and tell if it was heads or tails.” -Spencer Tracy quotes
"They were a people so primitive they did not know how to get money, except by working for it." ~ Joseph Addison
“I’m so poor I can’t even pay attention." ~Ron Kittle
“If inflation continues to soar, you’re going to have to work like a dog just to live like one." ~George Gobel
“Cocaine is God’s way of saying you’re making too much money.” – Robin Williams
“They say that love is more important, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?” – Anonymous
“He who marries for love without money has good nights and sorry days.” – Anonymous
“A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.” – Bob Hope
“The waste of money cures itself, for soon there is no more to waste." ~M.W. Harrison
“The trick is to stop thinking of it as ‘your’ money.” – IRS auditor