“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” —Phyllis Diller
“People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.” ~ Joan Rivers
“When I was young I thought money was the most important thing in life; now that I’m old, I know it is." ~ Oscar Wilde
“What’s the use of happiness? It can’t buy you money." ~ Henny Youngman
“Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it." ~ David Lee Roth
“Money can’t buy you happiness but it can pay for plastic surgery." ~ Joan Rivers
“Money isn’t everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children." ~ J. Paul Getty
“Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy beer." ~ Gary Reilly
“Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery." ~ Spike Milligan
“All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy." ~ Spike Milligan
"Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to go shopping." ~ Bo Derek
“Money and women. They’re two of the strongest things in the world. The things you do for a woman you wouldn’t do for anything else. Same with money.” — Satchel Paige
“I’m tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money. I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok.” — Shaquille O’Neal
“Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a man’s lifetime income – which he then spends sending his son to college.” — Bill Vaughn
“What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin” –Mark Twain
“A father is someone who carries pictures in his wallet where his money used to be” — unknown
“It’s amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!” — Milton Berle
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?” — Milton Berle
“Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.” — Steven Wright
“I made my money the old-fashioned way. I was very nice to a wealthy relative right before he died” — Malcolm Forbes
“There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage” — James Holt McGavran
“It’s money. I remember it from when I was single” — Billy Crystal
“Carpe per diem – seize the check.” – Robin Williams.
“Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won’t be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.” -Henny Youngman
“When people ask me if I have any spare change, I tell them I have it at home in my spare wallet.”-Nick Arnette
“I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.” -Jackie Mason“I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.” -Jackie Mason
“There were times my pants were so thin I could sit on a dime and tell if it was heads or tails.” -Spencer Tracy quotes
“A bargain is something you can’t use at a price you can’t resist.”- Franklin Jones.
“If there is anyone to whom I owe money, I’m prepared to forget it if they are.” - Errol Flynn
“Money isn’t everything, but it’s a long way ahead of what comes next.” - Edmund Stockdale
“To make a million, start with $900,000.” - Morton Shulman.
“If you owe the bank $100 that’s your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that’s the bank’s problem.” -JP Getty.
“What’s the use of happiness? It can’t buy you money.”- Henry Youngman
“Undermine the entire economic structure of society by leaving the pay toilet door ajar so the next person can get in free.” - Taylor Meade
“Money is something you have to make in case you don’t die.” Max Asnas.
“You should always live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.”- Josh Billings
“All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.” Spike Milligan.
“October: This is one of the particularly dangerous months to invest in stocks. Other dangerous months are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February.” Mark Twain
“They were a people so primitive they did not know how to get money, except by working for it.” Joseph Addison.
“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.” Douglas Adams.
“I owe much; I have nothing; the rest I leave to the poor.” - Francois Rebelais
“My formula for success is rise early, work late and strike oil.” JP Getty.
“The only reason I made a commercial for American Express was to pay for my American Express bill.” Peter Ustinov.
“I rob banks because that’s where the money is.” Willie Sutton.
“Money and women are the most sought after and the least known about of any two things we have.”— Will Rogers
“A fool and his money are lucky enough to get together in the first place.” — Gordon Gekko (Michael Douglas) Wall Street
“Money’s only something you need in case you don’t die tomorrow.” – Carl Fox (Martin Sheen)Wall Street
“In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women.” –Tony Montana (Al Pacino) Scarface
“The best way you hurt rich people is by turning them into poor people” – Billy Ray Valentine (Eddie Murphy) Trading Places
“You fool! You’re 30 cents away from having a quarter!” –Sweet Dick Willie (Robin Harris)Do the Right Thing