"I put a dollar in one of those changed machines. Nothing changed." ~ George Carlin
“I love money. I love everything about it. I bought some pretty good stuff. Got me a $300 pair of socks. Got a fur sink. An electric dog polisher. A gasoline powered turtleneck sweater. And, of course, I bought some dumb stuff, too.” – Steve Martin
“You should always live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.”- Josh Billings
“You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.” —Franklin P. Adams
“Money often costs too much.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
“I made my money the old-fashioned way. I was very nice to a wealthy relative right before he died” — Malcolm Forbes
“Budget: a mathematical confirmation of your suspicions." ~A.A. Latimer
“There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage” — James Holt McGavran
“If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it." ~Author Unknown
“If there is a WILL, there are 500 relatives.” – Anonymous
“If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys” – James Goldsmith
"Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to go shopping." ~ Bo Derek
"Too many people spend money they haven’t earned, to buy things they don’t want, to impress people they don’t like." ~ Will Smith
“In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women.” –Tony Montana (Al Pacino) Scarface
“All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy." ~ Spike Milligan
“What’s the use of happiness? It can’t buy you money.”- Henry Youngman
“A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.” – Bob Hope
“Money’s only something you need in case you don’t die tomorrow." ~ Martin Sheen
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” —Phyllis Diller
“Cocaine is God’s way of saying you’re making too much money.” – Robin Williams
"There is a very easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune: go there with a large one." ~ Jack Yelton
“Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won’t be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.” -Henny Youngman
“The economy depends about as much on economists as the weather does on weather forecasters." ~Jean-Paul Kauffmann
“People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.” ~ Joan Rivers
“Money isn’t the most important thing in life, but it’s reasonably close to oxygen on the “gotta have it” scale." ~Zig Ziglar
“Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache” – Mae West
“If you owe the bank $100 that’s your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that’s the bank’s problem.” -JP Getty.
“I’m so poor I can’t even pay attention." ~Ron Kittle
"I despise the lottery. There’s less chance of you becoming a millionaire than there is of getting hit by a passing asteroid." ~ Unknown
“Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt." ~ Herbert Hoover
“The poor have more children, but the rich have more relatives.” – Unknown
"We live by the golden rule. Those who have the gold make the rules." ~ Unknown
“Money and women are the most sought after and the least known about of any two things we have.”— Will Rogers
“Misers are no fun to live with, but they make great ancestors.” —Tom Snyder
"Men are like bank accounts. The more money, the more interest they generate." ~ Mark Twain
“A fool and his money are lucky enough to get together in the first place.” — Gordon Gekko (Michael Douglas) Wall Street
“Money and women. They’re two of the strongest things in the world. The things you do for a woman you wouldn’t do for anything else. Same with money.” — Satchel Paige
“It doesn’t matter if you’re black or white… the only color that really matters is green.” – Family Guy
"The safe way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it in your pocket." ~ Kin Hubbard
"If all the rich people in the world divided up their money among themselves, there wouldn’t be enough to go around." ~ Christina Stead
“Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.” – Robert Orben
“If you want to know what God thinks of money, look at the people he gave it to.” —Dorothy Parker
“Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today." ~ Herman Wouk
“I am not worried about the deficit. It is big enough to take care of itself." ~ Ronald Reagan
"Ah, yes, divorce… A Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet." ~ Robin Williams
“Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair." ~Sam Ewing
"Staying in bed all day is my way of saving money." ~ Anonymous
“It’s money. I remember it from when I was single.” – Billy Crystal
“Money’s only something you need in case you don’t die tomorrow.” – Carl Fox (Martin Sheen)Wall Street
“When a fellow says it ain’t the money but the principle of the thing, it’s the money.” – Artemus Ward