"I’ve done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not." ~ Fran Lebowitz
“A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.” – Bob Hope
“What’s the use of happiness? It can’t buy you money." ~ Henny Youngman
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
“I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.” -Jackie Mason“I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.” -Jackie Mason
“Money is like manure. You have to spread it around or it smells." ~J. Paul Getty
"I despise the lottery. There’s less chance of you becoming a millionaire than there is of getting hit by a passing asteroid." ~ Unknown
"Money without brains is always dangerous." ~ Napoleon Hill
“The economy depends about as much on economists as the weather does on weather forecasters." ~Jean-Paul Kauffmann
“Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with." ~From a Washington Post word contest
“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.” – Earl Wilson
“If only God would give me a clear sign, like making a large deposit in my swiss bank account." ~ Woody Allen
"It’s easy to meet expenses, everywhere we go, there they are." ~ Anonymus
“In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women.” –Tony Montana (Al Pacino) Scarface
“If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys” – James Goldsmith
"Men are like bank accounts. The more money, the more interest they generate." ~ Mark Twain
“People say money is not the key to happiness, but I have always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.”—Joan Rivers
"Money is like a sixth sense – and you can’t make use of the other five without it." ~ William Somerset Maugham
“I’m stuck between “I need to save money.” and “You only live once.”” – Anonymous
“Money is something you have to make in case you don’t die.” Max Asnas.
“He who marries for love without money has good nights and sorry days.” – Anonymous
“The safest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it in your pocket.” – Kin Hubbard
"Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are? Wall Street is now being called Wall Mart Street." ~ Jay Leno
"Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to go shopping." ~ Bo Derek
“If you owe the bank $100 that’s your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that’s the bank’s problem.” -JP Getty.
“I’m tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money. I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok.” — Shaquille O’Neal
"I’m so poor I can’t pay attention." ~ Ron Kittle
“It’s money. I remember it from when I was single.” – Billy Crystal
“Money isn’t everything, but it’s a long way ahead of what comes next.” - Edmund Stockdale
“Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache” – Mae West
“Budget: a mathematical confirmation of your suspicions." ~A.A. Latimer
“If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it." ~Author Unknown
“We live by the Golden Rule. Those who have the gold make the rules." ~Buzzie Bavasi
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” —Phyllis Diller
“They say that love is more important, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?” – Anonymous
“Money often costs too much.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
“You fool! You’re 30 cents away from having a quarter!” –Sweet Dick Willie (Robin Harris)Do the Right Thing
“Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won’t be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.” -Henny Youngman
“Undermine the entire economic structure of society by leaving the pay toilet door ajar so the next person can get in free.” - Taylor Meade
“A fool and his money are lucky enough to get together in the first place.” — Gordon Gekko (Michael Douglas) Wall Street
“My formula for success is rise early, work late and strike oil.” JP Getty.
“If inflation continues to soar, you’re going to have to work like a dog just to live like one." ~George Gobel
“What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin” –Mark Twain
“All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.” Spike Milligan.
“The only reason I made a commercial for American Express was to pay for my American Express bill.” Peter Ustinov.
“What’s your favorite childhood memory? Not paying bills.” – Anonymous
“Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need most.” —Addison H. Hallock
“Women prefer men who have something tender about them – especially the legal kind." ~Kay Ingram
“Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy you the kind of misery you prefer." ~Author Unknown
“I’m so naive about finances. Once my mother mentioned an amount and I realized I didn’t understand, she had to explain, ‘That’s like three Mercedes.’ Then I understood.” – Brooke Shields