“Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy beer." ~ Gary Reilly
"Don’t stay in bed unless you make money in bed." ~ George Burns
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?” — Milton Berle
“Someone asked me why women don’t gamble as much as men do, and I gave the commonsensical reply that we don’t have as much money. That was a true and incomplete answer. In fact, women’s total instinct for gambling is satisfied by marriage.” – Gloria Steinem
“Money is like manure. You have to spread it around or it smells." ~J. Paul Getty
"Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy." ~ Groucho Marx
“Cocaine is God’s way of saying you’re making too much money.” – Robin Williams
"Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody.” ~ Benjamin Franklin
“Money’s only something you need in case you don’t die tomorrow.” – Carl Fox (Martin Sheen)Wall Street
“If inflation continues to soar, you’re going to have to work like a dog just to live like one." ~George Gobel
“If there is anyone to whom I owe money, I’m prepared to forget it if they are.” - Errol Flynn
“Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That’s how rich I want to be.” – Rita Rudner
“A bargain is something you can’t use at a price you can’t resist.”- Franklin Jones.
"I despise the lottery. There’s less chance of you becoming a millionaire than there is of getting hit by a passing asteroid." ~ Unknown
“People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.” ~ Joan Rivers
“When I was young I thought money was the most important thing in life; now that I’m old, I know it is." ~ Oscar Wilde
"There is a very easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune: go there with a large one." ~ Jack Yelton
“Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won’t be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.” -Henny Youngman
“From birth to age 18, a girl needs good parents, from 18 to 35 she needs good looks, from 35 to 55 she needs a good personality, and from 55 on she needs cash.” – Sophie Tucker
“If you want to know what God thinks of money, look at the people he gave it to.” —Dorothy Parker
"We live by the golden rule. Those who have the gold make the rules." ~ Unknown
“Money can’t buy you happiness but it can pay for plastic surgery." ~ Joan Rivers
“The trick is to stop thinking of it as ‘your’ money.” – IRS auditor
“Money doesn’t solve all problems but it could solve my money problem.” – Anonymous
“Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody.” – Benjamin Franklin
“I owe much; I have nothing; the rest I leave to the poor.” - Francois Rebelais
“If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it." ~Author Unknown
“Undermine the entire economic structure of society by leaving the pay toilet door ajar so the next person can get in free.” - Taylor Meade
“It doesn’t matter how low the dollar will go, I will always bend down and pick it up.” ~ Anonymous
“I finally know what distinguishes man from other beasts: financial worries.” – Jules Renard
“Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need most.” —Addison H. Hallock
“People say money is not the key to happiness, but I have always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.”—Joan Rivers
"I’m so poor I can’t pay attention." ~ Ron Kittle
“What’s worth doing is worth doing for money.” –Gordon Gekko (Michael Douglas) Wall Street
"I am having an out-of-money experience." ~ Anonymous
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
“I love money. I love everything about it. I bought some pretty good stuff. Got me a $300 pair of socks. Got a fur sink. An electric dog polisher. A gasoline powered turtleneck sweater. And, of course, I bought some dumb stuff, too.” – Steve Martin
“Money and women are the most sought after and the least known about of any two things we have.”— Will Rogers
“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.” – Earl Wilson
“They were a people so primitive they did not know how to get money, except by working for it.” Joseph Addison.
"Dogs have no money. Isn’t that amazing? They’re broke their entire lives. But they get through. Do you know why dogs have no money? .. No Pockets." ~ Jerry Seinfeld
“The economy depends about as much on economists as the weather does on weather forecasters." ~Jean-Paul Kauffmann
“It’s money. I remember it from when I was single.” – Billy Crystal
"Most people work just hard enough to not get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit." ~ George Carline
“When a fellow says it ain’t the money but the principle of the thing, it’s the money.” – Artemus Ward
"The safe way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it in your pocket." ~ Kin Hubbard
“You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.” —Franklin P. Adams
"If you can count your money, you don’t have a billion dollars." ~ J. Paul Getty
“If all the economists were laid end to end, they’d never reach a conclusion." ~George Bernard Shaw
"They were a people so primitive they did not know how to get money, except by working for it." ~ Joseph Addison