“A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.” - Tim Allen
“Marriage is a difficult project. When seven years have passed and all your body’s cells have been replaced, you’re meant to experience that seven-year itch.”
—Yoko Ono
"Don't make love by the garden gate - love is blind, but the neighbours ain't." - Anonymous
“Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.” —Rod Stewart
“Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else in the house.” —Jean Kerr
“In Hollywood, a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.” - Rita Rudner
"After about 15 years I finally figured out that she's always right. So surprisingly we just stopped fighting after that." —Barack Obama
“Marriage is an attempt to solve problems together which you didn’t even have when you were on your own.”—Eddie Cantor
“Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage – they’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.” — Rita Rudner
“Marriage is our last, best chance to grow up.” - Joseph Barth
"I love my husband, but no matter where we are, I make him sleep closest to the door so if anything happens, he gets murdered first." — Jessica Valenti
“Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage.” — Ambrose Bierce
“When you’re in love, it’s the most glorious two-and-a-half days of your life.”—Richard Lewis
“One of the keys to a successful marriage is separate bathrooms. When he enters my bathroom sometimes, I’m like, ‘Why are you in here?’ And he’s like, ‘I live here. Can I enjoy my bathroom too?’”—Michelle Obama
“I married beneath me, all women do.”
—Nancy Astor
“Many people spend more time in planning the wedding than they do in planning the marriage.” —Zig Ziglar
"My wife had us register for fine china, because you never know when the Pope is going to swing by and want a microwaved hot dog on a $200 plate." — Jim Gaffigan
“If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question.”—Lily Tomlin
“Some mornings I wake up grouchy. Other mornings I just let him sleep.”—Unknown
“Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is the bicycle repair kit.”- Billy Connolly
“My advice to you is get married: If you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.” —Socrates
“I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?”—Jean Illsley Clarke
“Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings … and lawyers.”—Richard Pryor
"Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning." — Clint Eastwood,
“Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.”—Benjamin Franklin
“I’m going to get married again because I’m more mature now, and I need some kitchen stuff.”—Wendy Liebman
“Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract, and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences.” — Isadora Duncan
“An archeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her.”—Agatha Christie.