“If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question.”—Lily Tomlin
"Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed." — Albert Einstein
“An archeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her.”—Agatha Christie.
“Just found out the wife is writing a book about our honeymoon, called ’50 Shades of Just O.K.’”—Conan O’Brien
“Husband secretly lowers the thermostat and I secretly turn it back up. We both vehemently deny touching it. Marriage is fun.”—Stephanie Ortiz
“If you want to know how your girl will treat you after marriage, just listen to her talking to her little brother.” — Sam Levenson
“Take care of him. And make him feel important. And if you can do that, you’ll have a happy and wonderful marriage. Like two out of every ten couples.”
— Neil Simon
“The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing – and then marry him.” — Cher
“Before marriage, a girl has to make love to a man to hold him. After marriage, she has to hold him to make love to him.” — Marilyn Monroe
“Marriage is like vitamins: we supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements.” - Kathy Mohnke
“Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings … and lawyers.”—Richard Pryor
“Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.” —Erma Bombeck
“When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there’s a reason.” - Molly McGee
“Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can’t sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can’t sleep with the window open.”—George Bernard Shaw
“In Hollywood, a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.” - Rita Rudner
“My advice to you is get married: If you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.” —Socrates
“Many people spend more time in planning the wedding than they do in planning the marriage.” —Zig Ziglar
“Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage – they’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.” — Rita Rudner
"Everyone is born equal in life, until they get married." — Anonymous
“Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract, and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences.” — Isadora Duncan
"In every good marriage, it pays sometimes to be a little deaf." — Ruth Bader Ginsburg
“Why do married people live longer than single people? I think it’s because married people make a special effort to live longer than their partner—just so they can have the last word.”—Janet Periat
"The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him." — Oscar Wilde
“Marriage is an attempt to solve problems together which you didn’t even have when you were on your own.”—Eddie Cantor
“Marriage is work. Marriage is a career. It's not an adventure, you do more before five than most folks do all day.”— Sinbad
"Marriage is like a walk in the park. Jurassic Park." - Anonymous
"You are a smart cookie. A wise chocolate cake. A brilliant pancake.” - Rey Woodman
“Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is the bicycle repair kit.”- Billy Connolly