"Because I always say, if you're married for 50 years, and 10 of them are horrible, you're doing really good!" —Michelle Obama
"Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning." — Clint Eastwood,
“In Hollywood, a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.” - Rita Rudner
“Many people spend more time in planning the wedding than they do in planning the marriage.” —Zig Ziglar
“Marriage is an attempt to solve problems together which you didn’t even have when you were on your own.”—Eddie Cantor
“I am a very committed wife. And I should be committed, too—for being married so many times.” —Elizabeth Taylor
“I married for love but the obvious side benefit of having someone around to find my glasses cannot be ignored.”—Cameron Esposito
“Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings … and lawyers.”—Richard Pryor
“All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.” — Red Skelton
“Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.” - Natasha Leggero
"A good marriage is where each partner secretly suspects they got the better deal." - Anonymous
“When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that’s a few steps ahead is the one that’s mad.”―Helen Rowland
“One of the keys to a successful marriage is separate bathrooms. When he enters my bathroom sometimes, I’m like, ‘Why are you in here?’ And he’s like, ‘I live here. Can I enjoy my bathroom too?’”—Michelle Obama
“Marriage is the bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.”—Ogden Nash
“Before I got married, I had six theories about raising children; now I have six children and no theories.”—John Wilmot
“I now pronounce you man and wife. You may now change your Facebook status.”—Anonymous
"Husbands are like fires - they go out when unattended." - Zsa Zsa Gabor
“If you love ’em in the morning with their eyes full of crust; if you love ’em at night with their hair full of rollers, chances are, you’re in love.” - Miles Davis
“I’d like to publicly thank my husband [Dax Shepard] for changing half the diapers in our house. I hope he changes all of mine one day…”—Kristen Bell
"Husbands are like wine, they take a long time to mature." —Donatella in Letters to Juliet
“I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”—Rita Rudner
"A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short." — Andre Maurois
“Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage.” — Ambrose Bierce
“Marriage is like vitamins: we supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements.” - Kathy Mohnke
“My advice to you is get married: If you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.” —Socrates
"The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him." — Oscar Wilde
“I married beneath me, all women do.”
—Nancy Astor
“Marriage is work. Marriage is a career. It's not an adventure, you do more before five than most folks do all day.”— Sinbad
“My husband and I have never considered divorce… murder sometimes, but never divorce.”—Dr. Joyce Brothers
“The definition of eternity is two people and a ham.”—Dorothy Parker
“My wife is a psychologist… Not only does she know when I’m being a jerk, but she knows exactly what type of jerk I’m being.”—Lee Judge
“If you want to be sure that you never forget your wife’s birthday, just try forgetting it once.” —Aldo Cammarota
"After about 15 years I finally figured out that she's always right. So surprisingly we just stopped fighting after that." —Barack Obama
“Before marriage, a girl has to make love to a man to hold him. After marriage, she has to hold him to make love to him.” — Marilyn Monroe
“In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice which is still very much practiced.” —Helen Rowland
“When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there’s a reason.” - Molly McGee
“Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should just live next door and visit now and then.”—Katherine Hepburn
“You know there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time... Husband!” —Bill Maher
“Marriage is our last, best chance to grow up.” - Joseph Barth
“Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else in the house.” —Jean Kerr
“Husbands and wives are irritating. But without them, who would we blame for misplacing our socks?”—Janet Periat
“Marriage: sometimes soulmates, sometimes cellmates.”—Rory Elder
“Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are.” —Will Ferrell
“Never criticize your spouse’s faults; if it weren’t for them, your mate might have found someone better than you.” —Jay Trachman
“The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing – and then marry him.” — Cher
“Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can’t sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can’t sleep with the window open.”—George Bernard Shaw
"I love my husband, but no matter where we are, I make him sleep closest to the door so if anything happens, he gets murdered first." — Jessica Valenti
"Marriage is a bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them." - Anonymous
“She is the only evidence of God I have seen, with the exception of the mysterious force that removes one sock from the dryer every time I do my laundry.”- St Elmo's Fire
"Look, in my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you. The right person is still going to think the sun shines out of your ass." - Mac MacGuff in Juno