"You may marry the man of your dreams, ladies, but fourteen years later you’re married to a couch that burps." - Roseanne Barr
"You can’t put a price tag on love, but you can on all its accessories." — Melanie Clark
"Sometimes I wonder how you put up with me, but then I remember I put up with you, so we're even." - Unknown
"You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it." - Henny Youngman
"As a man in a relationship, you have a choice: you can be right or you can be happy."
- Ralphie May
"I love you in a way that's nauseating to others."
- Unknown
"Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn't show up on X rays, but you know it's there." George Burns
“It’s the 21st century. I don’t need an alpha male to protect me. I don’t need a big, strong man to fight off a tiger. I need a geek who can get my naked photos off the cloud.” — Whitney Cummings
"Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke." - Lynda Barry
"Love is not having to hold in your farts anymore." — Bree Luckey
"If you love someone set them free. If they come back, set them on fire."
- George Carlin
"Love is a lot like a toothache. It doesn't show up on X-rays, but you know it's there."
- George Burns.
“I just want to be friends. Plus a little extra. Also, I love you.” - Dwight Schrute, 'The Office'
"Love is sharing your popcorn."
- Charles Schultz.
"I went home with this French guy ’cause he said something adorable, like, ‘I have an apartment.’" — Amy Schumer
"If love is the answer, could you please re-phrase the question?"
- Lily Tomlin
"Whenever someone asks me to define love, I usually think for a minute, then I spin around and pin the guy's arm behind his back. Now who's asking the questions?" — Jack Handy
"All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt." Charles M. Schulz, creator of Peanuts
"Love thy neighbor, just watch out for thy husband." - Unknown
"When a man of forty falls in love with a woman of twenty, it isn’t her youth he is seeking but his own." — Lenore Coffee
“I didn’t fall for you, you tripped me!” - Jenny Han, 'To All the Boys I've Loved Before'
"They say true love hides in every corner. I must be walking in circles." - Unknown
"There is nothing better for the spirit or the body than a love affair. It elevates the thoughts and flattens the stomach." — Barbara Hower