"You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it." - Henny Youngman
"The happiest marriage I can picture would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman." — Samuel Taylor Coleridge
"As a man in a relationship, you have a choice: you can be right or you can be happy."
- Ralphie May
“I just want to be friends. Plus a little extra. Also, I love you.” - Dwight Schrute, 'The Office'
"Love is an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties." - Jules Renard
"A guy knows he's in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days." Tim Allen
"A good marriage is like a casserole: Only those responsible for it really know what goes in it." - Unknown
"The bravest thing that men do is love women." — Mort Sahl
"Between lovers, a little confession is a dangerous thing." — Helen Rowland
“I say if you love something, set it in a small cage and pester and smother it with love until it either loves you back or dies.” — Mindy Kaling
"I don't remember, you looking any better... But then again, I don't remember you."
- John Mayer, 'Who Says'
"Women love a self-confident bald man."
- Larry David.
"I went out with a guy once who told me I didn’t need to drink to make myself more fun to be around. I told him, 'I’m drinking so that you’re more fun to be around.'"
- Chelsea Handler
"Whenever someone asks me to define love, I usually think for a minute, then I spin around and pin the guy's arm behind his back. Now who's asking the questions?" — Jack Handy
"Love is a two-way street constantly under construction."
- Carroll Bryant.
"My wife is really sentimental. One Valentine’s Day I gave her a ring and to this day she has never forgotten those three little words that were engraved inside — Made in Taiwan."
- Leopold Fechner.
"When you’re in love, it’s the most glorious two-and-a-half days of your life."
- Richard Lewis
"Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener."
- Pauline Thomason
“A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.” - Phyllis Diller
"If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books." — Alan King
"There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments." - Chris Rock
"I can't make you love me, but I can fill my pantry with your favorite snacks and offer you a weekly stipend of $75." — Rob Delaney
"Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest."
- Professor Irwin Corey