"As a man in a relationship, you have a choice: you can be right or you can be happy."
- Ralphie May
"Love is a lot like a toothache. It doesn't show up on X-rays, but you know it's there."
- George Burns.
"Marriage is like pantyhose. It all depends on what you put into it." — Phyllis Schlafly
"Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell."
- Joan Crawford
"You can’t put a price tag on love, but you can on all its accessories." — Melanie Clark
"Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you're offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone's feelings." — David Sedaris
"When a man of forty falls in love with a woman of twenty, it isn’t her youth he is seeking but his own." — Lenore Coffee
"When you’re in love, it’s the most glorious two-and-a-half days of your life."
- Richard Lewis
"I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry." — Rita Rudner
"Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses."
- Thomas Dewar
"Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby — awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess." — Lemony Snicket
"You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale." — Hussein Nishah
"I love you in a way that's nauseating to others."
- Unknown
"Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome."
- Oscar Levant
"I love you more than coffee but not always before coffee." - Unknown
"My wife is really sentimental. One Valentine’s Day I gave her a ring and to this day she has never forgotten those three little words that were engraved inside — Made in Taiwan."
- Leopold Fechner.
"I went out with a guy once who told me I didn’t need to drink to make myself more fun to be around. I told him, 'I’m drinking so that you’re more fun to be around.'"
- Chelsea Handler
"Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener."
- Pauline Thomason
"It wasn't love at first sight. It took a full five minutes." Lucille Ball
"They say true love hides in every corner. I must be walking in circles." - Unknown
"My wife is really sentimental. One Valentine’s Day I gave her a ring and to this day she has never forgotten those three little words that were engraved inside — Made in Taiwan." — Leopold Fetchner
"If she happens to fall, I’ll be there to laugh at first and then help her up afterwards." — J.A. Redmerski
"Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing."
- Natasha Leggero