"Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in."
- Richard Jeni
"A good marriage is like a casserole: Only those responsible for it really know what goes in it." - Unknown
"I went home with this French guy ’cause he said something adorable, like, ‘I have an apartment.’" — Amy Schumer
"You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale." — Hussein Nishah
"Love is sharing your popcorn."
- Charles Schultz.
"Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe." – Jackie Mason
“Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women; a little bit of support and a little bit of freedom.” - Jerry Seinfeld
"Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell."
- Joan Crawford
"Love is not having to hold in your farts anymore." — Bree Luckey
"I wasn’t kissing her, I was whispering in her mouth." — Chico Marx
"When you’re in love, it’s the most glorious two-and-a-half days of your life."
- Richard Lewis
"I was on a date with this really hot model. Well, it wasn’t really a date-date. We just ate dinner and saw a movie. Then the plane landed." — Dave Attell
"Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby — awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess." — Lemony Snicket
"A girl can wait for the right man to come along but in the meantime that doesn’t mean she can’t have a wonderful time with all the wrong ones." — Cher
"My wife is really sentimental. One Valentine’s Day I gave her a ring and to this day she has never forgotten those three little words that were engraved inside — Made in Taiwan."
- Leopold Fechner.
"You may marry the man of your dreams, ladies, but fourteen years later you’re married to a couch that burps." - Roseanne Barr
"True love is like ghosts, which everyone talks about and few have seen." — Francois de la Rochefoucauld
"Whenever someone asks me to define love, I usually think for a minute, then I spin around and pin the guy's arm behind his back. Now who's asking the questions?" — Jack Handy
"My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light." — Rodney Dangerfield
"They say true love hides in every corner. I must be walking in circles." - Unknown
"There is nothing better for the spirit or the body than a love affair. It elevates the thoughts and flattens the stomach." — Barbara Hower
"I went out with a guy once who told me I didn’t need to drink to make myself more fun to be around. I told him, 'I’m drinking so that you’re more fun to be around.'"
- Chelsea Handler
"I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?" Jean Illsley Clarke