"My wife is really sentimental. One Valentine’s Day I gave her a ring and to this day she has never forgotten those three little words that were engraved inside — Made in Taiwan."
- Leopold Fechner.
"Love is sharing your popcorn."
- Charles Schultz.
"Love is a two-way street constantly under construction."
- Carroll Bryant.
"It's fun to complain with someone. Nothing brings us together more than complaining about other people. That might be the thing that holds us together more than anything." Lew Schneider
"I like long romantic walks down every aisle at Target." - Unknown
"I went out with a guy once who told me I didn’t need to drink to make myself more fun to be around. I told him, 'I’m drinking so that you’re more fun to be around.'"
- Chelsea Handler
"I thought I was promiscuous, but it turns out I was just thorough." — Russell Brand
"Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight." – Phyllis Diller
"Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener."
- Pauline Thomason
“The secret to a long marriage is to stay gone.” - Dolly Parton
"If only one could tell true love from false love as one can tell mushrooms from toadstools."
- Katherine Mansfield
"Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest."
- Professor Irwin Corey
"The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired." — Milton Berle
"Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love." — Albert Einstein
"What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds."
- Cindy Garner.
"Alcohol may be man's worst enemy but the Bible says to love your enemy."
- Frank Sinatra
"A girl can wait for the right man to come along but in the meantime that doesn’t mean she can’t have a wonderful time with all the wrong ones." — Cher
"When a man of forty falls in love with a woman of twenty, it isn’t her youth he is seeking but his own." — Lenore Coffee
"Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in."
- Richard Jeni
"I went home with this French guy ’cause he said something adorable, like, ‘I have an apartment.’" — Amy Schumer
"When you’re in love, it’s the most glorious two-and-a-half days of your life."
- Richard Lewis
"Love is a lot like a toothache. It doesn't show up on X-rays, but you know it's there."
- George Burns.
"Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you're offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone's feelings." — David Sedaris
"Love thy neighbor—and if he happens to be tall, debonair and devastating, it will be that much easier." - Mae West
"You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale." — Hussein Nishah
"Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing."
- Natasha Leggero
“A lady’s imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.” - Jane Austen, 'Pride and Prejudice'
"There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments." - Chris Rock
"Between men and women, there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship."
- Oscar Wilde
"My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes." — Emo Philips
"All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt." Charles M. Schulz, creator of Peanuts
"Love is an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties." - Jules Renard
"Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby — awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess." — Lemony Snicket
"My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light." — Rodney Dangerfield
"Between lovers, a little confession is a dangerous thing." — Helen Rowland
"Give your relationship attention like you would a plant. You have to water it every day and give it sunshine. So put your man out in the sun and spray him with a hose."
- Whitney Cummings.
"My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don't really know me." Garry Shandling
"I was on a date with this really hot model. Well, it wasn’t really a date-date. We just ate dinner and saw a movie. Then the plane landed." — Dave Attell
"Sometimes I wonder how you put up with me, but then I remember I put up with you, so we're even." - Unknown
"There is nothing better for the spirit or the body than a love affair. It elevates the thoughts and flattens the stomach." — Barbara Hower
“Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women; a little bit of support and a little bit of freedom.” - Jerry Seinfeld
"I miss crawling into a man’s arm, kissing his neck, saying those three little words into his ear, 'And another thing ...'” — Felicia Michaels
"If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books." — Alan King
"Marriage is like pantyhose. It all depends on what you put into it." — Phyllis Schlafly
"A man in love is not complete until he is married. Then he is finished."
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
"I love you with all my belly. I would say my heart, but my belly is bigger." - Unknown
"I love you more than coffee but not always before coffee." - Unknown
"Remember, beneath every cynic there lies a romantic, and probably an injured one." — Benjamin Franklin
"Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties." — Jules Renard
"I love love, and I’m very hopeful and was raised on all the fairy tales everyone else had. I just noted that everyone’s mom was dead and real princesses get beheaded, so I just have a more realistic take on it."
- Amy Schumer