"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
"If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself." —Mickey Mantle
“Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge.”
Tom Waits
"Men make use of their illnesses at least as much as they are made use of by them." - Aldous Huxley
"The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back"- Franklin P. Jones
“Fond of doctors, little health, Fond of lawyers, little wealth.”
Proverb
"I believe every human has a finite number of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises."
- Neil Armstrong.
"Older people shouldn't eat health food. They need all the preservatives they can get." —Robert Orben
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
"Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined." - Samuel Goldwyn
"I can sympathize with people's pains but not with their pleasures. There is something curiously boring about somebody else's happiness." - Aldous Huxley
"I am pretty sure that, if you will be quite honest, you will admit that a good rousing sneeze, one that tears open your collar and throws your hair into your eyes, is really one of life's sensational pleasures." - Robert Benchley
"I've always enjoyed poor health." —Taylor Caldwell
"Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise' I wash my mouth out with chocolate!"
- Unknown.
"Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches." - V.L. Allineare
"Some people would fall in or out of love with you if you lose or gain a few kilos."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana
"If the poor overweight jogger only knew how far he had to run to work off the calories in a crust of bread he might find it better in terms of pound per mile to go to a massage parlor."
- Christiaan Barnard
"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it." —Lily Tomlin
"The word aerobics came about when the gym instructors got together and said, 'If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it jumping up and down'" - Rita Rudner
"Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?" —George Carlin
"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook"- Julia Child
"I don't get why people pay to exercise in a gym when it's free to not exercise."
- Bridger Winegar
"A bad cold wouldn't be so annoying if it weren't for the advice of our friends." - Kin Hubbard
"I can't believe we got grades in gym class. I've never used anything I learned in there."
- Jim Gaffigan
"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died." —Erma Bombeck
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." —Alexander the Great
"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounding yourself with ass****s." - William Gibson
"Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge"- Don Kardong
"Doctors are always working to preserve our health and cooks to destroy it, but the latter are the more often successful." - Denis Diderot
“An apple a day keeps the doctor away, But if the doctor is cute forget the fruit.”
Sammie
"I refuse to spend my life worrying about what I eat. There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward." - John Mortimer
"The best abs exercise is five sets of stop eating so much..."
– Lazar Angelov
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred." —Woody Allen
"Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane." - Philip K. Dick
"I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back." - Richard Lewis
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
"If your doctor's last name is Google, it's time to get a second opinion…" - Toni Bernhard, J.D.
"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities." - Dr. Seuss
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
"We pay our gym membership for the permission to exercise in the gym, not for the owner(s) of the gym to exercise for us."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana.
“Never eat more than you can lift.”
Miss Piggy
"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet." - Rodney Dangerfield
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not." - Mark Twain
"I only workout, because I really really like donuts."
- Unknown
"To lose weight, spend time at the gym. To appear like you've lost weight, spend time with people who are bigger than you."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
“It’s a bit unnerving That doctors call what they do practice.”
Unknown
"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle
“Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.” —Mark Twain